Health Cards.

 I have the old red and white health card pictured here that has no expiry date. From 1994 they started issuing new versions with photo ID and that have to be renewed every 5 YRS or so, just like passports. They had said all along the changes wouldn’t affect the older versions of the cards just people born from 1994 and beyond but recently I read a newspaper article that said they WILL be phasing out the old cards soon , that 3.2 million people still have them ,and that we will be receiving letters in the mail advising us of this. Shit. Why don’t they just leave us alone?Can’t they just wait until we die out? What a pain in the ass to have to go down to a gov’t office and get my photo taken and have to do this every few YRS when now I don’t. Why do they ALWAYS have to make life difficult all the time? Then a few days later another article saying that was wrong and only in a few cases this will apply(likely for me though with my luck and I’m always that unlucky and unlikely statistic) so I have no idea. I guess I just keep using  the card I have unless a letter from the Ministry of Health shows up. As well, they said on the radio Canada only won bronze at the Olympics; LAST place, they can’t do any better, what losers, ha ha!

My mother also took the food right off the 9 YR old to give to the 5 YR old for his lunch and when I asked,”What IS it with you and him?”(she always caters to him, pampers and excuses him and over-indulges him) she sneered, “What’s with you and HER?”as always turning everything around onto me and she was complaining about all her work as well and I suggested a way to make things a bit easier, but any suggestion from me is  automatically ignored and dismissed by her and my hubby and she snickered,”If you want to help why don’t you do my dishes and laundry?” always a snide snarky reply or comment to EVERYTHING I say, and when I said I wish she’d just move out she spat,”YOU’RE the only one that wants me to; everyone ELSE wants me here!”(and we all know what *I* want or say doesn’t count or matter) and they say I’M the problem when I’m  just sick and tired of them always ganging up on me, blaming me, and talking shit about me behind my back( I hear them when they think I’m not there) and I hate my shitty life and being trapped in a life I hate and with a family that hates me and no one would be bothered by my death, either, in fact, they’d probably be glad to be rid of me. I feel so helpless, hopeless, and stuck as well: I want my mother to move out yet I need her help with the kids as it’s too much work for just 1 person, and I want my hubby to move out as it’s so hostile and I’m so miserable with him  and desperately unhappy except then we’d have no transportation(for groceries, church, appointments, kids’ activities, etc) and would be left stranded, and I can’t do the kids’ math, either, and I’d like to move out but with my Asperger’s and no job, life, or social skills I can’t survive on my own, so I’m trapped in a situation I hate but am powerless to change, escape, or do anything about. I fantasize of the least painful way to commit suicide and want out of this life and this family but at the same time know it’s impossible and  things will never change and the only way out is when I’m dead.It’s also so unfair that young people die that cling so desperately to live and don’t and I wish I WAS dead and I’m not; I would trade with them in an instant if I could and every night I pray and beg and plead to God to take me in my sleep but He never does and every morning I wake up pissed off I’m still alive. What have I done to deserve this life and this misery, and it’s even worse with no way out.Can’t I just die already?