Farewell, Mutts!

My hubby said before he left the country on his trip that when he came back(or when I’m away on my trip for 2 weeks in April) he’ll be getting rid of the dogs, being that they are such a nuisance, burden,and more trouble than they’re worth, with Wilson so aggressive and growling and biting us,and Sieka’s still chewing, eating ca-ca, stinky, dumb as hell,and now starting to jump up on the table and  bark alot, by just letting them go loose somewhere, so I placed an online ad to try and sell them and to get some of my $$$$ back, and not just throwing it all away. The ad will appear later today and it will be interesting how many interested replies I’ll get and how long it’ll take. I doubt we’ll be able to sell Wilson, I mean, who’d want to buy a vicious dog, but Sieka should be easy; a female for breeding,and she IS a kind,gentle, affectionate and loving dog and is good with kids(we’ll just have to use a whole BOTTLE of shampoo and spray her with Febreeze before people come look at her so she won’t smell!) and we don’t want people knowing where we live(as there’s alot of weird people out there!) so we’ll just meet them in a public area, like a park, and bring Sieka, but will likely have to drop off Wilson at a farm or somewhere where he will be found; I don’t think we can sell a nasty beast like that…

Praying For Libya.

It is horrible to see on the news the carnage,bloodshed and massacre in Libya as the people protest,demonstrate and fight in the streets for their freedom and political reform, for dictator Khadafi to step down,and how the oppressive regime is killing them in the streets, even shooting them from the air,and many Libyan officials have resigned in protest of the gov’t violent retaliation, incl. fighter pilots who defected to Malta, refusing to kill their own people, and diplomats and other gov’t officials, and the Arab League has booted out Libya with the UN also considering a similar move in protest.Khadafi swears he will stay and die a martyr, and I’m sure someone will “oblige” him and assassinate him, perhaps even the CIA will send over someone, esp. since USA HAS sold weapons to Libya and now they can likely swoop in and take over and steal their oil, like they did in Iraq…this can be their next chance to send in their troops and wage war and take over another nation and steal their resources, esp. with an unstable gov’t!It really wouldn’t surprise me!!

When the revolution began in Egypt(which  was peacefully left alone by the gov’t for the most part and succeeded in reform and Mubarak’s resignation) it quickly spread throughout the Middle East, to Yemen, Jordan,Bahrain,Tunisia,and now Libya. In Bahrain and Libya the gov’t has clamped down violently, with the other nations left alone in their fight for reform. I can see the entire Arab world soon in a similar situation. Please pray for Libya and the others; for the people’s lives, safety, and freedom, that they be freed from tyranny, oppression, high unemployment, rising  food and tuition cost increases, and improved standards of living, wages and democracy.

In other news, please also pray for the people of New Zealand following a massive earthquake, and an update on the baby I’d posted about earlier, where the hospital got a court-order to remove his life-support despite objections from his parents; at first there seemed to be hope; it didn’t go ahead as planned and the parents were trying to get him transferred to a hospital out of the country,to USA, where they would try to keep him alive rather than kill him….but now the latest reports state that the parents and now BANNED from entering his hospital room(and from taking videos they hoped to show people as proof  what his condition is really like and why he shouldn’t be killed); security guards have been posted outside his door to keep them out, and the hospital is trying to stop the baby form being transferred; they are so eager to murder this poor baby.This is Big Brother state intrusion at it’s worst!! Please pray for him, his life to be spared,and his family. It’s horrible how they can do this, likely euthanasia will be soon legalized and they can kill anyone off they deem a “drain” on the system, too old, too sick, disabled, etc. parents have no legal rights anymore either, not even to protect their children.We are truly in the Culture of Death and in the Last Days.

Don’t Eat The Meat!

I recently read in the news about a near epidemic of viruses infecting meat-producing animals in Asia, mainly cows and pigs, posing a health threat to humans. These diseases are transmitted to humans thru consumption of the meat. Swine Flu and Avian flu  is also similarly spread this way. It made me think “I’m glad I don’t eat meat!” and when I’d recently mentioned this, it was taken the wrong way and someone thought I was being selfish, lucky that I am not in danger, but not caring about those that are, but that’s not what I meant; of course I am concerned for them; I merely meant I am convinced I made the right choice in becoming vegetarian, and that due to it it also lowers my health risk. Between this and genetically altered and modified foods, and growth hormones injected into the meat, and the diseases, worms and other various bacteria and sickness you can get from eating meat, I think I made the right decision, not to mention my cholestral is likely next to nothing now,and that I lost 20 pounds since giving up meat.Surprisingly enough I don’t even miss it,and in fact, when I accidently ingested it(it was in a sauce) I had an aversion to it and spat it out! I was surprised how easily I adjusted, and it’s been 8 months so far!

The Great Wall Of America.

Today hubby’s flight leaves for his 1 week business trip to USA. I wonder which paranoid over-the-top invasive airport security screening he will be subjected to; the naked body scan or the strip search? It also reminds me of why I no longer fly to, or even connect thru, USA anymore but bypass them completely and take alternate routes now.As well as that, I heard on the news that soon USA will also impose an “entry fee” on travellers arriving by air or sea(we already require passports which we never used to before all this 9/11 crap),and will also soon require visas for Canadians, which I think will drastically damage the relationship as allies between the 2 countries and will damage their tourism industry as people will refuse to be subject to such ridiculous and invasive  measures. It reminds me of the Great Wall of China’ designed to keep outsiders out. This will be USA’s “Great Wall’; keeping foreigners/travellers/tourists/visitors out; isolating themselves from the rest of the world; building a fortress around themselves to keep people out. They are so paranoid and ridiculous about the terrorism threat,but they haven’t figured out yet how to stop attacks by their OWN home-grown citizens( not all terrorists are foreigners) such as the Unibomber, the Oklahoma City bomber,and the Columbine school shooters.They are only ruining it for themselves, for their allies and relationships with other countries and in the eyes of the rest of the world and at the same time will still never eliminate the terrorist threat.. They are just off-putting and turning people off as well as away. No wonder other countries hate them and laugh at them behind their backs.They are absolutely insane and over-doing it.A friend asked me why I’m not going on the trip with my hubby but I have no desire to; USA sucks and I don’t want to go there ever again and don’t feel like I’m missing out. I’m not “jealous” and have no desire to go to a redneck place like Oklahoma anyway!

Shattered Heart.

My heart is shattered.My family continues to hate, ridicule, bully, blame, over-rule and undermine me. My hubby said when I’m away on the trip he’s getting rid of the dogs when I had hoped for puppies. That is just underhanded. The 16 YR old also kept insulting, provoking, goading and heckling me(he jeers I’m a failure and should go kill myself,and I’m illogical, unintelligent, have a small brain,etc.)and pushed me too far and I lashed out in anger.Even talking things out makes no difference; my mother and hubby proceeded to then blame me(they were no “help”) and say I’M the problem, I “over-react”, I “have to change”(how CAN I change Asperger’s and being victimized?) etc. when I’m tired of being disregarded, devalued, dismissed,victimized, and mistreated.I can’t live like this anymore and have had enough. I am so fragile, broken and beaten down. There’s nothing left for me anymore.

I hate my life. I hate myself. I hate living like this. I hate being fat and ugly.I hate being dumb.I hate it everything’s always so hard for me. I hate being limited by medical, social and emotional  issues.I hate being hated and bullied and blamed by my own family. I hate having no “say”, no voice and no authority. I hate always coming last and being the least important. I hate it that my needs, thoughts, and concerns are devalued and ignored as unimportant and don’t matter. I hate having no love or support and feeling so alone. I hate being trapped with nowhere to go. I hate feeling so hopeless that things will never change. I hate that I can’t even discuss it as they still always blame me.I hate it no one’s ever on my side.I hate it I want to leave but have no $$$ and nowhere to go.I hate it I am always ostracized. I hate it neither of my parents loved me.I hate it happiness eludes me.I hate it I’m different and have never been like other people.I hate it that I was bullied in school and the scars still remain. I hate it that everything’s always so hard for me and each day is a struggle just to survive. I hate it nothing works out for me and everything always goes wrong. I hate it I’m cursed with bad luck and misfortune. I hate it I am having a spiritual struggle and a crisis of faith. I hate it I am always “last” in life and missed out on so much. I hate being a scapegoat and victim in life. I hate feeling helpless and trapped. I hate it I’m a failure in life.I hate being in an unhappy loveless marriage.I hate it happiness eludes me. I hate crying myself to sleep at night. I hate begging for God to take my life but He never does.

My mother also said she wants to take someone else on our upcoming Caribbean trip and NOT me, even though *I’M* the one who paid 7500$ out of the 10 000$ cost. She also says I “pick on” the kids for disciplining them and teaching them to be godly,and that her meddling is her “opinion” and I overheard her and the 13 YR old meanly talking about me behind my back and it felt like a knife in my heart..If I really AM such an awful, horrible person like they say and seem to think I am then I DON’T want to be like that or live like that anyway.I am sick and tired of being shit on and blamed.With me gone they would be happy and better off. We’d all get what we want and be happy; I’d finally be free of this crap and they’d be rid of me.The only thing is, if I leave who would they have to pick on, kick down and blame for everything?They’d have to find a new “punching bag.”I don’t even care about anything anymore.My heart is shattered beyond repair.Why do I even bother?

The Pink Cup.

I still remember the pink cup. It was a light pink plastic Tupperware cup. I was 4 and 5 years old. My mom and I lived with my aunt, uncle,and cousins for those 2 years and they had 4 plastic Tupperware cups: pink, yellow, blue,and green. My fave. was the pink and because it was  my aunt would purposely keep it from me. She was nasty and mean and had something against me.She knew I  liked it and would purposely not let me have it. If I had it on my place setting on the table she would move it and give it to someone else just to be mean. I would put it  back and she would remove it again.She was always bossing and bullying me and making me a slave.I felt like Cinderella. When my mother was sick with pneumonia and I thought she was dying she wouldn’t even let me go up to her room to see her so when she’d leave for work I’d run up and see her. My aunt was even still  mean to me as a teen when we visited her.I still remember my fave. pink cup, all these years later and how much I loved it.It symbolizes how I have always been mistreated and purposely treated like crap, and longings that will never happen for me.It is the story of my life.I have always wanted things I can not have. I have always loved guys who never loved me back. I have always wanted to find happiness and love that always eluded me.I wanted a family to love, support, cherish and comfort me. Even my family bullies me.I have been so beaten down by life, rejection,and ridicule that I have nothing left anymore. I am destroyed and a mere hollow empty shell.It has taken everything from me and out of me. I think my purpose in life is to be shit on. I honestly do. I am always denied, refused, rejected, bullied, blamed,hated,mistreated and ostracized.I have never been like other people. I have many emotional,medical, and social limits that hold me back.The pink cup was only the beginning of years of neglect, cruel treatment,abuse,longing,and symbolic of a beaten down life, a life where I now no longer even have desires as there’s no point in wanting things(or a life) that are always out of my reach and hopeless.I no longer have the cravings, desires, hopes and dreams I once did as I know they are unattainable, so why torture myself? I have given up hope of ever being happy and of ever having the life I hoped for and want. I no longer even try to think of what I lack and how limited I am in life and how much I missed out on in life. What’s the point? I couldn’t have the pink cup then….and I can’t now,and I never will.

Held Hostage!

This is outrageous! I heard on the news a British man was unable to return home from a visit in Canada as he was put on the USA’s “no-fly” list, even though there was no reason for him to be on(just likely because he is a white Muslim convert) and the flight wasn’t even connecting in USA or even flying over it; their excuse: in case of emergency landing they may have to land there! How lame is that?This poor man was stuck here, unable to leave and no airline would accept him due to his “flagged” passport.(What I wonder though is how he arrive here then in the first place?) His only options were to either wait until his visitor’s visa had expired and they’d deport him or he could take a ship, at a huge expense. How ridiculous is that? Both this country and USA suck; this country for giving private info on it’s citizens to USA, a foreign gov’t, in the first place,and USA for their paranoid over-the-the-top intrusive security! He said he was fed up and didn’t WANT to be held hostage here and who could blame him? Once his plight hit the media then finally the British consulate managed to get him on a flight back home. I hate it here and wish *I* could be deported! Both Canada and USA suck! File this under “dumb story of the day.” How utterly stupid! I couldn’t believe it! No wonder Canada and USA are allies; they both suck!!