The pool leak guy is a scammer! He called us about us cancelling our app’t since they were going to charge us as a new service call, even though they’d said it was under warranty and if the leak persisted they’d make a return call for free, but then had the nerve to say it’s a “new” leak(instead of the SAME one as before they failed to locate!)so they’d called us back and my hubby explained it’s a rip-off,and they claimed there wasn’t a warranty and even accused my hubby of “lying” about it, and they were yelling and fighting over the phone and then he hung up on my hubby! What a horrible way to treat customers! They SUCK!! As well, before they had us pay up front, before they even came(who does that? Usually you pay AFTER the service, and in many cases not until 1-2 weeks later when they mail you the bill) and we now know why: it’s a scam; they’ll come and take a look and just tell everyone they can’t find the leak,and get paid regardless as they’d have already cashed it, otherwise people would simply say,”Well, you didn’t find the leak so I’m not paying!”since they never received the service. What a rip-off! So, we still have the leak,and likely always will. I can’t believe the nerve of those guys though!

As well, I found out today my hubby forgot to pay our Internet bill, now a MONTH late! I flipped! His excuse is he’s “too busy” but that’s no excuse! Everyone’s busy, but you still have to pay your bills on time and not be a deadbeat! I’m so embarrassed!I guess we’re lucky they didn’t shut our service off! Then he screams at ME to shut up about it and ordered me to not talk about it any more, so I told him he’s not my boss and I can say whatever I want! Then he yells he doesn’t have to listen to me, and then I told him he never does,anyway. He can be such an asshole!

The Money Pit Continues…..

Well, guess what now? The pool is STILL leaking! It seemed to have fixed itself but now for the past 6 days it’s been getting lower the lower once again  and I’ve had to keep re-filling it with water 1-2 times a day now, 1-2 HRS at a time. So, we called the pool guy that came before to check for the leak(he’d only “tweaked” a few things before but said there was no major leak…..uh, I guess he was wrong, he just never FOUND it!) but he had the nerve to say we must have sprung a “new” leak and therefore it isn’t covered under the “warranty” he claimed we had before, that a return call was free of charge if the leak hadn’t been resolved, and as a new leak he has to charge us as a new service call, for 375$ so we just said forget it! By the time we pay that(and who’s to say that the same thing won’t just happen again and he still never locates the leak and we’re out even MORE $ and STILL have the leak!) and it’ll be cheaper to just keep refilling it every day; even though the water bill’s astronomical, it’s still cheaper than if the leak is located and having to pay them to tear up our yard,expose the pipes, rip up the concrete and dig underground,etc. to fix it! We haven’t got the $$$$ anyway and have already exceeded our pool budget for the season and there’s just no more $$$$ left for it, so the leak will just have to remain, and by the way, hubby left a scathing message for the guy and added he’s trying to rip us off and that he’ll definitely NOT be referring his services to anyone! What a money pit the pool has become, just one added expense on top of another and the truth is we just haven’t got the $$$ and can’t afford it. The paint is peeling off most of the bottom of the shallow end as well and needs repainting(and for that we’d also have to drain the entire 9 feet of water and to refill the entire pool costs 600$!) but THAT costs $$$ we don’t have too, as well as the slabs of concrete that have either fallen off or are loose and the tiles that have fallen off and are continuing to fall off as well. It looks like a dilapidated slum, just like everything else we have; all broken, pieces missing, mismatched, used, falling apart, etc. but we can’t afford to have things fixed or to replace them(we could hardly afford to buy them in the FIRST place!), so we have no choice but to let them decay. What else can we do? Everything we have is crap, and I feel like a one-woman tornado of bad luck that jinxes everything. I have such  unbelievable and incredible bad luck at an amazing frequency and consistency it’s unreal. I am like a living “Murphy’s Law”. Everything always goes wrong for me and it just all piles up until I can’t take it anymore. I feel like I’m being punished for a crime I didn’t commit; like “bad karma” or something, I don’t know, but it drives me crazy and raging mad and I’m  fed up!

The World’s Most Hated Man.(poor guy)

This is most likely the world’s most hated man right now: Tony Hayward, head of BP(British Petroleum, that is, for those of you who don’t know) and now being relieved of his job with a sweet 18 million $ severance package(hey, I’d accept being hated for a cool 18M…people hate me NOW and I don’t have the $$$!) I feel sorry for the guy though; I think he’s just merely the “fall guy”, the one being blamed for the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Most likely as the prez of the company he had little or no knowledge of the whole extent of things; most times the bosses higher up are NOT entirely informed of things happening beneath them or at least not until the very last minute. Regardless, there is only so much you can do: at least BP DID admit the mistakes(as opposed to covering it up, denying it, or saying “Oh,well, so what…”) and accepted responsibility and they did try many things to try and stop it and clean up(and at a cost of like 1/2 BILLION$ a WEEK at that) and then eventually found a solution that worked, but at least they tried and that’s all you can do.Accidents HAPPEN. I think they are being unfairly attacked and he’s just the fall guy;accidents happen and society always wants somebody has to be blamed for it and as the head of BP, it happened to be him, but I’m sure it kept him up nights, fretting, stressing and worrying.I seriously doubt he was lounging on his yacht drinking margaritas without a care in the world. BP is re-imbursing fishermen and others affected by the disaster as well( and I know this for a fact as my son is processing insurance forms for BP for his summer job!) I think the Union Carbide leak in India years ago was even worse, but because it happened over there and ISN’T affecting USA, no one cares, and this one affects animals more than people, so all the animal-freaks and enviro-nazis get all up in arms about it. I personally care more about the HUMAN cost and affect on people than the animals, and I think the tragedy in India was far worse. Tony Hayward likely is the most hated man right now,that is, until something else happens to take the spotlight off him and turn people’s wrath onto someone new.(maybe the Mel Gibson scandal now?) All things must pass and people are fickle and go any way the wind blows.

The Elite Club.

I have suffered from depression for so long now when I think of other people that are happy and that actually LIKE themselves and their lives it feels like they are all members of an elite exclusive club that I’m not invited to.It’s been so long that I can’t even really remember what it feels like to BE happy(I’ve had happy moments but it’s not the same thing) and my life is filled with constant fear, worry, anxiety and stress, it feels like I’m falling apart and having a breakdown. I have toxic people in my life, “stains” that I just can’t get rid of, what seems to be a curse of bad luck, extreme traumas and hardships,misfortune, bad things always happening to me, I’ve been bullied and victimized, have no self-esteem, and even now have no support and feel so immensely alone and intense despair. I even feel like a stranger in my own family; always on the outside looking in.It’s like the rest of the world got a memo that I missed out on, or that I lack a “happiness gene” and am one of those people who just can’t, and isn’t meant, to be , happy. It eludes me and is always beyond my reach.Combine that all with extreme Social Phobia and a myriad of other medical problems and emotional damage and it is a recipe for disaster, for retreating from the world, from everything and everyone, withdrawing even more into myself; crawling inside myself ,just wanting to disappear, to be someone else, anyone else,and to “trade” my life. I feel it all building up to a breaking point, like I am self-destructing and don’t know how much longer I can go on. My world is a very dark place.Everything is grey and flat and one dimensional.I get so overwhelmed with anxiety and worry(no wonder I have high BP!) it keeps me up nights,manifests itself in physical ailments,and  I tremble,and have this hollow, raw, sick, twisting feeling in my stomach,always on edge and nervous, fearful,and panicky. It’s like I’m always waiting for the “other shoe” to fall; knowing it’s around the corner, lurking, just waiting to hit. Once the worst has already happened you know how easily it can happen again.For once, I wish I had a membership to that elite club. I wish I knew what “normal” felt like; I wish I could be happy and feel safe again.

Let’s go to the Ex!

Next month we go to the CNE(The “Ex”). It gives me mixed emotions: nostalgic memories as a kid; I’d go 6 or so times each summer(when I lived there; just hop on a streetcar and go!) but now we live far away and it takes hours to drive there, so we only go once. I remember going as a kid; the Food Building, the rides, the midway,the crafts and unique items in the buildings, the candy and caramel apples and candy floss. I remember the one year my cousin and I bought these funny “invisible dogs” on a leash and how his dad(my uncle) got SO mad at him for wasting his $$$(but we thought were hilarious and I still laugh when I think about it!),and when we went on this twirling ride it turned the same direction and he’d end up squishing me, and he had a cast.My all-time fave. ride is the Zipper!The sad part of it is it always signals the end of summer. I remember the bright lights and fireworks at night, and the horse building that smelled so bad you had to plug your nose and hold your breath when you went in. How the boring Hockey Hall of Fame is the one and only building I never go in to.Now as an adult my hubby takes the kids to go on the rides(I can’t stand in long lines like that, esp. in the sun; I pass out) while I browse the vendors/buildings and we meet up for lunch and split up again until we meet for dinner.We stay for a good 12 hours and so much walking my feet,legs and back are aching and throbbing so much at the end of the day I can hardly move. During the long drive home at night the kids usually fall asleep.When I was a kid the “carnies” were creepy, greasy drunken guys but now they are presentable; usually university or high school kids.I have fond memories of the Ex and it’s still the highlight of my summer,and for my kids now,too.

Conrad Black is back.

Media mogul Conrad Black has been released from jail on bail, awaiting his appeal. He served 2 years for fraud( a businessman committing fraud? Gee, who’d think, ha ha.) I always thought he was no worse than any others; they just chose to make an “example” out of him because he’s high profile, very rich, influential and controversial. Personally, I sort of like the guy.He’s refined and cultured and doesn’t let people push him around. I admire his class,elegance,and determination. They say in jail he was a model prisoner, very polite and respectful. I also admire how he put the gov’t of this country in it’s place(no, he doesn’t like it here,either; I’m not the only one!) as the UK decided to award him the honour of being inducted into The House of Lords(British nobility) and the gov’t here wouldn’t allow it( why, I don’t know; what another nation chooses to do, and award people with, is no business of theirs!) so he decided to renounce his Canadian citizenship and went ahead with it regardless,thumbing his nose at the gov’t and this country(and got backlash for it!) People can have dual citizenships, so what’s the problem? Just the gov’t being Big Brother and oppressive and dictatorial. I am glad he did what he did. Good for him. I agree it sucks here,too,and I’m glad he stood up to them and their ridiculousness and it’s time that someone high profile,rich and powerful did. The gov’t is always coming down on the “little” people and stomping on us, but this time they took on someone who had the “balls” and the financial means and the influence to put them in their place and make it be known. Way to go!! They “shit” on the wrong guy and I applaud him!

Miss Sieka.

Sieka got her first experience with the grooming clippers(I want her to get used to them early, and it’s also very hot and shorter hair cools her down) and let’s just say she didn’t like it and didn’t just quietly lay there and let me shave her like Wilson does. She squirmed and wiggled and I had to get her in a head-lock, but as time went on she relaxed a bit and it got easier,and it will the more she gets it.She’s still whimpering put in the crate at night before bed although usually it only lasts a few days and it’s been 2 weeks. Shit.Wilson has also been very fierce and aggressive  lately(nothing to do with her, he has been for months) snarling, growling,and biting us, so what we do is flip him over onto his back and hold him down until he submits to our dominance(it’s a dog thing).. He’s very stubborn and defiant but eventually gives in, until he skulks off, humiliated and defeated, but behaving like that is NOT acceptable and we will continue to do it until he finally learns and modifies his bad behaviour.My mom says maybe we should just get rid of him and keep her but the kids say at least wait until they have puppies later and then we can keep a pup and get rid of him then.

Goodnight James.

I love James Dean. Every year I get a James Dean calender. This year I tried to order the family’s yearly calenders online(as they don’t have them here, just in shops in the cities) but it ended up over 200$ USD PLUS 50$ shipping, which is outrageous, so I cancelled the entire thing. I tried from their Canadian site but of course it was down and I couldn’t order. It figures, doesn’t it? Looks like we’ll just be S.O.L this year! I have always thought James Dean is a hunk; incredibely handsome and manly, very attractive and looks a lot like a guy I used to like years ago, but people like that have always been out of my league and beyond my reach and are nothing more than wishful fantasies.James is also from,and to me represents, the 1950’s, a time when people had strong values, families and faith, not immoral,violent, and godless like today. A time when I would have liked to have lived. Every night before I turn off my light and go to bed for the night I gaze up at James’ face up on the calender on my wall, blow him a kiss,and whisper,”Good night, James!” Looks like I’ll only be able to do that for the next 5 months, no more James Dean calenders. 😦

Oh, Canada!

I live in Canada but I have never liked it and have always wanted to be from, and live, somewhere else. My mother and hubby hassle and criticize me over this(as if I don’t have the “right” to NOT like it) and sneer than why don’t I move, and I wish I COULD, I just can’t afford to. I don’t like the too liberal(legalizing many types of sin) but at the same time Big Brother Nanny-State gov’t, intrusive and invasive policies,encouraging immorality in the schools,the fact that it sucks here and we never get any of the good products,and is known as a nation of beer-swilling hockey-loving losers that say “eh?” like a bunch of dumb low-class Newfies..(as a note I can’t stand hockey OR beer!)The harsh cold winters aren’t so nice,either and it’s a very boring place with no history or culture.I have been to many places and I know what else is out there and what they are like in comparison. I have been to 25 countries so far and yet my know-it-all critical hubby has only been to USA(and I’ve lived in USA). I think I am more “qualified” than him in this area!Not everyone is patriotic and I disagree as well with the war in Afghanistan; over there killing innocent civilians when Afghanistan has never been a threat to us.I am against war and living in a very pro-military town is very hard for me as well; I don’t fit in. I simply like other countries and cultures  better,prefer them, and want to live elsewhere. WHY is that such a “crime?”People are unhappy in one country and immigrate all the time!; it’s not unusual!I think I’m also maybe just one of those people that can’t be, and is not meant to be, happy. I think I must lack a “happiness gene” or something.Happiness is a basic human need but always seems to be out of my reach. I’ve never been like other people; always different and can never relate to the “normal” experience. I have had happy moments, but it’s not the same thing as actually BEING happy,and sadly, I can’t even really remember what it’s like to BE happy, and then, of course, my mother and hubby criticize me for THAT,too, so I just can’t “win” either way, so that leaves me here, in a place I don’t like but don’t have money to leave, unhappy,and with no validation or support. “Thanks” a lot, guys.

Sieka Hadley Shih Tzu.

Sieka is doing well well at her new home here with us. When I lay on my stomach to tan she walks on my back, nibbles my ear,nuzzles my neck and licks my face. Every time she sees me she runs over to me, tail wagging merrily, in a big happy greeting! She and Wilson steal eachother’s food as well and he even lets her take toys off him, and he already tries to hump her(he’s a big pervert!) but she runs away  and scampers off and hides under the toolshed! She’s just a baby! He has to wait another year for that! We might have one litter later in the future, once she’s at least a year old. They love to playfight and wrestle as well and she’ll roll over onto her back in submission to his dominance. They run and chase eachother, barking joyfully,romping on the grass. She still “holds” it overnight in her crate and goes outside in the morning.She loves the wind and puts her nose up in the air, sniffing it, having it hit her face and blow across her fur, facing upwards towards the sky. It’s so cute!She’s bigger already and we’ve had her over a week but it seems longer. She still whimpers put in bed for the night, but not for too long,and I’m glad with our decision to get a second dog. They have so much fun, enjoy the company, and we have fun watching them. I love my dogs! ♥♥