Music From The 70’s And 80’s.

 My fave. decade was the 70’s. It was when I was a kid and 10 years of my life I was actually happy.I still like to listen to Disco and other 70’s music reminding me of that time. I also enjoy 80’s music and when I think back to my childhood(70’s) and teen(80’s) years here are the songs I most associate with it:

70’s:

Driver’s Seat

Baker Street

Disco Inferno

Grease

Stayin’ Alive

The Goodbye Girl

Lonely Boy

Hot Child In The City

Dreamboat Annie

YMCA

Miss You

Time In A Bottle

The Year Of The Cat

That’s The Way I Like It

Brick House

Two Out Of Three Aint Bad

Renegade

Dream On

Le Freak

Baracuda

Walk This Way

…and of course, anything by ABBA, Bee Gees, The Village People, anything Disco, KC and The Sunshine Band, Elton John,Fleetwood Mac, Meatloaf, Heart, Supertramp, KISS,Donna Summer, Rod Stewart,ELO etc.

80’s:

Eyes Without A Face(my fave. all-time song ever!)

The Warrior

Private Dancer

Missing You

Jesse’s Girl

Fantasy

Sausalito Summernight

Coming Up

Physical

Two Tribes

Flashdance

Melt With You

Pretty In Pink

Emotional Rescue

It’s Still Rock And Roll To Me

I Love Rock And Roll

Africa

Heat Of The Moment

Heart Of Glass

Electric Avenue

….and anything by The Commodores, Cyndi Lauper, The Culture Club, Duran Duran, Prince, AC/DC, Supertramp, Bryan Adams,REO Speedwagon etc.

Of course these are just but a small sample, but you get the idea! 🙂

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Breaking Free.

 I want to break free.Break free from my life,from myself, and from my family. I want out. Sometimes I want to stop being “good” and just be happy. My life as it is now stifles and prohibits me; I have too many adversaries, challenges, limits,obligations, restrictions,failures,and hassles but I want out. Now. I want to start over; a new life, a new beginning, a fresh start.I seek oblivion from the world.

My kids have been turned against me by my controlling, meddling,and over-bearing mother. Her excuse(as everything’s always MY fault, never hers) is “They don’t like you because you’re a bitch!” The kids now even go “tell” on me to her as well when I say or do something they don’t like and go “above” me to her as well. The other day when I told off the 13 YR old for being mouthy she smirked to him(for my benefit, knowing I could hear)”You KNOW you can’t express an opinion!” He is not a “nice” person” either and everything that comes out of his mouth is mouthy, mean, insulting,and sarcastic and he sneers,”That’s how I AM!” and I told him,”Then change how you are, because I don’t like it!”

He’s always getting away with it too(only I punish him) and both my mother and hubby see nothing wrong with how he(and the 16 YR old,too, who laughed at me,”YOU of ALL people can’t call anyone stupid!”) treats me and lets him mouth-off ,be disrespectful and insult me. An example of being mouthy is when he snickered,”I can see your lips moving but I don’t HEAR anything!” I think it’s back-talk but my hubby shrugged and didn’t think so. I think he gets away with so much since he had cancer; like they’re trying to “over-compensate” for it or something, but it’s not right, and he’s mean and mouthy and he shouldn’t talk to me like that yet no one ever backs me up and I have no authority.My rules don’t count and my opinions don’t matter.

I’m also just so tired of  being blamed for everything and having no support. No one ever backs me up or is on my “side”(my mom hisses it’s because I’m “always wrong!”) and I want out for good and out of this family that hates me and treats me like crap. Only the 8 YR old loves me and obeys me and the other kids resent, hate,and shun her for it.My mother hates her for loving me as well, and the ones that give me the most trouble(and that I’m least close to) are the ones she likes the best, and the one that DOES love me and is close to me she hates the most. I see a sick pattern here.It’s like she’s “rewarding” them for not loving me and “punishing” them FOR loving me; she doesn’t want anyone to love me, not even my own kids.She “buys” their affection,too.I feel so outcast and so alone.

I am also sick of struggling with everything all the time and it wears me down.I hate it that life’s always so hard for me, and nothing works out for me or goes right, and I hate being fat, ugly and dumb.My hubby rubs it in my face as well (how things always go wrong for me) and gloats that EVERYTHING goes right for HIM, and when something didn’t and I pointed it out he snapped I was “being snotty!”I also can’t figure out math for stuff and thought cooking that 2 cups was 200ml and when I have to “half” a recipe I can’t figure out what’s half of 1/4 for example and have struggles with time as well, not able to apply the math, such as can’t figure out how long it is from 8:25 to 9:00, and thinking 10:40 meant 40 minutes until 11am, etc. my whole LIFE is like that and simple everyday things for other people are complex challenges for me and I can’t do it anymore. I want to break away.How many things can conspire against me until I’m completely and utterly shattered beyond repair? When will my suffering ever end?

The Pot-Bellied Pig.

 My 16 YR old informed me that he’d like to have a miniature pot-bellied pig for a pet.Can you believe it? Sure they are sort of cute and it would be a novel idea, but even  the dogs were so much trouble we had to get rid of them, so can you imagine what a farm animal would be like? The smell? The mess? He said he’d take care of it(keep it in his room, or what?) and feed it and whatnot but we all know how that would end after 1-2 months or so: just like with the dogs: I’d be the one stuck taking care of it!

He was so eager to have a pig for a pet he even researched it online, such as how to feed it, and checking out bylaws for keeping livestock(apparantly, according to him anyway, it’s allowable here) and checked ads and found something like 56 of them nearby selling pigs, incl. a 6 week old one(they claim is litter-box trained!) for 150$(which is cheaper than for a dog!) My hubby is dead-set against it, his decree clearly of “No more pets!” it is strictly forbidden in any shape,way, or form, and he was informed when he’s an adult and has his own place later he can get a pig or whatever else he wants(although his landlord might have an issue with that!!), but we’ve had enough of troublesome animals!

I joked that when we go to Ex to keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn’t sneak one of the piglets from the farm display and smuggle it home under his shirt and hide it in his room,and to listen on the news afterwards and see if they’re missing any pigs,and if so, to look in his bedroom for it(although his room is such a pigsty anyway even if it was hidden there you wouldn’t notice!)Imagine him thinking we’d actually LET him bring a PIG into the house?

Worn Down Emotionally.

 I have been overwhelmed with so much sadness, bad news,disaster, and strife lately that I am just worn down emotionally.Between a 2 YR old I pray for who’s brain tumor’s relapsed, the attacks in Norway(a place I have been to myself, although I was in Bergen)the drought and famine in Somalia, 4 friends battling cancer,our sick priest, the guy on the sidewalk the other day my hubby helped when no one else would(and the fact that people are so heartless and cruel to just ignore someone laying on the sidewalk in need of help)the Casey Anthony verdict, and other tragedy and evil in the world, my heart is heavy and breaks with sadness, grief, and overwhelming despair. It seems there is only ever bad news, and the inhumanity of the world, the world’s evils and ills,and it weighs down heavily on my heart.

There are my own personal struggles, battles and conflicts as well, mainly my mother.She still continues to butt-in, under-mine and over-rule me, overstep boundaries with my kids, blame me for everything and make my life miserable. She was interfering as usual and when I told her she “doesn’t know her place” with my kids she says *I* put HER “down”(for standing up to her) and that *I* “don’t know MY place” and I reminded her that it IS my place; that they’re MY kids, NOT hers! She really is a piece of work and she gets the kids and my hubby ganged up against me as well and is always telling me to move out if  I don’t like it, knowing very well I have no $$$, no job or social skills, no way to support myself,and nowhere to go. My life is simply devoid of joy and happiness and the more bad news I hear it beats me down even more. It seems that there’s nothing good left anymore, no goodness in humanity, no justice, no fairness, no hope, no  morality; just evil, sin(and when I get fed up with sin my mother also snickers to me,”You can’t tell other people what to do!”), corruption, insanity, poverty, oppression, despair, suffering,tragedy, and my heart is burdened with so much hurt, not only for myself, but for my friends, people I know, people I pray for, strangers, and the world.It feels like I carry the weight of the world in my heart.

Good Idea, Bad Idea.

Going along with a popular theme of “Good idea, bad idea.” Here goes, my version:

GOOD IDEA: Vacationing in Europe

BAD IDEA: Swimming to get there.

 

GOOD IDEA: Going to church

BAD IDEA: Going to church naked.

 

GOOD IDEA: Breastfeeding your baby.

BAD IDEA: Breastfeeding your baby underwater.

 

GOOD IDEA: Having a baby

BAD IDEA: Having a baby at 13.

 

GOOD IDEA: Eating soup.

BAD IDEA: Eating soup with a chopstick.

 

GOOD IDEA: Weighing yourself.

BAD IDEA: Weighing yourself having to use an elephant scale.

 

GOOD IDEA: Sitting outside.

BAD IDEA: Sitting outside in winter at -35 C.

 

GOOD IDEA: Having a picnic.

BAD IDEA: Having a picnic during a tornado.

 

GOOD IDEA: Climbing a tree.

BAD IDEA: Climbing a tree because a bear is chasing you.

 

GOOD IDEA: Picking fruit.

BAD IDEA: Picking fruit next to a hornet’s nest.

 

GOOD IDEA: Getting married.

BAD IDEA: Getting married to a relative.

 

GOOD IDEA: The military helping to evacuate in natural disasters.

BAD IDEA: The military killing innocent civilians overseas.

 

GOOD IDEA: Going on a trip.

BAD IDEA: Going on a trip but forgetting your passport.

 

GOOD IDEA: Naming your dog “Rover.”

BAD IDEA: Naming your kid “Rover.”

 

GOOD IDEA: Going to the bathroom when you wake up.

BAD IDEA: Going to the bathroom while you’re still asleep.

 

GOOD IDEA: Getting a love letter form a secret admirer.

BAD IDEA: Getting a love letter from a secret admirer in prison.

 

GOOD IDEA: Reading your diary.

BAD IDEA: Someone else reading your diary.

 

GOOD IDEA: Wearing goggles swimming.

BAD IDEA: Wearing goggles on the bus.

 

GOOD IDEA: Giving money to charity.

BAD IDEA: Giving someone else’s money to charity.

 

GOOD IDEA: Picking up trash.

BAD IDEA: Picking up white trash.

 

GOOD IDEA: Finding a mouse in a mousetrap.

BAD IDEA: Finding a mouse in your bed.

 

GOOD IDEA: Snorkelling in the ocean.

BAD IDEA: Snorkelling in your bathtub.

 

GOOD IDEA: Finding money.

BAD IDEA: Losing money.

 

GOOD IDEA: Breaking a record.

BAD IDEA: Breaking your leg.

 

GOOD IDEA:Taking a laxative before bed.

BAD IDEA:Taking  a laxative before a long flight.

The Good Samaritan.

 My hubby was a Good Samaritan. He saw a young man(looked like in his early 20’s) laying on the sidewalk on our street a couple of houses down from us. He was driving home and saw him laying there, with others just walking by him, pointing and laughing and ignoring him and just walking past, so he got out of the van and went over to him and called 9-1-1. He said he was semi-conscious and looked “wasted.” The ambulance came in just a minute, the fastest I’ve ever seen!(when I needed one years ago when I was hemmoraging prego it took 30 min. to arrive!) so it must have been close-by, and they came and assessed him and loaded him into the back and didn’t pull away until 15 min. or so, stabilizing him I suppose.

Seeing him laying there he had no idea what was wrong, just that he needed help.Afterall, laying on the sidewalk isn’t a normal thing; he could have been attacked, had a heart attack, fallen and hit his head, etc. who knows. Some teen girls came by and said he’s a crackhead(and there are alot of drug problems in this town, incl. at the highschool) and likely was just stoned, but how are we to know, and besides, he could still need help; could have hit his head when he passed out, or been dying of a drug overdose. It’s still best to call for help and let the paramedics decide. Imagine if you saw someone there and ignored him and didn’t call for help and he died because no one did anything? Even if he IS a crackhead he’s still a human being and needed help. I hope he’ll be ok…

UPDATE:NEXT DAY:

The guy came by to thank my hubby for helping him. He said he was in the hospital overnight and has to see a specialist and that he’d had a mini-stroke! He said he could feel himself going down and many cars kept passing by and no one helped him until my hubby came by. That just makes me so MAD! How can people BE so cruel and heartless and just leave a guy laying there on the street like that? When my hubby asked him if he needed help he nodded that he did was looked happy when EMS arrived. I’m glad he’s ok; I had been thinking about him all night and all day today wondering how he was.My hubby said he “sounded wasted” but that was an incorrect assumption; he’d had a stoke. It just goes to show it’s always best to help because you never know.

Well, Excuuuuuuse Me!!!

 I seem to have an innate ability to always offend everyone even though it’s not my intention.(although no doubt that people today get overly offended over everything!) It’s not like I start the day thinking, “Let’s see how many people I can offend today!” it just sort of works out that way.What I say is always twisted around and taken the wrong way and with my Asperger’s things come out wrong as well and can come across as insensitive, offensive, or nosey when it wasn’t what I meant.I have a hard time figuring out what is socially acceptable to say and do and what is not, and distinguishing between what can be actually said vs. what should be best kept to oneself as a thought in your head. As well, my strong religious beliefs, opinions, morals and values,and outspokenness turn people off as well.Needless to say I have a hard time making and keeping friends.I just have a habit of turning people off and it makes me pretty lonely and causes me to withdraw and isolate myself even more.

I am often getting de-friended on Facebook as well and most of the time I have no idea why. It can be as simple as once they find out I’m religious or that I am anti-war, or that I don’t condone sin, or don’t like sports.Other times it’s a mere disagreement.People can be so childish and petty and delete people for every stupid little thing. I had a friend delete me for not supporting the recent postal strike. I had another delete me because a mutual”friend” didn’t like me ever since grade 7 and told him to delete me. I was even blocked by someone I once loved. No matter what I say or do or don’t say or do I always offend people and they hate me and all gang-up on me and turn on me. This esp. happens when I leave comments on posts or have things published in the paper.I am always going in one direction and everyone else is going the opposite way.

Yesterday I got fed up with it and I called some of them out on it: I sent messages to friends who recently de-friended me for no apparant reason, at least that I’m aware of, incl. my own brother-in-law. I asked them straight out why they deleted me; that I at least deserve an explanation. I asked them if it was a mere over-sight or if it was an intentional snub.This also lets them know that I did indeed notice,and to “shame” and embarrass them into feeling guilty for doing it. I’m tired of being discarded and treated like shit and they should own up to it.Maybe they’ll even feel guilty and “friend” me again, but at least I confronted them and that they couldn’t just secretly and silently brush me off.

I saw in a movie a novel idea I wish was real: a “parallel” universe; where somewhere out there is another(or several other) version of me(and of all of us) only where things work out for me, go my way, and where I’m happy. Too bad this wasn’t real and then I could “trade” that version with my life and myself now.That version would also always say and do the right things, charm and impress people and would be accepted and liked and not always rejected and cast off. It wouldn’t manage to offend everybody and life would be good.I would fit in and be happy and wouldn’t always be on the outside looking in.