Allowing Alcohol?

 Now the provincial gov’t, in all it’s “wisdom” is debating whether or not to allow alcohol to be sold in stores such as variety stores and grocery stores like they do in USA and Quebec. Currently, it can only be bought in special gov’t owned stores,severely restricting it’s sale. I think it’s a bad idea and would increase crime (stealing booze) and drunkenness if it were easier to obtain and it’s bad enough that the stores already sell sinful items like cigarettes, lottery tickets and pornographic magazines, and now alcohol as well? Why is the gov’t into the business of making $$$ off, promoting and encouraging sin? I hope the idea doesn’t pass and this country already has the highest drunk driving rate in the world and making booze even easier and convenient  to get would only make it worse, not to mention binge drinking, under age drinking, drunken brawls, etc. What a bad idea. What are they thinking? I think alcohol should be banned entirely, not made even easier to obtain!

As well, the 13 YR old got her ears pierced and she was scared and said it hurt so I hate to think what she’ll think later once she has a BABY which really DOES hurt, the 5 YR old and 9 YR old “tattooed” eachother with markers, I scooped out of the pool what I THOUGHT was a big dead grasshopper and for a joke put it on my hubby’s place-setting at the table for his “dinner”…..except then it started hopping around and I had to catch it and put it back outside! My bald “Bratz” doll and “Om” necklace came as well and the  necklace and pendant were smaller than I thought and looked kind of cheap and not worth the 75$ I paid! Someone also searched “Who gives a shit about the Olympics”(my feelings exactly) to find my blog now and even the radio DJ said about the Olympics that they’re “So incredibly boring!” I got an app’t with my family doc for next week as well to get the referrals to the plastic surgeon for my boob reduction and neurologist for my massive headaches and cognitive decline, which is increasingly worsening as well; now I also have trouble spelling words I had no problem with before and worsening forgetfulness, brain “fog”, reversing letters  and words, clumsiness and dropping things. I’m pretty sure it must be a brain tumour…

My 17 old also told me my suntan is “unhealthy”, I “contradict” myself, I’m “ignorant” and “should read a book” and I told HIM that *I* probably read more in a YR than HE’LL read over his entire lifetime, and I hate it the kids watch that stupid “Big Brother” TV show as well. Stupid reality shows. Why would they ever want to watch crap like that,anyway? Besides, it’s not something they need to, or should be, watching, anyway; the people are horrible examples and bad influences sleeping around, being bitchy, two-faced, conniving, cheating, lying, backstabbing jerks. I don’t know WHAT they see in that lame show and I’d rather stick PINS in my eyes than watch it! It angers me as well to read racist,hateful, pro-gun, pro-war, anti-immigration posts on Facebook by so-called “Christians”; their dogma and rhetoric makes me sick to my stomach,  and my hubby and I have nothing to talk about and don’t have anything to say to eachother anymore either, just fighting, and he tries to discourage me from going to the huge indoor flea market with him and the kids  on Saturday  as well saying I’ll “just be whiny and want to go home early because I’m tired”,and my happy memories of the past(before I met him)are the only things that make me smile now and all I have to hold on to, my only happiness and joy, and I miss my old friends and the fun memories I have of them,too, and hope they’re happier than I am, that they have good lives, good health, nice kids, happy marriages, jobs they love and are happy in life. I miss my old life I used to have before everything all fell apart and the blackness crept in.I wish I could go back to the past and have my old life back again.


 Whenever I eat Tabouleh Salad I think of Sargon, my friend when I was 15. He said I made it even better than his mother. He was from Lebanon and  5 YRS older than me and he was cool. This was the first(and only!) time that someone cool actually liked me. I couldn’t believe my luck; he was my friend. I met him as he was a friend of my friend’s brother and I met him over at their house. During that one summer we hung out together alot; he came over to my house, we’d play with my puppies,play the Atari,and I’d cook for him. We made an odd pair, as he had wild bushy long curly hair, a moustache, wore a black leather vest with no shirt, and jeans and steel-toed boots and I was a mousy nobody. I was the ugly duckling that never grew up to be the beautiful swan.My mother said he looked like a terrorist but when she got to know him she saw how kind he actually was and what a big heart he had.You can’t always tell by how somebody looks. He also had this van with a bed in the back my mother and I joked was a “bed on wheels” and she cautioned me to never actually go in there but he never asked me and I never did. He had the slutty bitchy popular girls as girlfriends and I never could figure out what he saw in me or why he liked me but despite that we were fast friends. I was thinking about him the other day. He’d be 50 YRS old now and I was wondering how his life turned out; I supposed he must have a family now and I wonder what he does for a living and hope that he’s happy.At the time he was working in a store that sold guitars.The last time I saw him was when I was 17 in 1984 before we left and moved away to California. I will always remember and cherish this dear friend. Although we were different and  from worlds apart we were still good friends and for that I will always marvel and wonder, and be grateful and thankful and his friendship with a homely insecure girl will always be one of my fond memories.Thank you Sargon for being my friend.


As well, someone searched “Who gives a fuck about the Olympics” to find my blog and it made me laugh out loud to see that(so I’m not the only one that thinks so!), and my hubby and the 14 YR old actually watched some of the stupid thing,too, and the 14 YR old continues to be mouthy, talk back and disrespectful to me as well but my hubby lets him talk to me like that(probably because HE treats me like shit too) and he says I’m lazy and just use my breathing problem as an “excuse” and my hubby and mother don’t care he talks to me like that and call his disrespect and mouth just his “opinion”, and 2 guys moved in across the street at the meth house and they may even be a gay couple, but if so at least they’ll take alot better care of the house than the rednecks that lived there before, and it’s sad that my hubby and I have nothing to talk about anymore and can’t talk without arguing and fighting and whenever I talk to him he just ignores me, doesn’t answer, leaves the room,dismisses me, has some sarcastic mean reply, or starts a fight.I’m so desperately unhappy and it’s tragic to realize that I married the wrong person but too late now to ever find love and guys aren’t exactly lining up for ugly girls like me either.

It’s also hard that everything I wish for will never come true: to be pretty, to be someone else, to have a different  life,different parents, to have siblings, to be loved, to be happy….it’s counter-productive and destructive and it tortures me to keep thinking about and longing for things I know I’ll never have and to always have out of my reach but then if I give up hope what does THAT leave me? I have nothing left….I wish I could re-do my entire life all over again and go back in time and change pretty well everything.