Ready For Christmas! Bring It On!

 We are ready for Christmas and Advent has begun; count-down! We have our outdoor lights up and running even though they short-circuited and kept shutting off a few times,and one time half of them weren’t working, and it blew a fuse a couple of times, and shut off in the rain(we ALWAYS have a problem with them every YR so much so sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth it!) and then 1 strand wasn’t working and I noticed a live wire sticking out(did the squirrels chew it?)so I put tape over it and then we replaced the strand. So far so good…it’s just another annoyance in my life that I don’t need though.

We also put up our tree; our first artificial one(although we always had fake ones when I was a kid and I used to love going to my aunts’ as they had real ones). We had always had real trees but after it leaked last YR and stained our hardwood floor that was the end of that, so at the end of the season last YR we bought an artificial tree half price. We also no longer have to worry about stepping on needles anymore either and clean up is way easier. I DO love the fresh tree smell, but we bought ornaments that smell like pine to cover that issue. Our 17 YR old calls it a “redneck tree” as it’s skinny and scrawny compared to the big bushy real ones we used to get,but now it’s filled out more it’s decorated and doesn’t look so “Charlie Brown-ish” anymore.It’s 7 feet tall.As every YR when the kids weren’t looking I took the tacky ornaments off that they put on and I hid them.

We also have our Advent wreath we put a new candle in each week and the Advent calenders where we open a window each day and eat the chocolate behind it(like I used to have as a kid) and I decorated the house both inside and out as well..boy, it sure is alot of work! We have the gifts all bought and wrapped,already,too.The only thing we haven’t done yet is the Christmas cards but we only do around 3 now anyway as most of the people we mailed them to in the past have all died.I always get free ones in the mail from the various charities I support and now we have enough to last about the next 3-4 YRS!

Now all we need is the snow! We had a very light “dusting” overnight one day but now it’s just all this horrible gloomy RAIN, 50mm the other day and 40 mm yesterday. I HATE this stupid rain and am so sick of it(the basement’s flooding again too!) and it SHOULD have been a heavy snowfall if it had been colder. I don’t like “Green” Christmas; every YR I want the same thing for Chrismas: snow!

Next up: annual cancer clinic family Christmas party, homeschooler’s potluck Christmas party, and parties at Cadets and Cubs. Dec. is always so busy! Our kids away in university are also coming up for a visit as well!



 Take a look at these hideous god-awful things,aren’t they ugly as sin? For some unknown reason our 8 and 10 YR olds love them and want to get them. I can’t believe it! They look like rag dolls(they even have tacky button eyes! Gaaaaccckk!) that crawled out of the dumpster, they’re so ugly and the clothes don’t even match! They certainly didn’t inherit my taste, that’s for sure! The 12 YR old thinks they’re hideous as well. They even have stupid names like Peanut Big Top, Misty Mysterious, Marina Anchors, Bee Spells A Lot, etc. How dumb can you GET? They wanted me to get them for them for Christmas  too but I’m NOT wasting my $$$ on something so ugly; if they want them they’ll have to use their own $$$. It seems the uglier things are the more popular they are, like those ghoulish Monster High dolls that look like a Goth/vampire version of Barbie, or that fugly SpongeBob with it’s bug eyes, spindly little legs and buck teeth. Ugh.

As well, yesterday as I was sitting out on the veranda this redneck skank let her dog crap on our lawn and I was right there and she saw me, and I was so tempted to say,”Are you going to pick that UP?”(which, of course she didn’t) and then I had to suppress all urges to not pick up the turds and throw them at her and yell,”Hey, you FORGOT this!” I can’t believe the nerve of people here; they are so rude and disrespectful of other people’s property. They are also the type you don’t want to aggravate for fear of retaliation, fire-bomb your house or throw a brick thru your window or file some bogus report on you to the authorities in revenge, so all I did was give her the “Up Yours!” when her back was turned, but it was oh, so tempting!(but I just kept my evil thoughts to myself) People here SUCK!

She’s Baaaack!

 My mother is back from her Caribbean trip. She said the weather was nice, around 27 C and she has a suntan. She said she got lost in the airport and they changed her gate and never even told her and the kiosk to get the boarding pass didn’t work for her(they never do for me either, we’re both cursed) and an employee had to help her. She also said her overnight airport hotel card key didn’t work and she locked herself out of her ship cabin as well. We wouldn’t be us if we didn’t always have mishaps!

She said the food was good and she had a nice relaxing time but actually missed having ME to talk to! I couldn’t believe it! She’s so MEAN to me yet she missed me? Maybe now she’ll be a bit nicer, at least for awhile anyway. She brought us back souvenirs as well: I got cheap jewellery(and the necklace clasp broke so now I can’t even wear it, figures) and a T-shirt that with my big boobs is too small.(I always have a hard time finding shirts and sweaters that fight; they’re always too tight on the chest)Just my “luck.”

The good of her being back is now the workload will once again be divided among 2 people. It was too much for just one person.

I Hate Life And Life Hates Me.

 Bear with me, this will be a long one, I can tell.

Not only do I have all the facial abnormalities of Marfan Syndrome(which is WHY I’m ugly!) such as long narrow face, flat cheeks, deep-set eyes, deformed jaw, high narrow arched palate and crowded teeth, I found out my other ailments are common in Marfan as well: sore lower back(due to spinal problems) headaches(leaking CSF) shortness of breath, and not seeing well, and I have all of them; they’re all connected and now all explained too. I always knew there was something, now I know why; the puzzle has been solved.I have always struggled with my looks my entire life and with Marfan, Aspergers, Social Phobia, OCD, and my perception problem all combined life is very hard for me and I don’t have the tools I need to navigate thru life and I struggle.

The 8 YR old(the only one that DOES love me) also cried,”I hate it Papa doesn’t like you!” and “Why is everyone always so mean to you and makes you cry?” My hubby is annoyed, hates it and yells at me all the time because he has to always keep repeating things before I can understand  and he doesn’t have the patience, understanding or tolerance for anyone dumb. He’s smart and things come easy for him and he learns quickly  and doesn’t understand why  it doesn’t for me and why I always struggle and everything’s always so hard for me.It frustrates him and he thinks because things are easy for him it should be for everyone else. He hates it as well I “always complain” how nothing works for me, I have bad luck, and everything always goes wrong and I’m fed up with my sub-standard life and he doesn’t want to hear it….but how does he think *I* feel having to LIVE it every day?

I hate my fractured family and I accidently gave the kids the “wrong” pizza and my hubby rages and screams at me and the 17 and 13 YR olds   jeer I’m an “idiot” and “insane” and he not only lets them talk to me like that, he agrees with them and sneered everything IS my fault(and that’s why everyone always blames me) and I don’t take any responsibility, and that the kids treat me the way I treat MY mother when in actual fact they copy seeing how him and her mistreat ME!! He also says I “don’t love the kids”(he has it backwards; they don’t love me)which isn’t true,  and he’s mad I “don’t like” him as well(even though HE’S the one that treats ME like shit!) I wish I was dead. If he’s right and I AM the cause of everything then I might as well kill myself then; it would solve the problem and everyone would be better off(I’d be free of my miserable existance and they’d be rid of me) so I should just eliminate myself from the equation. It’s like how it was with having  my first baby though; I really want to but I’m also scared.

Even “little” things don’t work for me,either: I can no longer upload photos on Facebook anymore(for a week now) so I tried the kids’ computer and when I was done she said HER computer doesn’t work anymore ever since I used it; I AM a jinx of bad luck and curse everything I touch; I don’t know what else would explain it.I also only watch ONE TV show a week and now another show( a one-time special) I want to watch of course HAS to be on that exact SAME day and time,even though there’s 6 other days and various other times it could be on instead, but oh, no; it HAD to be then,so now I don’t know which one to choose. The church is starting changes to the Mass, Liturgy and prayers now as well and I don’t like change(my Asperger’s makes it even worse) and whenever there’s change it’s never for the better; always worse. I wish they’d just leave things the way they are. My mom comes home from her trip in a few HRS as well and the kids miss her but no one ever misses me(except for the 8 YR old) when I go away. I hope being away she’ll be nicer when she comes back,too. I’m just one of those people that the universe shits on.

When I die whether I go to Heaven or am reincarnated( no one knows for sure what actually happens until the time comes, we can only speculate) I just want to be happier than I am now.

Life hates me.I hate me.Everyone hates me. I hate my life.Once again I will pray to God to take me in my sleep but He never does and I wake up disappointed every day.