Secondary infertility?

Even though I have 11 kids I think I may have secondary infertility and this thought makes me sad; sad I’ll never again  feel the flutters of life growing inside me, sad I’ll never hold a newborn again or breastfeed. Sad there will no longer be any more babies in the house. I have been pregnant and had babies for the past almost 20 years and  even though all things must come to an end this saddens me and it feels like an identity crisis. I won’t know what to DO with myself! It took 3 YEARS to get prego with the last one and he’s 2 years old now and nothing since; am I starting menopause? God opens and closes the womb,and although I am grateful I’ve had many babies the fact that it may be over now(I’m 42) fills me with a loss.

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