Our next door neighbours are such white trash rednecks, it’s not funny! They threw a dog turd over the fence into our pool(I mean, what sort of person DOES something like that?), blare loser country music, always drinking beer and smoking(both cigarettes and marijuana), say the “F-Word” every second, loudly discuss their favourite sexual positions, the police have paid them visits, etc.. now, might YOUR neighbours be white trash rednecks,too? For fun I devised a quiz to find out, as being one is a lifestyle, devoid of any culture,class, education, sophistication and morality.They are crude, crass, vulgar and “rough.” For every “yes” answer, it is a “marker” and the more “yes” answers you check off, the more low-class and redneck they are! Here goes:
Pogue Mahone’s white trash/redneck test:
Do/are/ they/do/like the following:
-loud parties, often with police visits.
-wear either trucker or sports teams caps.
– alcohol(esp. beer and whisky) and often drunk and/or alcoholic.
– wear cowboy hats and/or cowboy boots.
-women: their kids all have different fathers.
-teen pregnancies/teenage parents.
-losing virginity early.
-many sex partners.
-sexually transmitted diseases.
– sex with relatives or animals, inbred family.
– women wear sleazy, tight, low-cut,revealing, short clothes,look like hookers.
– guys wear “wife beater” shirts and have chains hanging out of their jeans.
-sports(esp. hockey, football, boxing,etc.)
-say the “F-Word” every few seconds, every second word, as an adjective.
-Well known to the police.
– Have been in jail and/or most of their family has been in jail.
– Go to bars, pick up strangers.
– Frequent fist fights and various crimes and violence.
– Own guns and like to shoot things.
– Live in a trailer or rental house or apt.
– Hates other races(eg. Blacks, Jews, Asians, etc.)
-Supports the KKK or are even members.
– Have no interest in learning a foreign language, travelling, or being exposed to other cultures.
– Is named, or names their kids, “Zeke”, “Clem”, “Cletus”, “Jimbo”, “Billy-Bob” etc.
_”Tail gate” parties.
– UFC and other violent “entertainments”.
– Say “Yee-Haw”, “Y’all”, “Eh?” “You’s Guys”, etc..
– Poor grammar and spelling, can’t read well, if at all.
– High school drop out.
-Work minimum wage if even employed at all.
– Drive a pick-up truck.
– Women have no hair styles and just have hair put back in ponytail.
– Guys have mullets.
– Missing teeth.
– On welfare or other gov’t social assistance, often for generations.
– Gamble( lottery, BINGO, race track, etc.)
– Frequently spit on road, sidewalk, grass, etc.
– Aggravate their neighbours.
– Have never been to an opera, ballet, the theatre, etc.
– Never read Shakespeare, poetry, or any Classics.
– Use double-negatives(eg. “I ain’t seen nothin’!” “I don’t know nothing!” etc.)
– Have “Redneck Porch Furniture” (eg. couch on veranda.)
– Have a car(or several) usually without wheels on the grasss or up on cinder blocks on their lawn.
– Likes hunting and fishing.
– Strong supporter of the military and war.
– Steals things.
– Plays cards(esp. poker).
– Plays pool.
-Always has a cigarette or can of beer in their hand.
-Watches soap operas.
-Reads “romance” novels.
How many “yes” did you check off? Being a redneck can be “cured”; all they need is a little culture; exposure to better friends and a cleaner lifestyle.It’s not an easy job but it can be done.Remember being white trash doesn’t have to necessarily have to do with income: one can be rich and be uncultured(the Kennedys are an example of this) and one may be poor but have high standards and morals; it is a way of life. How do YOUR neighbours score?