I feel flat. Just flat. Just completely stomped on. I heard the kids making fun of my blog last night,and the 16 YR old continues her cruel vendetta against me for whatever reason(what’s her problem,anyway?) and referred to me as that loser over there and said about me, that I’m so ugly I can’t even look at her. This is the kind of crap I get and have to put up from my family all the time and it’s not right.
I’ve had enough. They’re abusive. They’re bullies. They’re cruel. They’re heartless. They’re mean. Normal people don’t go around hurting other people like that. Kids shouldn’t be so disrespectful and no one should treat someone like that. What’s wrong with them,anyway? Why are they so mean?
I’m flat and I feel like I’m just going to curl up into a wisp and be carried off and be free, like a leaf that gets picked up by the wind and blown away. Just all withered away and dried up, used up, flat and dry, nothing left of it anymore. My life now basically consists each day now of just waiting to die.
As well, I all of a sudden feel really nauseated, the 14 YR old has a really sore throat and even had trouble swallowing I hope isn’t Strep throat,and I was concerned my mother might have been having a heart attack as she said she didn’t feel right and her left arm felt “heavy” so I thought at her age it’s better not to take any chances and she should go and get it checked out but she said she never had any nausea, chest or arm pain, arm numbness or tingling, and she wasn’t sweaty or dizzy, so I told her to at least take an Aspirin which is supposed to prevent heart attacks so she did and now she says she feels better, so maybe there’s just some virus going around? She says she also has diarrhrea and the chills now,too…
The 16 YR old baked cookies with an occult symbol on them( seen here) even though she knows nothing occult is allowed in the house out of respect for God as this is a Christian home and the Bible says you have to choose to follow God or Satan; you can’t follow both, and we are also told to avoid everything to do with the occult, incl. Hallowe’en (Satan’s Day) and any occult symbols such as the Jack ‘O Lantern yet she continues to defy me and she also had this glittery Jack ‘O Lantern occult decoration in her room as well and she said was for a friend, for her birthday( yeah, like I haven’t heard that one before, as in, My friend needs advice, or I’m just holding them for a friend… yeah…..right…) so I told her in that case then to just put it in a bag and hide it away somewhere until her birthday and then give it to her but we are not to display any thing occult or have any occult symbols in this house, and if they do then I will get rid of them,and she was really mouthy, snotty, and talking back, being really defiant and disrespectful, and saying she’ll “throw out Jesus” then, etc. and snarking that it’s just my rule, no one else cares….what, so if it’s just me then it’s just to be ignored, defied,disobeyed, dismissed, who cares? I don’t think so, you little brat, and I told her if she brings in any more occult things I’m taking her phone away. I’m really tired of her and her attitude and one thing I will not tolerate is blasphemy.
I don’t think they realize(or care) how symbols have great significance and meaning, how powerful they are, what they represent, and why it’s so important to keep our home free from any occult influences. Think about the Swastika, for example, or the Confederate or the ISIS flags; what comes to mind when you see them? They symbolize something; something bad, not something you’d be proud to be associated with or would want to proudly display in your home. It’s the same way with the occult. It’s like inviting demons into your home! We don’t have many rules and this isn’t asking too much and as long as they live here, they obey the rules. The kids have broken me and beaten me down now to the point where I’ve all but given up and I have no authority, say,respect, and they just laugh in my face and ignore me and just do whatever they want while mocking me, but this is something that I will never back down on; when it comes to spiritual matters; I will not allow them to disrespect God or to bring the occult into our home.They will never take my faith from me.
The 22 YR old also kept coming into my room during the night trying to kidnap Buddy and I kept waking up so I didn’t sleep well (he’s just sooooo annoying) and my mother announced we will be moving next summer and she wants to get a bungalow as she can’t go up and down the stairs,and I have a hard time,too, but I hate bungalows, but hopefully I’ll be dead by then anyway and I won’t have to worry about it, and I should get my biopsy results this week,too, and she said they only call if something shows up so no news is good news and if they call then you know they found something. The main reason my mother and hubby said they want to move(as well as downsizing now we have less kids at home) is also to force the 22 YR old out to get his own place as he’s still living here at home and refuses to leave but when we move he has to move out, which I think is a mean tactic, but that’s what Patti also did to get her son to move out,too; she just moved.
The leaking roof is even worse now as well and now I can see it leaking in 3 spots and we had alot of rain and now it’s soaked the towels we put on the floor to absorb the water, and the heavy rain and 100 km winds were really bad but luckily it was while I was at church and in-between when I had to walk there and back so it wasn’t raining while I was walking, and I know that was God looking out for me. Others would deny it and say it was just coincidence or just luck but I know better. I have faith and I know He answers prayer and cares about His faithful people. I know He cares about me and takes care of me and watches over me and that He loves me even when no one else does and that He must see something in me no one else does because even though my family makes me feel unlovable I still matter to God. I also have this suspicious feeling that the kids don’t really go to church Sunday mornings either but probably just walk over to Tim Horton’s or something and hang out there instead and just say they went to church. Someday I should go over there and spy on them just to have the satisfaction of catching them in the act…. I’d just love to see the look on their faces…..
We found out the roof in the kitchen is leaking. The 22 YR old did,actually. For awhile now(it must be a couple of months now anyway, since summer) every now and then( and we have since figured out it must be every time it rains) we notice big puddles of water on the kitchen floor by the back door near the washing machine and dishwasher and we have to soak it up with towels there’s so much and we always just assumed it must be either the dishwasher or the washing machine leaking, but then we later found out the mice had chewed thru the wires in the dishwasher and it no longer works so we figured it must be the washing machine….but then…
The 22 YR old must have been standing right in the precise location right under the leak in the roof at just the right time during the rain because he noticed water dripping on him from the ceiling in the kitchen and when you look up you can see some peeling paint and a brownish discoloured area so a leak makes sense and part of the roof is above the kitchen but the problem is that roofers charge a fortune which we can’t afford, at least not without taking out another loan, which would end up being something like our fifth or sixth, as whenever there’s some sort of emergency repair that’s the only way we can get the $$$$ for it, so now our do-it-yourself repair solution is we put a bucket on the kitchen floor below the leak and now it catches the drips so the floor’s not flooded. My mother’s worried now how can we sell the house and I said just make sure when we show the prospective buyers that it’s not raining that day….and hide the bucket.
As well, my hubby said I could have gone to church yesterday evening as he could have driven me instead of today as he has to work and it’s supposed to storm today and I have to walk in the rain so I was all set to go but then at 2 pm I all of a sudden got this massive headache(I’m convinced is connected to when I fainted and fell and hit my head earlier) and I was really dizzy with it too( which was noticeable when I’d taken Buddy out for his walk and I could barely stand) so I never ended up going as I knew there was no way I could stand in church feeling like that; I’d pass out, and I’d already taken my weed earlier, at 8 am (Wake and Bake!) thinking I was going to church later on in the day so it would give it time to wear off before I went so by the time the headache came at 2 pm it had already worn off so I couldn’t even take my weed to get rid of it because I’d already had it. It probably worked out for the best too as my hubby very well could have just been setting me up,too; just saying he was going to take me just to have me get all dressed up and ready and set to go and then just not show up, just to sabotage me, to piss me off…..either way I wasn’t able to go anyway so it didn’t matter…