I get more James for another year!

Success! I have finally found a James Dean calender for 2011! I was worried I wouldn’t be able to, as I’d tried to order them earlier on an American site but it would have cost over 200$ for my order; incl. 50$ for shipping so I said forget it, and went to the Canadian site but it had been down for 1-2 months but is finally back up! Of course it doesn’t have the selection the American one does(it figures, everything here sucks and we never get any of the good stuff) so I could only find 7 out of the 11 calenders we order, but I did get the James Dean so I still safely  have another year of swooning!

I was also disappointed and saddened that on the entire site, of the hundreds of calenders they had, that they didn’t even have ONE SINGLE Jesus calender! To make it even worse(to add insult to injury) they DID have  pagan ones, Wiccan ones, Harry Potter ones, tree-hugging ones, ones on casting spells, etc. you get the idea; they DID have the OCCULT,pagan and New-Age, but NOTHING for God, for Christians, for JESUS! My hubby shrugged they carry what sells and there’s a lot more worldly, ungodly and occult people in the world than righteous ones; hardly anyone would buy a Jesus one so they don’t sell them. Still a sad thought and now I have to find out where I CAN find one, perhaps a Christian bookstore, maybe? They used to have them, usually 6 or so different versions but this year NOT EVEN ONE! I am greatly dismayed.

Behaviour Modification.

We are slowly seeing some improvement and success in Wilson’s behaviour modification/re-training for his aggression and dominance. I have checked online for various tips on how to stop dog’s growling and biting, and have applied it to Wilson’s training; we always make sure we go ahead of him going in or out the door,up and down the stairs, greet and feed Sieka first, before him,showing he is NOT dominant to anyone,humbling him, and shun and ignore him while he’s still being fierce; pretending he’s invisible and doesn’t exist; no negative attention, but only positive re-enforcement.When he DOES snarl, growl or bite we submit him by holding him on his back until he surrenders to our dominance. He has shown signs of deferring to our authority such as NOT growling anymore when we walk by or near him(like he used to) but merely walking out of OUR way. He’ll often still try to sneak in and run ahead past us(or growl when we go ahead of him)and then we prevent him by nudging him behind with our foot.It takes time, but seems to be having some effect.We are slowly seeing positive change.

As well, nosey-parkers animal police were on our street snooping around, going from door to door to hear dogs barking, peeking in yards trying to spot dogs,, looking in recycling boxes for signs of dog food cans, and peering in windows looking for nose prints, etc.trying to find unlicensed dogs, so we quickly brought the dogs indoors and hid all the food dishes and toys,etc. and covered up the doghouse with towels. So far so good, they never caught us; we refuse to pay for a license on principle; why pay when you don’t even get any services FOR it? It’s just another way for the greedy,thieving, money-grubbing gov’t to extort money off us.It’s none of the Nanny-State Big Brother’s business whether we have dogs or not,we shouldn’t need THEIR “permission”, and the whole dog license thing is ridiculous and we refuse to be badgered in to it! They can take their bylaws and shove it you-know-where!

No glasses!

Our 9 YR old had her eye exam and she passed! She is on the “threshold” of needing glasses, but they don’t do them this “fine” and it wouldn’t make any difference. The eye doc said she will soon, like in another 1-2 YRS and has a slight astigmatism. We are sooo surprised as she seems so “blind”; not able to see things at a distance and has trouble distinguishing between certain letters and numbers, but it’s good news nevertheless!  I guess you need to be virtually blind as a bat before needing glasses then?I was, being the inborn worrywart that I am(and being “conditioned” by my life and past misfortunes to always expect the worst), worried maybe it was something worse, more serious, like an eye tumour or degenerative eye disease or something and that she’d go blind or need surgery, etc. my hubby scoffed that 99.9% of the time it’s minor, it’s nothing, and just need glasses,but I reminded him that,although generally true, that WE are usually that rare unlucky .1%. Luckily though this time we were not and I so relieved!

As well, our son takes the train back to the city later today, to find an apt. before the school year starts and he’s excited to be leaving this hick-ass “Bumble-fuck” town and griped he hates the country,and in the city he “wouldn’t get dirt, shit,and gasoline” all over him like he does here. We had a nice visit and it was nice seeing him,and I’ll miss him and likely not see again until Christmas.

Jesus Freak!

My mother has accused me of being “obsessed” with God, my religion,Church, God’s moral laws,etc. you get the idea. At least I HAVE standards and morals, I stand for something and believe in something, unlike her, who has NO moral standards and thinks “anything goes”, who excuses, condones, tolerates and tries to “justify” sin. She says things like “that’s just what YOU believe!”(actually, it’s not just what *I* believe, but what GOD SAYS; I just happen to follow it!)) or “that’s what they believe”,”YOU can’t tell other people what to do”, “if that’s who they are then it’s ok”, etc. She fails to realize God’s Truth is absolute and He doesn’t have “exceptions”. She sneered “God loves EVERYONE!” which, of course, He does,(and I never said He didn’t) but as a loving parent He also disciplines and punishes and won’t put up with bad behaviour(=sin). It is precisely *because* He loves us we are commanded and obligated to meet His requirements and are accountable and will suffer the consequences if not. It’s NOT a free-for-all, do whatever you want/whatever feels good thing. His standards and laws apply to everybody, whether they choose to see(and obey) them or not.We, as His people, are also obligated to NOT tolerate what He does not, and to avoid sin, those who sin, and to inform them.

As well, I have had a few people try to leave comments on my blog(I have decided to not publish) criticizing me of being judgemental, stuck-up, a moral snob, etc. and all I have to say about that is this is MY blog, about my thoughts, opinions,feelings, perspective; how I see to and relate to what is going on in my life; this is my safe place, my domain, and I will not be insulted or criticized here. I get enough of that out in the world for not fitting in, for being different, opinionated, having morals and standards,being religious, and for standing up for God and not going along with the world. Here is my forum of self-expression, to purge myself , a way of getting things off my chest, and so on. If you don’t like it, then you are free to leave. No one is forcing you to stay here if you don’t like me, my beliefs,what I have to say, my opinions, or what I write. You are free to have your opinions and to disagree, but here I am free to speak my mind, to gripe and complain and to not have to worry about what other people think, so just take it somewhere else.This is my outlet! I will not “censor” myself on my own blog. I recently had a so-called “friend” tell me my “attitude doesn’t help” and I blasted her with a scathing reply that she has NO idea what my life is like and everything I go thru and if SHE had to put up with what I do every day, day in and day out, SHE’D complain,TOO! I am so sick and tired of  not being validated,being blamed for how I feel, for being told I shouldn’t, or don’t have the “right” to be upset, depressed, to complain or get mad, etc.I also added sarcastically, “‘Thanks’ for your ‘support!'”My thoughts and feelings ARE valid and if people don’t like it, then they don’t have to read it.I will not apologize  for it.

What an incredibly shitty day I had!

You just wouldn’t believe the shitty day I had. From the moment I woke up everything went wrong. I can’t even have things work out first thing in the morning.This was a day I should have just gone back to bed!!A severe overnight storm killed one of my hanging plants(and not the one that’s almost already dead but the other one that was ok; figures.)and our electricity was down. Then my piece-of-shit computer had a virus and someone was trying to hack into my Facebook account and I was locked out of it.I also woke up with a massive headache,and then the losers next-door were loudly screaming and fighting outside for the whole neighbourhood to hear(which didn’t help my headache) and my leg hurts so much(I think may be a blood clot)I wince and can hardly walk.Sometimes I just think that the universe is out to “get” me. Everything always seems to work against me all the time and goes wrong.I never get a break.I think I have been cursed with bad luck.I am a cosmic joke.

On top of that, a family member is staying with us and as always as soon as they came they “waltzed” in and took over like they “own” the place; kicking one of the kids out of their bed(she had to sleep on the floor) but then I guess her bed wasn’t “good” enough for them(too “hard?”) as my mother ended up giving them her bed,and they monopolize the recliner chair, and every day at 19:00 my mother comes outside and sits with me and talks(the only time she ever even bothers to spend with me!) but now they’re here it(and I) just get tossed aside; she decided to spend time with THEM instead.This person has ALWAYS come first, no matter what, and everything has always been about them. This person will likely never even read this as I never even told them I HAVE a blog, but it needs to be said and I need to get it off my chest.This cycle always repeats itself; it’s like a stain I just can’t get rid of.For me it is like a dark cloud over our house during the duration of the visit; like having royalty staying with you and everything and everyone is entranced, life stops,and everyone’s  disrupted for them;fawning all over and catering to them; they  just got here and already everything revolves around them! Our family dynamic is out of whack and this person has such a sense of entitlement and it just rubs me the wrong way to no end!

Loser-free Zone!

I am absolutely FURIOUS that my hubby said he’s taking our oldest son to see violent, low-class, white-trash and inappropriate UFC at a skanky BAR! Even though he’s 20 it’s still no place for a Christian or anyone of any morals and I’m outraged!What was he thinking?He KNOWS how I feel about it, but I’m never considered and have no say.I am always over-ruled and undermined. I vehemently objected but of course it fell on deaf ears; whatever *I* say, think, or believe has no importance, weight, or merit and is automatically ignored.Me and my opinion don’t matter.I am always “out-ranked” and dismissed. I want  my kids to have class and culture and to NOT be low class losers! My hubby is always trying to get them into his white-trash background and I am always trying to stop it. There is a cultural divide between us and it is always a cause for contention and discord.I DON’T want them smoking, drinking, taking drugs, watching wrestling,anything violent, sports, NASCAR,playing pool,darts, etc. or any other low class trailer-trash  endeavor. I don’t  want them to be white trash! He thinks I’m a snob but I’d much rather be a snob than white-trash! At least I have standards and I have morals. As well, the losers next door were yelling and fighting with neighbours across the street,and the ones behind us were calling someone  a “Trailer-trash whore” when THEY’RE white trash themselves(most people in this hick town ARE, like some 95%) when they’re always out there being loud and obnoxious, smoking, smoking up, drinking beer, swearing, saying “Eh”, etc.I want BETTER for my kids. I DON’T want them corrupted, worldly, low-class,crass, vulgar, uneducated, uncultured,ill-mannered, etc. I want them to have class, culture, manners, to be educated and intelligent,and to follow God’s moral laws and not to be brought down to a low level and no standards.I don’t want them to be “low-rent individuals” but my hubby’s sabotaging me at every turn and trying to turn them into losers and I want this home a loser-free zone! I fear I am fighting a losing battle….

The last will be first….

In the Bible Jesus said that the “Last will be first and the first will be last” in the Kingdom of Heaven.This is good and welcome news to me as I have always been last in life. They last chosen at school to join a team in gym class. The last left leaning against the wall at a school dance.The last chosen as a partner to team up with in science class or for a class project. The last chosen for a job, etc. you get the idea. It has aways been a fact that I am never chosen above others and that I am always the one overlooked, passed by,passed over,ignored,left out, and who matters the least. Everything and everyone has always been more important than me, and my needs, concerns, etc. Like today, for example, my computer died yet AGAIN and I needed my hubby’s help but he was watching  a TV show and even THAT is more important than me and in helping me.He couldn’t even pause it for a minute to come help me out. He acts like I’m a spoiled indulgent brat that stomps off in a huff because I have to wait and don’t always come first, when in fact, it’s really because I’m sick of always coming LAST. (I have NEVER come first!)I am always dismissed, devalued, disregarded and have no “say”. My needs, thoughts, beliefs,opinions,worries, and concerns don’t matter and are not important. I am like a burden and insignificant annoyance that must merely be tolerated but not given any time, value, attention, importance, authority,rank, meaning, or significance,and esp. NOT before anything or anyone else.If it’s just me or something for me it can always wait and be put last on the list of things that need attending to.Least important.Least in priority. I have always been last in life but the good news is it means I will be FIRST in Heaven!

El Retardo!

My hubby just got this new toy called “Diablo”(Spanish for “Devil”) that I re-named “El Retardo”. Let me tell you why”: it’s this contraption that’s a string with 2 handles attached and has this hour-glass plastic thing that looks like part of a breast pump. He brought it out in the yard to TRY and impress us…..but wasn’t so successful. All he did with it was slide the thingy from side to side along the string and tried to toss it up into the air and catch it on the string, but it kept falling on to the grass. Yawn. Sooooo “impressive”, it was “fascinating” and I could hardly control myself, ha ha. The kids weren’t so  impressed either, except for maybe the 3 YR old who got gipped when my hubby took his turn first and the 3 YR old scolded him,”Hey! You cheater! It’s MY turn!” it was so funny! The 15 YR old said it’s a “Hillbilly Yo-Yo”, and I told my hubby that next time he has a new toy to try to show-off with it’s better if he actually practises with it first and is actually able to DO something with it before he puts on a show for us.He just ended up looking like a doofus. He was sad and said it “looked cool on the video” and blamed it’s(read:his) ineffectiveness on the grass, or on something else or other. It was rather pathetic, really, and we got bored and left.

Surprise!!

I got a REALLY big(and nice!) surprise last night! Our son came up for a visit a day EARLY; he was supposed to come later today! He took the train up, and surprised me at the Bible Camp pageant; during the Mass part he snuck up in the pew behind me and rubbed my bald head, and I turned around in surprise and saw him! I squealed in delight and gave him a hug the best I could twisted half around! People must have thought I was nuts! At first I thought it was maybe his brother(15 YR old) that he’d decided last minute to come,afterall! What a nice, and welcome, surprise! He and my hubby had known about it for days yet somehow managed to keep it a secret not only from me but from everyone! He also brought me a jar of tehina sauce(that you can’t find here in “Bumble’Fuck”) and will be staying for about a week before he returns back for the school year and has to find an apt. I am so happy to see him and missed him! He’s recovered from Strep but has lost weight and looks skinny but I have a week to fatten him up! The pageant went well, and I enjoyed it as I always do!We videotaped it and took photos.

Wil-shit

Wilson has been aggressive and growling ever since February, and he is only getting worse(not better) over time. Now he also snarls, snaps and even BITES us, he even jumps UP to bite us! He is very nasty, mean and fierce. Nothing seems to work in modifying and correcting his behaviour. My hubby blames Sieka, but we have always treated them both fair and equal; equal pats, affection and attention and treats, he hasn’t been forgotten, neglected or left out. He also likes her and gets along well with her; it’s just us he’s mean and growls at and bites and I can’t figure out why. At first I thought maybe he was lonely and it might have been pent-up sexual frustration but now he HAS a mate and he’s still just as aggressive, actually even more so.I seriously think we have to get rid of him(I mean, who wants or needs a dog that attacks them?) you don’t even have to raise your voice or anything; just approach him, pat him, pick him up,or even just walk BY him and he snarls and growls, totally unprovoked. He also growls when you let him out of his crate in the morning, when you let him outside and when you bring him inside. We hope to wait until next year until Sieka has puppies and then we can get rid of him; we’ll replace him with a puppy, so that way Sieka still has company and we still have 2 dogs,and once she has a litter we won’t need him anymore or have any need to put up with his aggression.That gives him roughly a year to smarten up or pack his bags….the kids call him “Wil-shit” now! Maybe in the meantime the best we can do is just ignore him? Just leave him alone and not bother?What else can we DO? Someone suggested neutering, but he’s a purebred, and besides, it’s mutilation, and how can we have puppies that way? He either behaves or he’s out.He’s a nasty little thing!