The Ugly Green Carpet.

 Our porch  carpet had been all chewed apart by the stupid dogs and my hubby said he’d replace it last year and of course he never did and then it was to be this spring, and now he FINALLY got around to doing it, well, sort of…a week ago he stripped off the old one and took down the fence leaving it looking like a slum. Now he finally got the carpet…but of course he got the wrong one; it was supposed to be the astroturf stuff with the fibres/little “hairs” sticking out of it and instead he got this ugly green carpet. I hate it.

Of course for us nothing can ever go right, easy, without incident, or be done on time, and to make it worse is my hubby is such an obsessive perfectionist so everything has to be “perfect”(whereas for me good enough is good enough) and there’s always something: this time he ran out of glue….and then his drill broke, and then he broke part of the gate,and decided instead of putting the old fence(which is perfectly fine)back  he decided to do an entirely new fence as well, costing more $$$$ and taking even more time! Then he found he didn’t know how to do the curved steps….so will likely have to end up painting them instead…..meaning more cost and time…need masonry  primer and paint and supplies….meaning even more delays and it drives me crazy! I just want it back to the way it was; leaving it all cluttered and undone drives me up the wall! We’ll be lucky if this is done in 1-2 weeks!(he’d promised me it would be done in 2 days. Yeah, right) Nothing can ever just go right or go smoothly for us.I hate it he always has to complicate things and make things harder than they have to be.Now I regret he even started it; should have just left it with the holes in; this is ridiculous and so not worth it! The LAST thing I need in my life is even MORE stress!

I would just do it myself if I could, but I’m useless(as I’m always being reminded of) and it’s “man’s work” and my hubby and son jeer at me it’s “not my thing” that “work isn’t my thing” and yell at and berate me for getting mad and for not being able to do it. When I suggested we should have just hired a professional to install it who KNOWS what he’s doing, and it would be done quicker, in like just 1-2 DAYS instead of 1-2 WEEKS and would prevent all this bickering and hostility over it he got REALLY scathing mad and yelling and  screaming at me. I’m so tired of this shit. Now I’m at the point that I don’t even CARE anymore if he does it or not. I’m done. I’m done with always being stressed, disappointed, blamed, belittled, hassled, etc. I’m done with this family and this life. I am so despondent and desperately unhappy I HAVE to get out.I came so close to killing myself again today. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know WHY he thinks he can do everything himself and when it goes wrong(as things always do for us) somehow it’s always MY fault and he blames me.Fuck it.