It’s f*ckin’ COLD out! It’s so frigid cold you can’t feel your face or anything else! When Buddy went out for his morning walk he didn’t even want to go pee; he just stood there stubbornly in refusal, trembling and shaking, and he was limping along and then collapsed as his feet were just so frozen cold. He eventually did go pee and then I scooped him up under my arm and carried him back inside so he wouldn’t have to walk on the cold snow any longer. When he got inside he quickly burrowed deep under his warm “nest” of blankets and hibernated and I tossed my heated blanket on top of him as well to quickly defrost him and warm him up, my poor boy. I said it must easily have been the coldest day of the year so far and my hubby said no, January or February of this year must have been colder, but no, I even heard on the news it is the coldest day of the entire year so far, even colder than any day this past January or February, so I win. I wish I could hibernate until spring, on a beach in the Caribbean! I’m done with this cold winter shit already.
As well, when I was in the kitchen preparing a meal I all of a sudden felt faint, like I was going to pass out, only this time at least I had a “warning” like I usually get; I had that creepy weird restless feeling plus I started to see the flashing lights warning me I have mere seconds to quickly sit down before I pass out and go down hard, so I sat down for a few minutes until it passed and then resumed my activities but it just all of a sudden came out of nowhere suddenly without any warning leading up to it; I didn’t feel sick or dizzy or anything, and then it was fine although now the abdomenal pain is back again and my stomach feels uneasy. That’s one of my biggest concerns lately if I’m out someone alone, like, say, at church, or even worse; on the way walking to church or back by myself; what if I faint again and no one’s there to help me, or even worse; they rob me or something while I’m passed-out laying there on the ground, or even on the road and I get run over by a car? I was fortunate last time it happened in the kitchen and people were home but next time I might not be so lucky…
When Buddy was outside going pee I noticed a bird of prey hiding under a bush in our yard watching him, stalking him as prey,and then it flew up on top of the fence to get a better vantage point so I quickly brought him inside and noticed the bird waited there afterwards for hours, waiting for him to return and it scares the shit out of me. I know some of these things have even swooped down and scooped up human babies and carried them off so hunting a small dog isn’t unheard of. At first I thought I was just seeing things, hallucinating, because I’d had my weed although I was pretty sure that I wasn’t and that it really was real.
At first my automatic reaction was to just freeze in fear but then instinct quickly took over and I rushed Buddy quickly back indoors, and he was completely unaware of the danger lurking just steps away from him, and then later my mother, hubby,and a couple of the kids looked out the window and also saw the bird as well so I knew it wasn’t just me and that it really was there. At first I thought it was a hawk, that it looked kind of brown although I didn’t really get a good look at it and I was kind of freaked out and worried about Buddy, so I went back later for a closer look and I thought it was a penguin as it was the right size and shape but that just didn’t seem right( I was on weed, remember) and then thought perhaps an eagle as closer inspection I could see it was a greyish-brown on top and white on the bottom, but then when I got really up close to try to take a photo( which I never got as it flew away) I could also see spots on the back of it’s head and upper neck and white “fanning” tail feathers along with 3 long ones sticking out, leading me to think that perhaps it might be some sort of owl but when I did a Google search describing it and images began to show up I was able to match it to the sparrow hawk. So it is a hawk,afterall. I was right from the beginning. I’m just glad that I saw it and noticed that it was there and that Buddy wasn’t out alone in the yard for example, or it could have gotten him and I’d never know until it was too late. I don’t even want to think about that.
It’s also really freezing cold out, – 16 C with wind-chill of – 25 C, and my medical marijuana group is having a Christmas potluck dinner and I wonder what kind of desserts they’ll have there, like maybe some special brownies or something? I bet that’s going to be one interesting party but with my social phobia I don’t like to go to parties or socialize and I feel really awkward and uncomfortable around all those people I don’t know and I never know what to say and my anxiety level goes thru the roof and I get panic attacks so I just end up staying home. My hubby and some of the kids also have a Christmas brunch at a country club this weekend one of his brothers works at. It sounds nice, but then again, too many people and crowds make me feel uneasy.