Blame Me.

I found out my hubby told the kids,”If Mama didn’t live here then things would be a lot better!” and some of them even agreed,too! Words can’t even begin to describe how it made me feel.He never stands up to my controlling and meddling mother either; he needs to grow a pair and be a man and defend his family. He’s supposed to support the kids and I but his “excuse” is he “only hears my side.”(But doesn’t bother to talk to her and find out either, and it’s true; why would I make it UP?)

My mother also over-indulges,coddles, and excuses the 4 YR old just like she did with one of our older kids and turned her into a pampered, entitled snotty brat as well and now he’s “replaced” her and becoming the exact same! He’s defiant, mouthy, bossy, talks back(eg. when I say to stop doing something he yells, “No! YOU stop it!” and “I don’t have to do what YOU say!”  tells me to “Shut up!” and “I’m going to BREAK you in half!”etc.) and bites people, toys, furniture,clothing, etc. and when I said “There’s something wrong with him!” she snickered, “There’s something wrong with ALL of them!” and whenever I show concern  over his defiant behaviour or punish him she sneers, “We’re all different!” “Everyone has SOMETHING!” and “YOU’RE not ‘perfect’, either!” etc, always turning it around on to me and blaming me for everything. Somehow, everything’s always MY fault!

Yesterday he also raged and tantrumed as the 8 YR wouldn’t play a game with him as she was eating(she did play afterwards) and my snotty mother blamed HER for NOT doing what HE wants, and when he’s bad(which is all the time; he’s a bad kid) she blames her for “getting him going” and “provoking” him, or when I punish him she says I’m “picking” on him! She blames everyone except him and him and his behaviour and her interfering is causing a lot of stress and conflict! He also said he loves me ” 1 %” but my hubby “a THOUSAND million” and when I say how he’s not behaving she’ll always bring up every single thing I ever did wrong in my whole life(eg. pretending I was a dog when I was 4) and mentions all my shortcomings. I’m not even “allowed” to have an opinion or discipline my own child, and her coddling and excusing him has turned him into an obnoxious incorrigable monster! He always screams and rages when he doesn’t get what he wants and I’m the only one who ever tells him no.My mother also told me if I don’t like it when he rages and tantrums that *I* should go up to MY room instead of HIM going up to HIS room!

I’m sick of always being hassled, blamed, over-ruled, undermined and treated like shit. I hate being devalued, dismissed and mocked. I feel like I’m stuck in a job I hate, in a life I don’t want and then they wonder WHY I hate my life and this family and wish I was dead.I probably never should have had kids either; I never knew it would be like this.I was better off before. Having kids was my dream but it ended up making me miserable. I’m trapped in a loveless marriage with a family that hates and mistreats me. My mother smirked,”A lot of things are true but they’ll never change!” when I told her to stop meddling and my hubby won’t back me up and I feel so trapped, alone and helpless.Everyone wants to get rid of me. I even find myself praying for a terminal disease because I hate this life and want out. I wish I was anyone else.