Fail.

 With my mother laid up in bed for 3 days I had to do all the work myself(hers and mine); 2 people’s work all on my own and it was overwhelming and too much all for one person and she crowed,”You DO need me!” rubbing it in my face, but it’s not necessarily HER specifically, just someone else to help, to divide up the work(I could hire someone to help out,too, it would be the same thing) it’s just that it’s all too much for one person,(and I resent  her for leaving me to do everything by myself too;it’s too much) but my family acts like because I’m not capable of running the house and doing all the work all on my own without any help  that I’m useless and incapable and because I need help that I’m “lazy” but that because my mother needs help that she’s “old” and “it’s called helping out” and the kids said that they missed her but when I’m not here they don’t miss me, and the 13 YR old said SHE “does all the background work….and all the front ground work,too” implying I do nothing,and am merely a background character,and it’s hurtful. They treat me like I’m a piece of furniture and I’m sick of it.

The 2 oldest also left after a brief visit,and went back as they have to get ready for school, and  the other kids are so eager for our homeschooling year to start  that they’ve already started working ahead on their lessons on their own(the 9 YR old’s already up to page 29!) and my hubby’s mad and yelling at me that I’m lazy that I’m not marking it yet and waiting until I officially start school on Tuesday(I’ll check it then) but I’m still on my summer vacation,but I’m not starting until next WK, and all I ever wanted in life was to have kids; it was my dream and I even failed at that,too, and regret it and now I wish I never did.My whole life is a failure and disappointment and I was better off before: before when I was single, before  I settled for my hubby and had kids and all the traumas(all related to him and them; if I’d never met him or had kids they never would have happened,either) started; before having a family was all I wanted(but I didn’t know it would be like this,either or I would have changed my mind) and now I can’t wait to get away from them. I was happy before and  now I have a miserable life; my kids hate me and disrespect me and treat me like shit, I have an unhappy loveless marriage and am emotionally abused,I feel trapped and defeated,I live in a place I hate but can’t afford to move,and I wish I had someone else’s life, or at least the life that I had before.My spirit has been destroyed.

Epic fail.

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