I HATE it I’m stupid!!

I HATE it I’m stupid. I hate BEING stupid. I hate myself FOR being stupid. Today is another shining example: I downloaded something  and a warning popped up my computer had a “worm” and I had to click something to get rid of the virus, and I, not being smart enough to tell the difference, believed it…and ended up giving myself the virus in doing so, which my computer-savvy hubby had to painstakingly try to remove,and hates me for BEING so dumb and so easily fooled! Well, guess what, *I* hate it,too, and everything is always so hard for me and everything’s a struggle all the time; I have a hard time getting along in the world, relating to people and navigating my way thru life. What comes easy for other people is a struggle for me and what they take for granted and works out the first time(or at least the second) takes me 10-12 tries to get right. I seriously think I must have part of my brain missing; I can’t even do simple math,and have no perception,have trouble understanding things,and am easily confused and can’t tell what’s “real” or not,and get tricked.I am the unfortunate soul nothing ever works out for or goes right. Things always go wrong and being dumb makes life very difficult and it’s very frustrating even just trying to survive.It just seems things come naturally and easy for others and work out most of the time and generally go right more times than not, but for me it’s the opposite, and being dumb makes everything a challenge and an obstacle to struggle thru,and unless you have experienced it, you have no idea how hard it is and how defeating it is to have a problem with EVERYTHING all the time; if my hubby is angered having to be a spectator to it, imagine what life is like for ME having to actually LIVE with it? I am too dumb to live, I think!

The Dreamweaver….

Here is something interesting that happened to me: On Fri. I had a dream my mother’s uncle collapsed in the street and died,and today my cousin e-mailed me and said just yesterday he was rushed to the ER with an aneurysm and is very ill. Freaky, I know, but several of my dreams HAVE come true; I have often had warnings ahead of time(I think is the Holy Spirit interceding, or perhaps even my Guardian Angel, but Heavenly help of some sort!) of things that have later occured, some right away, and others even years later, such as our house fire, one of my kids not breathing at birth, one of the kids having leukemia, the danger of an enemy that attacked our family,and of my liver problem, and of an aquaintance having a premature birth, are a few other examples. The Irish call this being “fey” and it tends to run in families,and I know my grandmother had “visions” of things and my 10 year old has had a couple of instances as well. The kids say I’m like Joseph in the Bible, who had dreams sent by God. Last night I had a dream a plane crashed in a small town in Norway…I clearly stay away form the occult and fortune telling and such as warned in the Bible, and I don’t go SEARCHING for these things, yet somehow I just KNOW things I have no way of knowing and get these dreams that later come to pass,and nothing that has conflicted with God’s Word,and in fact, have warned and  prepared us and  saved us on several occasions, so it must be FROM God…