I read an article on a 15 YR old who had been bullied for 3 months and committed suicide; the only way out; the only way to end the pain and make it stop. I cried reading it, as I have been there; I KNOW what it feels like and I too tried to kill myself over it but failed(obviously!) It started for me when I was 13. Up until then life was good; I was happy, I had friends, I greatly enjoyed my childhood growing up in the 70’s and had no self esteem issues….and then once I started grade 7 everything changed and my world was shattered: I was bullied by my entire CLASS, not just 1 or 2 bullies(which itself is bad enough still!) and I endured this for 2 1/2 YRS; in 3 different classes in 2 different schools; it just seemed to “follow” me until in mid way of grade 9 I transferred to a different school but the emotional damage and psychological scars STILL remained, and still do, even to this day and I’m 43 now. I was ostracised, outcast, and picked on for one reason: I’m ugly. There’s no way around it and no denying it; I am ugly(and my nick-names incl. “Dog” “Ugly” “Frankenstein-Face” and “Skuz.”) I was branded as ugly and “weird”. I was(and still am) different as well; NOT going along with the crowd and it’s immorality; I didn’t date, party, drink, or do drugs. I was beat up, spat on, tripped, hit over the head and poked in the ribs with binders,had gum thrown in my hair,called names, mocked and ridiculed,jeered at, whispered about, ignored, taunted,and even had my clothes(during swim class) shoved into the toilet. When I had finally had enough(up until then I just tried to ignore it) and went to the principal she called me and the “ringleaders” into her office and proceeded to scold ME(in front of them) that it was MY fault and that I “deserved” it for “being ugly” and since I “did this” that “it will only get worse fr me.”(which it did.) It was only by the grace of God I survived but I still have no self-esteem to this day, I hate myself and how I look(and I hate myself for BEING ugly) and have Social Phobia as a result, among various other anxiety disorders,self loathing, no self-esteem,trust issues, and depression. This is one reason I homeschool my own kids; to protect them from this sort of thing happening to them.(as well as for moral, spiritual and academic reasons).Reading this article made me sad to realize nothing has changed over all these years and is in fact probably even worse. Kids are teased and are scapegoats just for being different; for being ugly, fat, skinny,nerdy, having glasses or braces, having a disability, an accent,for their religious beliefs,for non conforming, for having morals, for their skin colour or race,for being smart,for being “slow”, etc. it goes on and on. When will it stop? When will innocent people stop being needlessly and senselessly brutalized like this? What can society do to STOP it? It has become an epidemic and comes with a very heavy cost.Lives are forever damaged(or even lost) as a result!!
The pedophile priest/sex abuse scandals in the Church are now reaching new heights and are wide spread throughout the world. It is shocking and horrifying. Even MORE so is the fact that there is murmuring that the Pope KNEW all along and covered it up; that he shuffled offending bishops and priests from parish to parish, without reporting it to the proper authorities or offering compensation, counselling, and validation to the innocent victims. He and his camp deny this, and if you read anything in the Catholic press it always defends him,saying he had no idea and is innocent, and claims it is merely malicious anti-Catholic attacks against the Church and that followers should support the Holy Father. So, as a devout Catholic, what are MY thoughts on this? I certainly hope it’s NOT true, that he really didn’t know what was doing on(and maybe he really didn’t) although I find this unlikely. SOMEONE must have known; he must have been informed or at the very least heard rumours(and therefore should have investigated it). If he DID know and was covering it up this is shameful beyond belief and he should resign.I think it’s that simple. If he is guilty of a cover up then the faithful should indeed NOT support or defend him as this is a grave sin that is unjustifyable and inexcusable. It also gives the Church and the Papacy a bad name.If and when he found/finds out, he should take swift disciplinary action against those who are guilty and BE accountable FOR it on behalf of the Church.If he is innocent, God knows,and that’s what really matters.Only He knows for sure and can judge; the rest of us can just speculate, and of course, the Pope himself knows! This should be no surprise though as Last Days Bible prophecy DID say during this time of a Great Apostacy in the Church, starting at the top, and if Satan(who was once an angel) can fall, why not bishops, priests, or even the Pope himself? We are ALL at risk and must be vigilant!
My hubby is in Texas for a week at a convention(he comes back late tomorrow night) and said he is having fun there and getting a break from all the chaos that is our house and life! He said it’s a totally different world there than here as well, such as seeing a bunch of people riding in the back of pick-up trucks driving down the highway, and distressing to hear as well about the blatant racism prevelant there; he said there are many vigilantes that “hunt” down illegal Mexicans that cross the border; they SHOOT them and they hate Obama and black people,too! How truly awful and redneck! He also forgot his driver’s license in the van parked at the airport here and was unable to rent a car, so he’s also unable to drive to shop for souvenirs(except for what he can find at the airport!) so the kids are disappointed.I was hoping he’d see armadillos there(and take photos) but he said they are more south to where he is.Oh,well.The first person he met there as he got off the plane was the “typical” stereotypical Texan,too: like 6 foot 3, wearing a cowboy hat and boots and with a thick drawl said,”Where are y’all coming from?” and he went to a chili cook-off and BBQ, and said the weather is nice and warm there,too! I wonder if everything really IS bigger in Texas? Yee-haw!!!
My hubby is in Texas for a week at a convention(he comes back late tomorrow night) and said he is having fun there and getting a break from all the chaos that is our house and life! He said it’s a totally different world there than here as well, such as seeing a bunch of people riding in the back of pick-up trucks driving down the highway, and distressing to hear as well about the blatant racism prevelant there; he said there are many vigilantes that “hunt” down illegal Mexicans that cross the border; they SHOOT them and they hate Obama and black people,too! How truly awful and redneck! He also forgot his driver’s license in the van parked at the airport here and was unable to rent a car, so he’s also unable to drive to shop for souvenirs(except for what he can find at the airport!) so the kids are disappointed.I was hoping he’d see armadillos there(and take photos) but he said they are more south to where he is.Oh,well.The first person he met there as he got off the plane was the “typical” stereotypical Texan,too: like 6 foot 3, wearing a cowboy hat and boots and with a thick drawl said,”Where are y’all coming from?” 🙂 and he went to a chili cook-off and BBQ, and said the weather is nice and warm there,too! I wonder if everything really IS bigger in Texas? Yee-haw!!!
Hosanna in the highest! Today is Passion(Palm) Sunday. A week before Easter and commemorating the time Jesus triumphantly entered Jerusalem, greeted by well-wishers who spread their cloaks on the ground as He passed by, greeting Him with palm branches, welcoming Him. How quickly things can change; in just a mere 5 more days He will be tried and crucified; wrongly accused and put to death, yet He died for US; to save US from OUR sins. Will WE welcome Him,TOO, in the same way He was all those many years ago?We should be welcoming Him into our hearts EVERY day, like on Palm Sunday!
I have had PTSD 3 times in my life, lasting on average a year each time, due to extreme traumas I have experienced. One being when our house burnt down and we were in the house at the time,barely escaping with our lives, another when our then 7 year old son had leukemia, and the third for a life-shattering event I won’t go into here, but suffice it to say I was never the same since; that I lost a part of myself and part of me “died”; and my feeling of safety and security was shattered forever. and it has affected the rest of my life.It was just time that healed it; the flash-backs, panic attacks,nightmares, “re-living” the events, the phobia and depression,avoiding what reminded me of it,trying to lean to trust again, being hyper-vigilant, fearful,etc. I do wonder though, if like malaria or the Parvo virus, it can actually relapse and have flare-ups every now and then, even years later? I can go “back” to a certain memory for instance(such as when I ran up the stairs in the fire and out the door as the flames chased me, roaring and howling like a demon,singing off my bangs and eyelashes, or where I was and how I felt when the doctor told us our son did have cancer; the heart-stopping panic, sick to my stomach with cold stark fear and dread, how he had the kindest look in his eyes as he broke the news to us,etc.) and the fear and chilling terror and panic comes back again; I feel it all over again and have to quickly banish the thought/memory from my mind as I just CAN’T ever go back there ever again; I just can’t; going thru it the first time was bad enough and so I have to try and repress those memories and push it into the back of my mind, never allowing it to resurface(and the fear and despair and desolation that came with it) because it is too painful to go there. I try to NOT dwell on it, or to even remember it, as it is too painful to go back to how I felt then; how hopeless and lost I was, how I didn’t know how I could get thru another day. Is it possible for it to actually relapse, if even only for a brief memory, before it is repressed once again for my own emotional health and well-being? I struggle with this daily and doubt I will ever be free.
I was born in the late 1960’s and therefore am a child of the 70’s and a teen of the 80’s and I look back on those years with happy nostalgia; the way-out offbeat funky clothes of the 70’s(platform shoes, sequin tops, peasant blouses, corduroy,bell-bottoms,”Farrah” hair, etc.)and the Disco music(Bee Gees, ABBA, Gloria Gaynor, Village People, Commodores,etc.) the TV shows I watched(Charlie’s Angels, Starsky and Hutch, The Gong Show, What’s Happening! Good Times,The Love Boat,etc.) and the movies of the time(Grease, Saturday Night Fever, Star Wars,The Goodbye Girl,etc.)and the happy fun I had as a child in that time, and as a teen in the 80’s and remembering the odd fashion of that era(“big” hair, padded shoulders, acid wash,leg warmers,neon,rubber bracelets,etc.) and the music(Madonna,Cyndi Lauper, Duran Duran,Toto, Asia,Prince, Rick Springfield, The Culture Club,etc.) and the TV sitcoms(The Facts of Life, The Cosby Show, The Golden Girls,Night court, Cheers,etc) and who can forget the iconic John Hughes movies(Ferris Bueller’s Day Off(still my all-time fave. movie!) The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles,etc) and others such as the Indiana Jones’ series, Back to the Future,Fame,Crocodile Dundee,etc.it still brings a big smile on my face to remember those times and I am glad I grew up during those times.Now whenever I hear a song from those days or see a TV show re-run or old movie, I get happy memories and for a moment am taken back to that time in my life and I feel like I am a kid or a teen again,and now my kids are starting to do the same; our oldest(turns 21 this year) said about the original “Toy Story” movie released in 1995, now in it’s 15th year anniversary(it came out when he was 6 years old) he remarked it “makes him feel old.”Welcome to the club,Sonny Boy! Where DID the time GO? It’s hard to believe it was so long ago and feels like it was only a few mere years…sigh…
My “baby” is now 3 years old. He is an energetic and heart-stopping combination of recklessness, defiance,mischieviousness(he makes Dennis the Menace look like an angel!!)destructiveneness, stubbornness,energy,rage,fury,genius,humour,unholy terror,sweetness, and worry. He is my youngest, born when I was 40 after a 4 year gap in-between him and his sister;a baby I never thought I’d have and who I could have lost when I developed Obstetric Cholestasis and liver failure, the cause of late stillbirth(form 37 weeks on) and so he was induced at 37 weeks. He has grown to be incredibly smart and can already read, spell, do math(incl. multiplication!),phonics, count, and print his letters.He is also a dare-devil that has eaten soap, licked ant traps,dives off the couch head-first, climbs up to the TOP bunk bed,ran out onto the road after opening the front door and sneaking outside,and picked up toadstools among many other dangerous exploits and he is the most defiant, mouthy, demanding, difficult and troublesome of ALL the kids, and more trouble than ANY of them at ANY age and more so than all 11 of them put together! God knew what He was doing when He saved him for my last child; if not he would have scared me into not having any more.He is an unholy terror but I love him.He has good points too, such as being funny, smart and sweet.He can be very endearing and affectionate. He is very difficult(and very naughty and destructive and NO punishments EVER work!) and his antics terrify the hell out of me and always keeps me on edge,and he is very challenging(the kids even timed him and he did 27 bad things in just 20 min!)incl. biting,pinching, and hitting the other kids, throwing things at our heads,spitting,flushing things in the toilet, grabbing the other kids’ toys and throwing them in the garbage or hiding them,pulling the dog up by it’s tail,pushing people down the stairs,etc.(none of the others were EVER like that!) but he’s my Buddy Boy! ♥ you!! Happy Birthday little man! I am surprised that BOTH he and I made it this far and “survived” 3 years! To say he is a “handful” would be an understatement! 🙂 I don’t even want to THINK what he’ll be like as a TEEN! Oy!!
Hubby has left for his flight to Dallas; at a convention for a week and the 6 YR old is now sick; she barfed 4 times last night and (so far) none today but she has a fever, flushed cheeks and is laying around all day today, poor thing. I just hope we don’t have any emergencies while he’s away as we have no transportation!The 2 YR old also did(we timed it) 27 bad things in just a 20 min. time span and after 4 days of rain and coolness(after 2 weeks of mildness) it finally feels like spring again and we went outside.Ironically as well: I still accept Facebook friend requests from pagans and gays, etc.(not wanting to be judgemental, and to give them a chance as people) even though they are far from my “spectrum”, but then as soon as they find out I’M religious THEY de-friend ME, but at least I know I still did the right thing by not rejecting them….and they say that CHRISTIANS are the “intolerant” ones? snort, snort!Oh, the irony! I am still bald as well and relish and delight in enthralling and shocking people with my big old bald head! ahahahahahaha!!
In 1985 when I was 18 I bought my first “grown up” dress for 65$ at a bridal shop. It was black, with short pouffy sleeves, a “cross over” bodice and a sash at the waist.It fell to mid calf and it made me feel glamourous, like a movie star! Of course I had nowhere to actually WEAR it; I bought in “just in case” and periodically I would take it out of the closet and put it on, with a black hat,fancy heels and necklace, to “practice” but it spent all it’s time waiting in the closet, for when the man I loved and hoped to marry(but ended up rejecting me and breaking my heart) would whisk me off to a ballroom, a formal party,or a red carpet event and I could put on my dress, but it never happened; that poor little black dress never got it’s chance; it burned up 11 years later when we had a house fire, never to be worn. Now 25 years later as I look back, I find myself 43 years old and comparing my life to that dress. High hopes for an exciting glamourous, exotic adulthood and future, filled with hopes and dreams that never materialized. I did eventually marry and have kids,and I have been to many places and travelled extensively, but something was always missing; something I had always longed for and lacked. I never did have an epic passionate and exciting romance or the “fairy tale wedding” I had always dreamed of. I missed out on so many things in life; I never lived on my own, went to the University of Cairo like I had hoped, or even learned to drive a car.My life,hopes,dreams and fantasies ended up like that little black dress; hanging in the closet,full of hope, waiting, never having it’s time come, and like the dress in the fire, burned up and forever destroyed never getting it’s chance to shine.