Changed My Mind.

 After much thought I have decided that I changed my mind and that I won’t be going to the ashram in India afterall; it just won’t work; there are just so many extra costs, expenses and add-ons that end up costing too much and piling up, esp. considering I won’t be getting enough food or drinks and won’t even have a towel to dry off after my shower. What I originally thought was a fairly inexpensive trip ended up costing alot more(and logistics that just won’t work for me) as I had to pay for everything separately when at first I thought it was all incl. in the cost. It’s also daunting to be there all on my own so I figured it’s best all things considered I don’t go afterall.

Yet another of my hopes,plans,and dreams that didn’t work out. Something else I failed at, didn’t achieve,that fell thru,and that I looked forward to and didn’t work out. Big surprise.My hubby didn’t think I could do it on my own anyway; no one has any faith in me and it’s almost like he doesn’t want me to be happy.Things just don’t work for me,period. My life is a constant let-down and disappointment.

I’ll look into a cruise to Asia later perhaps that incl. India. I’ll still have a break and get away, but I won’t starve or be dehydrated and I’ll have clean towels for my shower. It might end up costing the same(although for 14-16 days instead of a month) but at least I’ll have what I need.I won’t be sick, lost, stranded, etc. and I can use my credit  card and not have the concerns I had here.I’m used to cruises anyway.

Now I have no more hopes, plans or goals for the future either; I originally thought I’d move to the ashram in Toronto but that didn’t work either.So now I have nothing. All I have left now is basically just waiting to die. Who am I kidding? I’m not going anywhere. I’m just stuck here until I die; I’ll never leave.There’s no more hope for anything else now.Why plan or hope for anything anyway when it never ends up happening anyway and I just end up crushed?

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