The Grass Is Greener.

 I am one of those “The grass is greener on the other side”  type of people. I am always thinking something else and somewhere else is better, looking forward to the next thing, planning ahead and wanting something different, and mainly because in my case it IS greener on the other side due to all the traumas, misfortunes, bad luck, hurts, abuse, bullying, betrayals, victimization, unhappiness, etc. I struggle with in my life. I know other people ARE better off and happier than I am, and that I would also be happier if I was someone else, married someone else, lived somewhere else, had a different life, different parents,looked different,etc. The grass on MY side is brown, dry,and dead, and I am always looking to the other side where I know it’s greener yet I can never get there; it’s like there’s an uncrossable bridge, river, canyon,or gap that always separates me from it, holding me back, forcing me to live substandard and second-class, with everything shitless and what I really want out of life unattainable and beyond my reach. I am always longing for a life,love, and happiness that I know I’ll never have and it’s like I’m peering over to the green grass on the other side wondering how I can get there yet knowing I never will, at least not in THIS lifetime, anyway….


As well, I was arguing online with the animal fanatics and I said that dressing up pets like babies is ridiculous and anyone who does it needs their head examined and that animals are not people and shouldn’t be treated like people and they said what if they can’t have kids and their pets are “substitutes”, etc. and I told them then go adopt a CHILD for Pete’s sake and that you can’t even compare animals to kids. Those animal freaks are crazy and a real pet-peeve of mine, and the 5 YR old pulled the 9 YR old’s hair and hit her hard on the chest, bit the 13 YR old, and when I told him to get off the trampoline and get in the house for misbehaving he locked me outside! Then he refused to sit in the “Time-Out” chair and kept leaving! I don’t know WHAT to DO with him he’s just so bad and defiant!

My hubby also blocked my path to the pool pump(I need on a regular basis to backwash it) in the basement with a bunch of his crap and it’s dark down there before I can get to the light to turn it on and I fell over it and then he yelled at ME for screaming and cursing that I fell! The 17 YR old likes Reggae music like I do as well(so maybe he does have some taste and there’s some hope for him afterall) and he brought his resume into a job place and they reviewed it and did a “role playing” job interview and he’ll submit it to a call centre to work for a YR  now he’s finished highschool, to decide what he wants to do with his life, and I hope after working for a YR he’ll decide to do some post-secondary training, afterall,whether it’s university, college or a trade,(I would hope university, but at the same time I also realize that it’s not for everyone)I just want him to have an interest and a skill, and to do something he loves, enjoys, is good at, and will make a decent living with, and I heard the Toronto airport hotel that we always stay at overnight( for an early morning flight the next day or if we arrive back late at night) there was a shooting! Shit!