“Ketchup” Post.

KetchupOct2015 Catching up on everything:

  • The 19 YR old said her university math is “easy.” “easy?” math has NEVER been “easy” for ME, let alone at the university level. She is obviously very smart.
  •  The 8 YR old ruined the new couch by jumping on it and now the cushions at the front have come off on 2/3 of it and you can even see the springs and coils underneath.
  • I wondered if I died if anyone would even notice? Would anyone even care or miss me, other than the dog?
  • Nothing is holding me back from killing myself anymore now; before I didn’t want the 12 YR old to be devastated but she wouldn’t care anymore as now she’s just like the others and even snarled at me, “No one cares about you,anyway!” It would be so easy to just swallow a bottle of pills and lie down and go to sleep and never wake up….
  • Hippos pee backwards as it makes it easier for them to mark their territory.
  • I had a dream I poured chocolate syrup over a “hot” guy’s body and then I licked it off him! I also had another dream one of the kids put our VitaMix blender in the microwave and wrecked it.
  • One of my Facebook friends is 45 and found out she’s prego after a summer fling with a 19 YR old, but her bi-polar disorder is really bad now too and she’s been posting weird ramblings and her family’s trying to have her committed to get her help but she thinks they’re trying to kill her and she’s suicidal and her last post was telling everyone goodbye and I’m really worried about her but she’s all the way in Brazil and there’s nothing I can do….
  • My depression is so debilitating that most times pretty much all I can do is lie around and listen to 70’s and 80’s songs; music that reminds me of a happy time in my life.
  • My mother got a notice from the gas company that she didn’t pay the bill last month so now she also has to pay interest. I’m actually surprised out of all the customers that they must have that they actually keep track…
  • With the bombings in Turkey at that protest we were lucky to have gone there when we did and in fact, we went to all of those countries( incl. Israel, Tunisia, Greece, Egypt, Morocco,etc.) at just the right time,too, before all the terrorist attacks, bombings, riotings, political and civil unrest, etc.
  • The 12 YR old is so mouthy and disrespectful to me now; every time I try to join in on a conversation she’ll snap, “I wasn’t TALKING to YOU!” and whenever I state my opinion she’ll sneer, “That’s just YOUR opinion!” or “Just because YOU don’t like it doesn’t mean other people don’t!” and always has some mouthy comment to everything I say now.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving2015  Today is Thanksgiving but we had our big dinner yesterday and we just have left-overs for dinner today and turkey sandwiches for lunch for the next few days! Here are the home-made pumpkin pies we baked( pumpkin pies are my all-time fave. pie!) and we also had my father-in-law over over for dinner as well. He’s a nice guy and I’ve always liked him. He’s 84 now and lives in a nursing home. An interesting fact about him,too: he didn’t learn to speak English until he was 21 and he only has 1 leg but he doesn’t like his artificial leg and prefers to not use it. We went around the diningroom table saying what we’re thankful for and of course the boys had to say something stupid, like the 20 YR old who goes, “I’m thankful for our Dear Leader Kim Jong Un, and his glorious army” and then he said,”Oh, and I’m thankful that the 19 YR old( who’s away at university) isn’t here with us….how’s THAT for my offensive thing to say?”

Thanksgiving20152 Here is a picture of some of our food. We had a whole turkey, 2 stuffed turkey breasts, 2 hams, a Tofurky( I laugh every time I hear that, “Tofurky”, it’s such a funny word!) for the 14 YR old who’s a vegetarian, and it looked like a haggis and tasted like sawdust,baked potatoes, mini potatoes, mashed potatoes, fries, peas,corn, stuffing,buns, and pumpkin pie! We gorged ourselves and the 16 YR old made funny name tags for everyone’s place-settings such as “Sir——-of Pigs”, “Lady of Awesomeness”, “The Cookie Goddess”,etc. and the 20 YR old’s friend scolded him for bringing his phone to the table and talking on his phone at the table and told him he was “rude”(just like I did, only I worded it, “Don’t be such a loser!”) and I noticed one of our Jesus pictures in the front hallway had been modified: He now has a CIGARETTE in His hand;I found out the 20 YR old had drawn it and taped it on. My hubby wouldn’t stop laughing.

I also heard on the news there’s some talk of possibly making voting mandatory(like it is in Australia) which is the exact OPPOSITE of democracy, but not surprising considering how Fascist this country has become; they’re pissed off the last election turnout was only 60-something percent, and they probably only want to force people to vote as that’s where they get people for jury duty; from the voter’s registry.The election is exactly a week today! I just hope anyone but the Liberals win.

I also decided if I end up hearing from my doc I have something terminal I’m not going to do dialysis or chemo or anything that makes you wish you were dead, is worse than the disease,and makes you so sick you can’t enjoy what time you DO have left; I’ll just let it take it’s course and I’ll go to the Caribbean and die there(I want to die somewhere that makes me happy)and then I can be cremated there and have my ashes scattered there. There’s no way I want to die in THIS shit-hole! I want to die on the beach, with the sun on my face, listening to Reggae music.

The Scan.

Scan Yesterday I went to the hospital and had my abdominal scan done. It felt sort of weird having an ultrasound without being prego though! My liver, pancreas, aorta, spleen, and kidneys were scanned. They didn’t do my stomach and the technician said the adrenal glands don’t show up in an ultrasound( shit….that was one thing I wanted done as I wondered if it might be an issue) and the lungs don’t either and they didn’t scan the stomach either so I asked why I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink from the night before and she said if the stomach has food ,fluid, or gas in it and it’s full and expands it blocks the view of the other organs and they can’t see them to scan so they want the stomach to be “flat” and empty. I also had to take in deep breaths and hold it while she scanned so that she was able to see the organs more clearly( the lungs had to be out of the way) and I had to do it so many times that I was dizzy! The whole scan took 30 min.

Of course they never actually tell you anything, and she said my doctor will have the report in about a week, but I noticed that she scanned my liver and my kidneys( esp. my right kidney) alot longer than anything else, in fact, she spent longer on them( and on taking measurements of something) than on all the other organs combined so I’m pretty sure that they found *something*, and that’s how it was before when I had the gallstones,too;they spend forever going over the gallbladder and sure enough….of course they normally scan the gallbladder with this exam as well but I don’t have one anymore so it was one less organ for them to scan. I would also normally be embarrassed laying there with my big ‘ol fat hippo gut hanging out but the technician was even fatter than me so I didn’t feel so bad afterall, and by the time I got back home it had been 16 HRS since I last ate and I was FAMISHED and I don’t know *how* the Muslims can do it every day for an entire MONTH for Ramadan, and the worst of it was I was so thirsty not being able to drink( and I get really dehydrated quickly) and my mouth was so dry so I had to chew some gum to get some moisture in there; I normally don’t even chew gum as I think it’s uncouth and very unbecoming( it looks like a COW chewing on it’s cud!!!) but I was desperate here and it really did help.

So what do I suspect? I think the bile duct in my liver is still enlarged and as for what’s obstructing it? A tumour, perhaps, or maybe scar tissue from my gallbladder surgery, and I suspect something with my right kidney as well, which would make sense with my high BP, low potassium,fluid retention, swollen legs,etc., and the dull nagging pain I get on my lower right side/back, but soon we’ll see…I just hope that whatever it IS, that it clearly showed up on the scan…if it’s something really BAD with the kidneys I wouldn’t go for dialysis though; 8 HRS or so a day several times a week…..no way….I wouldn’t go for that shit….I know someone who used to have to go thru that….not for me, no way…screw it!