The Movie Of My Life.

 I heard when we die we see our life “flash” before our eyes, like watching a “movie”. People who have had Near Death Experiences have described this and one account I read recently even said that the date AND time is inscribed on it! I am looking forward to this actually, as it will be the closest thing I’ll have to going “back” to, reliving, and revisiting happy times of my past, esp. my happy childhood. It will be nice to return to a happy time and to recreate happy memories, almost like going back in time!

I basically haven’t been happy since I was 12 YRS old. I’ve had happy MOMENTS but it’s not the same thing. You can compare it to my life being a dark, dull, grey,rainy day(many times a fierce storm!) and the odd time I get brief glimpses of sun shining thru, but it never lasts for too long,whereas most people’s lives would be mainly sunny with a few clouds and the odd storm. All I have now are my happy memories and to go back to that time is an exciting prospect. I am really looking forward to it! I also hope to see old friends, family that have died and were a big part of my childhood and incl. in those memories,and maybe even the Chihuahuas I loved the most, Teeniea( one of my first ones; my 3rd one to be exact; the first 2 died within a week of buying them; I suspect from a puppy mill; after that we only bought from breeders not pet stores) and Yuri, my last one.Now I can only re-experience it in my dreams at night but later I can actually “return” to it!

I am eager for Heaven as well, a place where I will be surrounded by love and feel welcomed,accepted, and belonging, unlike how I feel here; always different, ostracized, bullied, unloved, unwelcome, mocked, unwanted, not fitting in. For once I will finally be happy and accepted and feel loved.I won’t be different than everyone else and I will no longer be fat, ugly, or broken.I will be healed. I will be Home.

I can sympathize with Jesus’ sufferings as well; He was beaten, stripped, mocked, spit on, humiliated, betrayed and forsaken, just as I have been. I have been bullied, mocked, spit on, beaten up,humiliated,stripped(of dignity) rejected,betrayed, and victimized in life as well. He has taken all our infirmities ,pain, suffering, and rejection. Every hurt and suffering we have felt He has felt it too. He has also felt fear, pain, loneliness,and rejection.A few YRS ago  I also took the exact same path of the  long walk in Jerusalem that He took on the way to His Crucifixion and it was so hot I almost passed out a few times and I wasn’t beaten, whipped, dehydrated(ok, well, maybe I WAS dehydrated!) or carrying a heavy wooden Cross like He was,either! It made me understand, sympathize,and be even more grateful. One day I hope to thank Him in Person.