Misunderstood. This is the perfect word to describe me. I have never fit in, belonged and have always been an outcast and an outsider; the one on the outside looking in. I have long suspected I have Asperger’s Syndrome(as well as Social Phobia), which would explain it all. I don’t react, think, or see things like other people do. I never have.I can’t understand “social cues”, “body language”,inuendo, and don’t know what’s socially “appropriate” and often can’t tell the difference between a joke or something in poor taste. It is always getting me into trouble and causes people to hate me, but that is not what I purposely set out to do; it just always ends up that way….
I recently posted a comment on a blog meant to be helpful and I meant well, but as always it was misinterpreted the wrong way and they were mad, hate me and everyone was attacking me. It wasn’t my intention and I feel badly but it always ends up like this. I am misunderstood and people are always taking what I say the wrong way.I end up offending people even though I have good intentions and am trying to be nice; it just always backfires on me.It’s very hard trying to make an effort to reach out to people,connect and bond, form a cameraderie, to provide support, friendship, and comfort, but end up being rejected because it was taken the wrong way, further isolating me and causing me to retreat and withdraw even more into isolation. I can’t relate to, or connect with, people. I have a hard time in social situations and am ill-equipped for life.I try so hard but it’s never good enough and always ends up blowing up in my face. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother trying to reach out to people or trying to make friends, and think I shouldn’t even make an effort anymore.I WANT to have friends, I WANT people to like me, I WANT to fit in and be accepted(but I also will not do immoral things in order to attain it, either!), but it never works out that way.
Everything is a struggle for me and is hard. Nothing comes “easy”. Even my hubby has no tolerance for my limitations and even screams at me because I can’t do things right, and everything always goes wrong for me and I need help with everything because then it means HE has to do more and help me because I’m incapable. I really and truly wish I WASN’T like this; I wish I could be like other people and be able to do things without it always being a struggle and needing help with everything. I wish things could work out, go right, and come easy for me, but they never have. My life has always been a daily struggle.I can’t even do basic math,figure out how to do taxes, do banking, etc; all the normal things in life; I get overwhelmed, and flustered, and I’d never be able to function out in the world on my own, relating and interacting with other people or holding down a job. I am blessed to be home with my kids not only because it is my vocation and calling from God(and best for the kids and I get to spend time with them) but also because God knows I couldn’t make it anywhere else. Even this is hard enough and each day is a struggle for me to get thru, just to survive. Life is very hard for me.It always has been, AND I’m misunderstood.