I seem to have an innate ability to always offend everyone even though it’s not my intention.(although no doubt that people today get overly offended over everything!) It’s not like I start the day thinking, “Let’s see how many people I can offend today!” it just sort of works out that way.What I say is always twisted around and taken the wrong way and with my Asperger’s things come out wrong as well and can come across as insensitive, offensive, or nosey when it wasn’t what I meant.I have a hard time figuring out what is socially acceptable to say and do and what is not, and distinguishing between what can be actually said vs. what should be best kept to oneself as a thought in your head. As well, my strong religious beliefs, opinions, morals and values,and outspokenness turn people off as well.Needless to say I have a hard time making and keeping friends.I just have a habit of turning people off and it makes me pretty lonely and causes me to withdraw and isolate myself even more.
I am often getting de-friended on Facebook as well and most of the time I have no idea why. It can be as simple as once they find out I’m religious or that I am anti-war, or that I don’t condone sin, or don’t like sports.Other times it’s a mere disagreement.People can be so childish and petty and delete people for every stupid little thing. I had a friend delete me for not supporting the recent postal strike. I had another delete me because a mutual”friend” didn’t like me ever since grade 7 and told him to delete me. I was even blocked by someone I once loved. No matter what I say or do or don’t say or do I always offend people and they hate me and all gang-up on me and turn on me. This esp. happens when I leave comments on posts or have things published in the paper.I am always going in one direction and everyone else is going the opposite way.
Yesterday I got fed up with it and I called some of them out on it: I sent messages to friends who recently de-friended me for no apparant reason, at least that I’m aware of, incl. my own brother-in-law. I asked them straight out why they deleted me; that I at least deserve an explanation. I asked them if it was a mere over-sight or if it was an intentional snub.This also lets them know that I did indeed notice,and to “shame” and embarrass them into feeling guilty for doing it. I’m tired of being discarded and treated like shit and they should own up to it.Maybe they’ll even feel guilty and “friend” me again, but at least I confronted them and that they couldn’t just secretly and silently brush me off.
I saw in a movie a novel idea I wish was real: a “parallel” universe; where somewhere out there is another(or several other) version of me(and of all of us) only where things work out for me, go my way, and where I’m happy. Too bad this wasn’t real and then I could “trade” that version with my life and myself now.That version would also always say and do the right things, charm and impress people and would be accepted and liked and not always rejected and cast off. It wouldn’t manage to offend everybody and life would be good.I would fit in and be happy and wouldn’t always be on the outside looking in.