I have been overwhelmed with so much sadness, bad news,disaster, and strife lately that I am just worn down emotionally.Between a 2 YR old I pray for who’s brain tumor’s relapsed, the attacks in Norway(a place I have been to myself, although I was in Bergen)the drought and famine in Somalia, 4 friends battling cancer,our sick priest, the guy on the sidewalk the other day my hubby helped when no one else would(and the fact that people are so heartless and cruel to just ignore someone laying on the sidewalk in need of help)the Casey Anthony verdict, and other tragedy and evil in the world, my heart is heavy and breaks with sadness, grief, and overwhelming despair. It seems there is only ever bad news, and the inhumanity of the world, the world’s evils and ills,and it weighs down heavily on my heart.
There are my own personal struggles, battles and conflicts as well, mainly my mother.She still continues to butt-in, under-mine and over-rule me, overstep boundaries with my kids, blame me for everything and make my life miserable. She was interfering as usual and when I told her she “doesn’t know her place” with my kids she says *I* put HER “down”(for standing up to her) and that *I* “don’t know MY place” and I reminded her that it IS my place; that they’re MY kids, NOT hers! She really is a piece of work and she gets the kids and my hubby ganged up against me as well and is always telling me to move out if I don’t like it, knowing very well I have no $$$, no job or social skills, no way to support myself,and nowhere to go. My life is simply devoid of joy and happiness and the more bad news I hear it beats me down even more. It seems that there’s nothing good left anymore, no goodness in humanity, no justice, no fairness, no hope, no morality; just evil, sin(and when I get fed up with sin my mother also snickers to me,”You can’t tell other people what to do!”), corruption, insanity, poverty, oppression, despair, suffering,tragedy, and my heart is burdened with so much hurt, not only for myself, but for my friends, people I know, people I pray for, strangers, and the world.It feels like I carry the weight of the world in my heart.