The Factory Has Now Shut Down.

The factory has shut down. The shop is closed. It is the end of an era. After 11 kids and now being 44 years old my “womb for rent” is out of business. I am done having kids. I do miss it, and spent many years of my life prego, breastfeeding, having and raising kids and now it feels weird with no more babies. Our youngest is now 4 years old and after my high BP(175/150) and  the liver problem I developed with him(and he had to be induced at 37 weeks to prevent stillbirth) it has a 90% chance of recurring, only earlier in the pregnancy(it started at 35 weeks last time) and the outcome for the baby may not be so lucky next time. My age and high risks also put me at increased chance of having a Down Syndrome baby. All things considered, plus my 4 year old is an unholy terror and honestly I can’t take another one like that(God sure knew what He was doing when He saved him for my last!)and am just not “up” for the demands of a new baby anymore; the exhaustion of nursing and overnight feedings, it’s best that it’s over now, even though I do feel a sad loss that it’s really over I have come to accept it.

I follow a blog where a woman lost a baby at 23 weeks and is now losing another one at 17 weeks. This is heartbreaking and a good reminder to me why it’s best I’m done having kids; I also no longer have the intense risk, stress, fear and worry anymore now either that goes along with it. I no longer have to fear miscarriages(I have had 6 of them), losing babies, defects, complications, SIDS, etc.In this way it’s a relief, even though I still do miss it. I also know it’s better this way. We still don’t believe in or use birth control but I know it’s over now, esp. since it took 3 years to even GET prego with the last one, so, all things considering  I think it’s safe to say we are done now.

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