Don’t do as I say OR as I do!

I am raising my kids the exact opposite as my mother raised me.She sadly neglected my religious upbringing and had no religious or moral standards. She farmed me off to daycare(from age 6 weeks!),babysitters, camp and public school. She had an “anything goes” laissez attitude with no moral or godly foundation. She wasn’t strict enough, didn’t supervise me, left me alone,raised me alone and with no siblings,was too indulgent, I had no chores,was spoiled materially(but not with love or attention)and has never been supportive of me, only condescending, hurtful, nasty and critical, even now as an adult! I, on the other hand, am home with my kids, they have never been to a daycare or public school, we homeschool, and the only babysitters they’ve ever had are family, and even this very rarely.My kids are being raised with a strong religious and moral foundation with a clear sense of right and wrong,distinguishing moral and immoral.They are taught to stand up for what they believe in and that God’s truth IS absolute and to NOT follow the crowd or become worldly. They have disciplined and strict rules and chores they are expected , and don’t get everything they want; they have to save up for it or do extra work around the house in exchange. I monitor their friends( and weed out bad influences), they have a father and many siblings. I can clearly remember the time a friend of my mom’s I asked her if she was married and when she said “no” I asked “Do you have any kids?” and she replied in horror,”I just said I wasn’t married!” and I said “Well, you don’t have to be, you know!”and she was rightly shocked; but of course you SHOULD be, and what kind of thing is that to teach a child? As a parent you should be telling them the right and moral things,teaching and setting a GOOD example!She also says people can do and believe what they want(despite God’s laws that apply to everyone that state otherwise!)and condones and excuses sin, and she even LET me try smoking as a kid(normally a parent would forbid it!), and didn’t know or care who my friends were, and we never even went to church, she was always working and I hardly saw her, and when I did(2 weeks during summer) she just always bought me things,everything I wanted, but never spent any time with me.It’s like she “bought” me.I was left either with abusive babysitters or on my own.I was lonely and always felt rejected,unwanted, and unloved. I was even followed home from school once by some creep I luckily managed to evade. I went many places across the city alone from a very young age. My safety was at risk and there just never seemed to be much concern. She has always had a habit of saying hurtful things to me, such as she “thought more of me when I was thin than when I was fat” and telling me she loves(insert name here) more than she loves me”,and that I’m “just jealous that she loves(insert name here) and NOT me!” etc. I mean, what sort of mother SAYS things like that to her own child? In spite of it all, I basically raised myself and always had a strong love of God and longing for worship,a strong moral compass and standards, was morally clean(except for the time I tried smoking) avoided sin, and never got into trouble.I swore I’d be nothing like her and never raise my kids the way I was raised. To me, it was a lesson in how NOT to raise a child and I have done the complete opposite.In fact, I would rather kill myself than to ever be like her.I never learned affection or how to love. I grew up with a mother who probably shouldn’t have ever even had a child.Someone too selfish, hateful, spiteful, vengeful, hurtful,critical, and unloving.She acts so phony and sickeningly sweet and nice around strangers(or even other family members, such as at a reunion) but it makes me sick because I know what she’s really like, and what it was like growing up with a mother like that.I DON’T do as she says OR as she does; I raise my family opposite to how she raised me,and now you know why.Even as an adult she she’s sabotaging my life by over-ruling and undermining me with my own family.She has always been a toxic, suppressive person, who is harmful to my emotional well-being.She hasn’t changed but luckily I have chosen to NOT repeat the “pattern.”