Animals I’d Like To Be.

 I’ve never liked being me and have always wanted to be someone else, even an animal. Some people believe we go thru many “lives” incl. taking on animal forms before we “graduate” and progress to the highest human form. Now I don’t necessarily believe this but it’s a novel idea and got me thinking: if I WAS an animal I’d certainly have alot less stress, anxiety,and worry and would be more content in life.I wouldn’t worry or think of what dangers are waiting ahead. I’d merely live day to day. My only concerns would be sleeping, eating, mating,and defending.Here are the animals I would like to be:

– Hippo. I love hippos and they are like me as well; fat, lay in the sun and bathe in the water. They are also bald, and their skin’s a purplish colour.

-Bird: I’d love to fly. I spent most of my childhood trying to fly. A bird is free and can fly high above everything. Many of them are also very beautiful and have pretty songs.

– Dog: Dogs are cute and cuddly and people pamper them and treat them even better than they treat people.All your needs and comforts are provided and you sleep most of the time and live a plush life.

– Squirrel: Squirrels can climb anything, have big bushy tails and live quietly in trees. They are quite the acrobats and are the cutest looking things!

– Dolphin: A dolphin loves the water and swims day in and day out. They are loved by people and are very intelligent.

– Butterfly: Butterflies are beautiful and they can fly.

– Horse: Horses are strong majestic creatures. I have fond memories of horseback riding as a kid.

– Armadillo: Armadillos are cool-looking and they are sort of like me: hard with protective armour on the outside but soft, squishy and vulnerable underneath and like to curl up into a ball to hide from danger.

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As well, the security alarm blared at 4am and the source was the balcony door in one of the girls’ bedrooms and I hope it was just the strong howling wind that blew it open and NOT that someone was trying to break in! The monitoring station also called us to verify.My hubby went out there to check it out and there was no ladder or anything that might indicate a break in but it still freaks me out just the same! Maybe someone DID try but the alarm scared him off?

My hubby also changed the rules(and lied) for the 5 YR old again(no wonder he’s so bad!) he’d originally said if he’d behaved all day yesterday that today he’d get the Wii back….except he didn’t behave but he said he STILL gets it back and then says I’M the one that “doesn’t understand anything” and he’s tired of always having to explain it to me but I DO understand: I understand he lied and changed the rules again and now he’s learned nothing and knows he can be bad and still get what he wants! He should be consistant and actually follow thru with his punishment!

I was also at the stove cooking lunch yesterday and my hubby said I “took” HIS pot and took “his” element, even though there are 3 MORE that he can still use(what’s the DIFFERENCE?)….and then he had the nerve to tell ME to switch and give them to him and for me to use other ones even though *I* was there first! I told him “Screw YOU!” I hate his anal-retentiveness and being such a freak, accusing me of “messing up” HIS routine! Can you believe it? Give me a BREAK! He berated me for swearing when I get mad too even though HE’S usually the main cause of my anger! I should have bought asshole repellent before  married him! Him and my mom also say nothing works out for me is because I rush everything and have no patience and don’t take my time, but even when I do it makes no difference; whether I do things quickly or slowly they STILL always go wrong; there’s no difference; I think I’m just a “jinx.”

I’m so fat as well when I sat down my pants ripped and I just hate and resent I’m so fat, ugly, stupid,my Asperger’s, everything always being so hard for me all the time, having bad luck,nothing going right for me, struggling with everything in life, etc. it’s just all too much. I’m even blamed and hated for it as well even though I have no control over it and didn’t “ask” for it, like it, or want it! I mean, if I had a choice I wouldn’t CHOOSE to be like this! He and my mom also criticize my bad temper, easily angered and low frustration tolerance level(common with Asperger’s)  even though I can’t help it; it’s just something else about my disability and personality that everyone hates but it’ll never change. This is who I am.They basically hate me for being me; for being what and who I am.I hate it(and myself) too, but what can I DO? There’s no “cure” and blaming me for it certainly doesn’t help!