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Things I’ll Never Be Called.

Screen Shot 05-23-16 at 10.37 AM This is basically what I look like naked pretty much(no offence to the hippo though). I’m ugly and I am fat. I am not attractive in the least and the only things I have “going” for me are my funky hairstyle and my nice tan, but that’s not enough. No wonder guys are never attracted to me and don’t see anything in me. Even when I try to do my “sexy” walk I just end up looking “gimpy”  like I’m crippled. I have been called alot of things in my lifetime(mostly not-so-nice!) but there are definitely other things that I have never been, and will never be, called, guaranteed, as long as I live, such as:

  • Pretty
  •  Beautiful
  • Attractive
  • Alluring
  • Stunning
  • MILF
  • Sexy
  • Hot
  • Gorgeous
  • Fetching
  • Sensual
  • Vixen
  • Sexpot
  • Siren
  • Captivating
  • Bombshell
  • Babe
  • “10”
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Lilac Season.

Screen Shot 05-22-16 at 11.42 AM It’s May and you know what that means……lilacs! They’ve always been my fave. flowers and I just *LOVE* the smell(I even wear lilac perfume!!) and I have my entire life, even when I was a little kid. My grandmother used to have a bush in her backyard and give me some and I dreamed of having lilacs in my wedding bouquet one day except I got married in December and we had an el-cheapo wedding so it never happened but maybe I can have them at my funeral, esp. since most people in my family do die in May so the odds are very high…. After church  I went on a lilac hunt and got a big garbage bag full and it filled 4 vases and I have them all over the house so now the whole house smells like lilacs and I just love it.I think that’s what Heaven must smell like. I picked them from a public area though; I won’t steal them off anyone’s property; I’ll just take them from a park, a field, or along the road.Like all beauty, they don’t last long though and are only in bloom for 2 weeks.

As well, I had this evil thought(since my mother’s such a bitch to me all the time) to rub my mother’s toothbrush in my ass crack and then put it back for her to use as my way of quiet, silent revenge, but I’m not sure which one is hers though or if she even has one or just uses whichever one is there or if she even brushes her teeth at all, esp. since she hardly even has any teeth left, and in church yesterday a guy sitting beside me said, “Nice tan!” and it’s been a YR since my boob reduction surgery as well  and I wanted small boobs so that they wouldn’t bounce and jiggle when I walk but they still do so they’re still bigger than I was hoping for but not as bad as they were.

The neighbour across the street was giving away a bunch of free stuff as well so we took a  computer chair and a couple of bedside tables, and a futon which we gave to the 18 YR old and it can be used as both a couch and a bed, and I also just found out that someone paid the 18 YR old’s first month’s rent and I’m not going to say who it is because they don’t like me talking about them on my blog but I just want them to know that I think it was a very nice thing for them to do, esp. when I don’t think that they have alot of spare $$$$$ themselves. The 13 YR old also went online and ordered a bunch of free samples as she likes to get mail and likes free stuff but I just hope that she didn’t sign her life away , promise them her first-born,or something, or join some club where she has to buy something every month for the rest of her life …..

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The Blockade.

Screen Shot 05-21-16 at 02.19 PM When I was walking Buddy I was turned away by the police and told to go back the other way as the entire street was barricaded and blocked off. There were cops everywhere and I saw 6 police cars. At first I saw a cop standing in front of B’s house and the yellow crime scene tape and my first thought shuddered thru me, “Oh, my God! I hope B didn’t get murdered!” but then I saw it went all the way down the street and another neighbour sitting on her front porch told me the cops told her to get back in her house for her own safety; that she was “too close” based on the call they received….it was for the rooming-house at the corner….again….as always…the same place that crazy guy that threatened  to kill me used to live! The losers there are ALWAYS causing problems and the cops are always there! I asked her, “What did they do NOW?” and she said she didn’t know but added she probably needs to put on her bullet-proof vest and I replied, “At least *you* HAVE one!” My guess would be either a gun or bomb threat to have so many cops, to have an entire street blocked off and telling people to stay away…maybe they’ll mention it on the radio later?

But that wasn’t my *ONLY* “adventure” for the day…..there’s also THIS:

The 18 YR old sent the 16 YR old a cryptic text that he’s “sorry that he’s not ‘good enough’ for us” (I don’t know where he gets that from; we’ve never said that, and we don’t think that) and that he has “nothing to live for anymore” and he said goodbye…and he was there all alone as his room-mates were at work so she called 9-1-1 and my hubby drove up there( he lives in another town about 30 minutes away) as we were worried he was going to try and kill himself again….I was soooo worried and scared…but as it turned out he was fine….the ambulance showed up and my hubby drove up to check up on him and there he was sitting there watching TV and Skyping with the second-oldest in Japan! So I don’t know what THAT was all about; was he “pranking” us or “testing” us to see how we’d react or if we care? I’m just relieved that he’s ok!

As well, I had this thought pop into my head that what if I’m secretly a grandmother and I don’t even know it? That one of the boys fathered a child; that there’s a baby out there that maybe even he doesn’t know about(or just isn’t telling me) and I could be a GRANDMOTHER! I also heard at the moment of death that God takes away your fear so that you’re not afraid, and that pre-deseased loved ones are there to meet you and I wonder if you get to choose who meets you or if it’s an assigned job? If I get to choose I want my grandmother to be the one that greets me….