Things finally seem to be falling into place for my ashram trip. I was worried about how they don’t take credit cards(it seems to be as they don’t all take the “chips” and are just starting to switch over) and I have to get $$$$ from ATM machines which I’ve never used(I’m dense that way) but I have a friend who lives in India and she said if you have a major credit card you can access the ATM’s and that they have them everywhere all over India(so not a hard thing to find) and I Google searched and found there’s 6 of them in the Delhi airport alone and that the village I’ll be staying at even has 7 of them!
Today we also got our new “upgraded” credit cards in the mail, the new ones with the “chips” embedded in them(the ones before didn’t have it; you just “swipe” the magnetic strip side) and as it turns out these new ones can ALSO now be used at the ATM to withdraw $$$ as well as using it as a credit card; I just need a PIN number! So, once I get that, my hubby will take me to a machine here and I can practice. Everyone says it’s easy but easy for THEM doesn’t necessarily mean easy for ME….
It’s as if God has all this pre-planned, that they switch over to these new cards, the same cards I’ll need for the ATM, and that it all happens at this time. At least I can breathe a sigh of relief about the $$$. Oh, and I also found out apparantly it’s illegal(they consider it to be “smuggling”) to bring Rupees IN or out of the country, so I’ll have to get some when I arrive at the airport and then every few days as needed while saying at the ashram and they said they have a guard at each ATM as well which is reassuring I won’t get robbed!
Today is All-Saints Day. It is a day the Church has to remind us to remember and honour those who have gone to Heaven and have set a good example for us in our faith and endurance as well as a holy day to counter-act the occult from yesterday.
I feel like I’m in a state of suspended adolescence. Emotionally I am still like a child as well as with my limitations in life. I feel like I’m still about 15, and feel like I’m a child disguised as an adult, a child trapped in an adult body. I am emotionally stunted due to my Asperger’s, Social Phobia, being rejected and bullied all my life, and all the traumas I have endured. It has left me shattered and unable to function as a capable adult.
I am unable to function as a self-sufficient, functioning, mature, independent adult as a result,and still need someone to take care of me and am dependent. I rely on my mother and hubby financially and for him for transportation.I can’t do bills, banking, taxes,I can’t drive, follow maps or directions, or instructions and can’t assemble things, etc. I can’t survive on my own and don’t have the necessary tools for survival. Life is a constant struggle for me and everything is hard. I have no job or life skills, no income, and no way to support myself.It also leaves me feeling helpless and trapped.
I have decided as well to get an ATM card(I’ll need when I’m in India) from the bank and my hubby will try and teach me how to use it, but he’s very condescending and patronizing with me and often shakes his head and loudly sighs in disbelief at me being so dumb so it’s not too likely it will go well. I also have a hard time learning new things which he taunts me over as well. Everyday life skills and things that are normal for other people baffle and confuse me and are out of my reach and beyond my capabilities.I don’t react, think, and function like others do and life is challenging for me and everyday living is a constant struggle for me.In the store yesterday they wanted me to “swipe” my credit card and I’ve never done that before; the cashier would take it and swipe it before and I’d just sign it,but this is something new and it was intimidating and I tried so many times but it was always the wrong way and I just felt so dumb.
As well, we got a stand for our new TV and of course my hubby didn’t get the cool modular one I liked with the black wood and the curved see thru things; he got this ugly thing with 3 layers of black glass and tacky silver support/legs that look cheap. As soon as he finished assembling it and he and the 13 YR old moved it into place and put the TV on it one of the “plates” of glass(the one at the bottom) all shattered and broke so now we’re right back to where we started and have to return it now and get something else. I swear we MUST be jinxed; NOTHING ever goes RIGHT for us! These kinds of things always happen to us!!