Here is a funny photo of Buddy and the 16 YR old that the 14 YR old took. Look how extra long he is! I know he’s a Dachshund and he is long but in real life he’s still not quite this long, like he appears in the picture. Here he looks like he’s 2-3 times longer than he actually is in real life. I suspect the photo has been “doctored” in some way, edited or Photoshopped, although the girls deny it. If not, then perhaps it’s just the angle, but either way he’s quite the longfellow, we could call him Stretch. I also picked 4 fleas off him in just the same day. Another sign spring is near(he was rolling around in the grass), along with the flock of geese I saw returning the other day and the birds that have come back.I like spring; it always shows new life, a promise of new hope and renewal after a long cold winter. It brings hope.
As well, I have the cold now that 3 of the kids had, now I’m sneezing, have a runny nose and a scratchy throat, and I felt really weird the other day too, just all of a sudden, really “creepy”(like how I did awhile ago in the CT scan) and hard to explain the feeling but the closest would be like when your BP drops suddenly and quickly so I checked it and it was a bit high actually but not concerning but my heart rate was low; 52(normal is 65 or so) and I checked online and anything below 60 is considered bradycardia, or low heart rate, also called Sick Sinus and low enough for a pacemaker, so it would also explain why I’m always so tired and feel like I’m going to faint when I stand up and that time why I did faint that time a few months ago, It will be interesting what the cardiologist says when I see him next month….
I also lost more weight again; I can tell as my rings are looser and so are my pants and my stomach looks flatter.I came across as well something called Addison’s Disease which means low functioning adrenal glands and explains alot of my other symptoms and it makes sense if I have that as well esp. considering I did have issues with my adrenal gland before, incl. low levels of aldosterone.It also would explain the darkening patches I have on my skin…A cousin also informed us that my mother’s uncle( who was in his 90’s) died and so did another cousin’s ex-wife, who would just have been in her 60’s. I remember when their family first moved to this country when I was a teen and when they divorced she moved back to Europe and I think she remarried again.
I had these weird dreams as well, incl. the neighbour’s house next door was on fire and I could see the flames coming from their upstairs window, and another dream that the 23 YR old and his GF split up and I was sad because I like them together and they’re so cute, and another dream as well this family wanted a dog so they said about Buddy, We’ll just take this one! and I said, No you won’t! That’s MY dog, and if you touch him I’ll gut you like a fish! but somehow they did take him but he managed to escape and come back to me.I liked it in church yesterday too in the homily the deacon said that even thru suffering,trials, hardship, and pain you are never alone and that God is with you and Jesus suffered too and you are like a seed planted in darkness that is in a hostile environment yet one day will still blossom. I’m like that seed. I have been planted in darkness and I am waiting to blossom.
It feels like I have a log jam. I’m shitting 4 times a day but only a bit ever comes out at a time( and it’s not diarrhrea) but it feels like it never empties out completely and feels like I’m literally full of shit and I always feel like I have to shit. On top of that I have alot of gas and the abdomenal, stomach, and lower back pain( that I’ve had for months now) has been really bad every day now, almost constantly ( except for the few HRS the pain relief lasts when I take my weed; it’s the only thing that eases it, nothing else works, not ibuprofin, Buscopan, Tylenol, etc..) for the past 2 weeks or so and the pain so bad that you curl up in the fetal position and break out into a sweat from the pain.
I’m wondering why it’s getting worse, but whatever is causing it is obviously getting worse and progressing. I DO have an umbilical hernia and diverticulosis(as one of the CT scans showed) as well as a polyp on my colon they removed so maybe that could be it causing the pain, or maybe it could be my stomach ulcer is back again, or maybe a twisting or obstruction of some kind in my bowel, or perhaps even an abdomenal or aortic aneurysm or some kind of cancer? There are so many possibilities but how come whatever it is hasn’t been found or treated yet? This is getting really bad….
As well, this is the apple carving the 16 TR old did and when I put it up on my Facebook everyone marvelled about it, and it reminds me of on the cruise ships how they carve fancy designs into the fruit and display them at the buffet, and watching the news they were discussing domestic violence and the expert was describing abuse doesn’t always have to be physical and if he berates and belittles his wife, is controlling, there is an imbalance of power in the relationship,and she keeps being made to feel smaller and smaller then that’s still abuse….and that’s me, what I go thru, how he treats me,and how I feel. I am being emotionally abused. I knew it. The other day when Buddy and I left the room I also heard him say to the soon-to-be ( next week) 11 year old, It left…. and I’m not sure if he was referring to my dog….or about me.
As well with the #MeToo movement about women who have been sexually assaulted I know I obviously was as a kid by a relative, from age 4-12, but what I also didn’t really realize at the time but I can clearly see now is that I was also assaulted on a subway when I was a teen: I was standing up holding on to a pole as it was packed full and everyone was packed in tight like sardines and I felt this guy standing behind me pressing into me, really hard, into my ass, and then he started thrusting his hips into me, grinding, really hard, and I tried to get away but it was too crowded to be able to move. At first I thought it was an accidental bump in the crowd but then realized he was doing it on purpose and I was shocked but I still never equated it was assault, because assault was something that happened to women alone in dark alleys….I just shrugged it off as some pervert but now I realize it was much more than that and it really hit me once I realized what it really was. I don’t find it hard to believe at all that most women will experience assault or abuse of one form or another during their lives at least once….