I learned 2 new words today!!

I was talking with my son today and one of our chats went pretty much like this:

Him: “There was a big riot and the police used tear gas.”

Me: “Why? Who was rioting and why?”

Him: “Habs won.”

Me: “What’s ‘Habs?'”

Him: “Hockey team.”

(my obvious question here is if they WON and they’re happy, then why riot,usually an act of displeasure,such as with the gov’t, a policy, or an act of political statement, and I’d hate to think what they’d do if they LOST….) so that’s word # 1.(never heard of them)

WORD # 2:

He mentioned about a H+M that was on fire downtown….

Me: “What’s H+M?”

Him: “Clothing store, for Hipsters.”

Me;”What’s a Hipster?”(note my common response to most things lately,”What’s that?”) and he described how they dress and the music they like and so on, to which I added,

“I guess I’m not a Hipster.”(since I was clueless what they were ,and not to be confused with hippies) see above photo: the clothing reminds me of the styles we wore back in the 1980’s(I wonder if the Hipsters know this?)

He also used a word I DO know: “Guido”…so I’m not TOTALLY hopeless…. 🙂

More signs of the “Last Days?”

I keep on seeing increasingly more and more signs of the “Last Days” before Jesus’ return lately, those of increased natural disasters,unusual weather patterns, pestilences, and global economic collapse, such as the recent earthquakes and now Australia has a plague of locusts(reminding me of the one in ancient Egypt) which is crippling the country and paralyzing their agriculture,and now Greece is on the brink of economic collapse thereby also affecting the entire European Union and ultimately the rest of the  world, economy,and let us not forget the recent recession of just last year,and now my son said where he is they just got 10cm SNOW and it’s almost MAY! Definitely unusual weather patterns, increased natural disasters and pestilences and economic woes affecting many. What next? Annihilation of many nations(does that mean literally; such as being submerged by a tsunami or flattened by earthquakes?) or financially,( such as economic collapse?) and fire falling from the sky(meteors perhaps?) Time will tell but there is a definite “buzz” in the air and things are clearly “shifting” and happening at an increased pace;indications of God fed up with all the sin, evil and immorality in the world, indifference(and even hatred and disregard) towards Him and His Word,devaluing of human life, false religion and  the like; He will not be mocked and is ready to judge the earth.I’m excited!!

Mamma Mia!

I enjoy hearing kids outside at recess, laughing, having fun and playing; it reminds me of my happy childhood; as a kid I was happy, despite not knowing my dad, hardly ever seeing my mom,being a lonely only child,and molested by a relative; I liked my school, I had friends and I was happy, esp. compared to my teen and adult years!At least, that is, until  grade 7 and the merciless bullying started, lasting for years, and forever changed my life; from that moment on I became like the “Untouchables” in India; an outcast, on the outside looking in,excluded, inferior, reviled and ostracized, and “normal” people(with “normal” happy lives) were always out of my league and I was held back, limited, and left out of life, merely running on survival mode.My daily life was a mere existance to try to tolerate and survive.

To top it off, and this is hard for me to write, but I think it needs to be said(or at least I need to “release” it) there’s no way around it, but my mother hates me as well; as a kid she farmed me off to daycare from age 6 weeks to 11 years(and then she just left me home alone to fend for myself, so I essentially raised myself for the most part) and even now I’m an adult she’s hateful, mean, spiteful, vengeful, hurtful, bossy, controlling, meddling, interferes, over-steps boundaries with my kids and over-rules and undermines me and my authority over them.She always jumps at the chance to make me look bad, to prove me wrong, to cut me down and to dig in cutting digs,cruel and nasty  comments and remarks, and shows no love or support; only ridicule, criticism and blame.I can’t understand WHY she’s so mean and hates me so much; did she not want a kid and regrets she had me? Is she resentful she’s a single mother(or is it personal and she just hates me?) although I can see WHY my father left her(she’s a hard person to love and impossible to live with!) or am I simply just a worthless nothing that even my own mother can’t love me? These are questions I ask myself all the time, and yet despite my life of rejection, hardship, emotional pain, depression, bad luck,and traumas I have always had a strong faith and love of God(that my mother  also demeans and devalues as well) and immense love of the Lord; I am a sorrowful struggling and suffering soul, but I have comfort in knowing God loves me just as I am,emotionally damaged and unloved and all; He loves me even when it feels like no one else does and He heals my brokenness and eases my pain.I am like a broken vessel God puts together one piece at a time, but the “cracks” will still always remain, yet He sees hope, promise and potential in me and isn’t finished with me yet; I struggle to overcome my painful past and my ongoing “toxic” relationship with my mother, I am not alone for He is with me.

“Ketchup” Post.

Catching up:

The 6 YR old asked me,”What’s a ‘skank?'” and has a booger collection stuck to her bedroom wall,and her and the 3 YR old played a game where they farted on eachother,and the 3 YR old also broke his 3rd laptop computer so no more for him now on! The kids rode bikes wearing rollerblades as well,I got stung by a wasp and the welt swelled up 4 times it’s original size,and clogs are back in style once again so I dug out my 2 pair I’d had in the closet for years. My hubby’s nephew was also an “extra” in an ABC TV show that was filmed nearby,and the 12 YR old said if his cancer ever did come back he wouldn’t go thru chemo again; he’d rather die, which was heartbreaking to hear,and we had a birthday this week, and the kids away at university start their final exams.I have had my excruciating headache now for 9 days so far and my mental faculties also continue to decline(it’s almost as if I have Alzheimers) like today I put the streudels in the toaster but forgot to press down the thingy so they’d start to cook and then when they were warm I’d forgotten to put the icing on; this is just an example of my failing brain; I forget common words or mix up words(eg. call a phone a clock) and reverse letters(eg. “lots” becomes “lost” or “need” ends up “nned”), numbers and words and things come out opposite to what I mean(eg. “hot summer” comes out “cold winter” or “the grass is green” turns into “the green is grass”),and I am so forgetful(eg. go into a room and forget why I went there) and the thing is I never USED to be that way; and at 43 it’s not old enough to HAVE dementia yet, but everything is so hard and such a struggle for me, even basic tasks and I can’t do ANY kind of math at all! When I mentioned how I also “have no rational thinking anymore,either”(eg. when the 3 YR old locked me outside  in a frantic panic I banged and yelled at the door and it never even occurred to me to go around to the FRONT door and ring the doorbell so someone would hear me and let me in) my mom cruelly snarked, “You never DID!” which was very hurtful as well as untrue. Why does she always have to be so hateful and mean to me? She is a toxic suppressive person I seriously need to distance myself from, for my own emotional well being and I think I am doing my purgatory here on earth with all the hardships,rejection, bad luck, traumas and struggles I have in life.I can hardly function sometimes and each day is hard just to survive.Even the easy, basic things that are no problem for anyone else are a huge hurdle for me and I’m just not well equipped for life. 😦

The moment I have waited years for!!

I heard good news! From now on the dumb Olympics will no longer be on the regular TV channels(due to losing $$$ as not as many people viewed it as they’d expected)highjacking all the channels and news, but on Pay-per-view only,and soon ALL loser sports and sports games(due to the high cost of the athlete’s salaries) will be televised that way,too, so we’ll no longer have our regular shows pre-empted for that crap and miss them! This is long overdue, and I have waited years for this, and it’s about time the rest of us won’t be disrupted for  stupid sports; if they want it they can pay for it and everyone else still gets to see their shows too so everyone’s happy! This had been my biggest pet-peeve!Not everyone cares and why should a minority that DO get priority over the rest of us that don’t?

Sorrowful Salty.

We received the Knorr salt and pepper shakers we’d ordered based on their “Sidekicks” commercial, which, I have to say, is the saddest and most heartbreaking thing: I feel so badly for the poor abandoned sorrowful “Salty”; as the commercial goes, the new “Sidekicks” have less salt so the salt shaker is no longer needed or welcome and has to hit the road; he is abandoned and leaves home, walking forlornly out into the rain, bereft and crying, heartbroken,alone and homeless, wandering down the road. It’s just the saddest thing, poor Salty! The new salt shakers are a ceramic material and are bigger than I thought and are so cute, but they don’t live at the kitchen table where they’d be at risk for being broken by the kids; we have them safe and secure locked away behind the protective glass of the china cabinet in the diningroom, waiting to be brought out for dinner on special occasions.Salty(and his companion “Pepper”) have found a good home! 🙂

Biblical worldview vs. secularism.

My son(away at university) complained to me recently he doesn’t like it that I always send him “biased, one-sided” articles.The way I see it though is he’s already surrounded  and influenced by the secular worldview and he needs to see the other side which isn’t so widely advertised; which counteracts with the immoral sinful world’s way. It’s very easy to see and know what they think and how they do things; I want him to be exposed to God’s ways/laws,etc. He needs to be reminded of what’s true and right which can easily be lost and even suppressed and censored in the world he’s in; they certainly aren’t going to bring it up in the university or in the press or on the news; the only way is when I remind him, and so also he doesn’t think it’s just me that thinks so/sees things like that/says that etc.I don’t want him to be swayed by the world and to lose his values and to be indoctrinated and brainwashed by the secular world that engulfs him, be it on sexuality, environmentalism, what they teach in the schools,etc. I want him to always be informed on the Church’s stance and what righteous Christians in general think and react on current events.I am his “link” to Biblical worldview and I want to keep him informed and updated. It’s my job to raise him godly and even though he’s now an adult and on his own he”s still my son and I will always be looking out for his well-being and that incl. his spiritual well-being.I still want him to make godly choices and to not be influenced by the sinful world and to be led astray, perhaps even without his knowing it.He needs to be armed and aware at all times.Everyone needs a moral compass to guide them and make sure they stay on the right path.I keep him reminded!