Always Disappointed.

 It seems I am always disappointed in life. Like, for instance, I had told my hubby to pick up some taffy apples(with the red crunchy coating) and he ended up getting caramel(chewy brown coating) apples  instead.I even TOLD him twice to get the RED ones and NOT the brown ones!! He can’t even be trusted to get the right thing and as always I end up let down and disappointed. It never fails, when I get excited or look forward to something it doesn’t work out.I hope for the best but expect the worst as that’s what I always get!

We also got the new Cub Scout uniform and it’s so UGLY! I liked the old brown one with the collar and buttons and red sash; it looked professional but the new one is an ugly grey(so ugly I couldn’t even find it on Google images, no one bothered to put it up!) it looks cheap, like a rag or something that crawled out of the Goodwill box. Why DO they always have to go and change everything anyway? Why couldn’t they just keep the same one as before? Very rarely when they change things does it end up for the better; most times it’s much worse!

The pool is also green with algae again despite all the hard work I put into it daily and it’s so discouraging. I should just give up and forget about it; what a waste of time; I put in all this effort for no results, and still no reply from the ashram either and I am losing hope; that was my only and last hope and if I can’t go there it’s hopeless and  I have nothing left. My hubby also said he’s re-doing the shitty porch carpet and ripped it out a week ago and the slummy-looking concrete’s still out there with the fences off and everything cluttering the lawn….and he hasn’t even bought the new carpet yet! He always dawdles and everything takes forever with him and it gets me so MAD! I HATE it looking like this all messy and undone and no fence around the pool is also a safety hazard! He should have just hired someone to do it and then it would have only taken 1-2 days! Then he screams at me that he’s doing it on HIS schedule, NOT mine. I just don’t think he should be taking this long to do it and he shouldn’t have ripped out the old one or taken the fences off until he actually HAS the new carpet and is ready to install it!

I am just so tired of always being depressed, angry, stressed, disappointed,resentful, short-changed, unlucky, and hopeless in life. Nothing ever changes or improves. There never seems to be any hope and going away to the ashram for a break from my life was all I had and now even that’s not looking too promising. If I DO go, however, I think I’ll stay for good and not return(why come back when I’d just be coming back to the same old shit anyway? Things will never change). What’s the point in even coming back when I don’t want to be here and no one else wants me here either? It’ll be better for everyone with me gone.I’m just so tired of always being disappointed and feeling like this all the time.

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