Another of the orphaned baby mice I’m trying to save died;that’s 3 that died and only 2 left now, that’s a rate of one a day.The 14 YR old also has his annual oncologist’s app’t next week and I’m always worried it’ll show the cancer has returned(it’s been 7 YRS since he was diagnosed) and it’s always a huge sigh of relief when it’s over and his blood counts are ok, and he was jumping on the sofa(and my mother was just sitting there and let him,too, and never said anything,and then smirked to me,”I thought I’m not allowed to say anything!”) like it’s a trampoline(even though we do HAVE a trampoline!) and he should know better and then when I scolded him he was mouthing off at me,and we have that blasted “schwa” sound in the school lessons again and I can’t for the LIFE of me figure out WHAT the hell they’re talking about(neither can my hubby, either, and he’s the smart one!) that stupid thing that looks like an upside-down “e” and none of the words they mentioned even HAVE a “schwa” sound IN them(like “pencil” for example….WTF?) so we just skipped it! I never even learned that in school and I survived fine without it….
It also irks me to no end the disgusting gutteral animal sounds my hubby always makes, like when he’s working up a huge hork wad(he’s such a pig) and my mother’s excuse for always meddling and over-stepping boundaries with my kids is,”I AM allowed to have an opinion!”(and I tell her,”But you’re NOT allowed to interfere!”) and I hate it how she still thinks Halloween is ok even though it’s occult and glorifies Satan and the demons but she never DID care about what God says, even though the Bible clearly states we are to avoid EVERYTHING to DO with the occult, and my hubby said once the 13 YR old moves out for university(in 5-6 YRS) we’ll downsize and move into a smaller house( only 4 bedrooms instead of 7 like we have now) but I doubt we’ll be able to even sell this shit-hole; the kids have wrecked it, and I hate this town and I hate this house and I can’t wait to leave but with MY “luck” I probably never will and will likely die here and never be able to fulfill my dream of escaping this hell-hole,and I saw on the news the gays are now trying to ban people from using the phrase,”That’s so gay!” even though it’s not even used in that context(referring to homosexuals) and they’re too sensitive and really have to get OVER themselves! NOT everything has to be a gay issue all the time!
I also went to Confession to confess my lustful thoughts I have about Shaun T when I see him on TV as my hubby and kids do their daily intense exercise regimen and the priest is so strict he gave me 3 Hail Marys, 3 Our Fathers AND an Act Of Contrition just for that! Gee, I wonder what I would have gotten if I’d actually committed an ACT of fornication(not that I would)? I worry I’ll be overlooked in Heaven as well just as I am in life; always coming last, not being good enough, being left out, forgotten, not included,; that that won’t work out for me,either,something else that won’t go right for me, and due to my Asperger’s, growing up without love ,being rejected and bullied, and suffering thru several traumas I’m in a state of perpetual childlikeness,longing for a place to call home, a need for security and love,have no life tools or life skills,can’t provide a livelihood for myself,am dependent and emotionally stunted,can’t function as an independent adult, and it isolates me from meaningful human connection with anyone, and I’m trapped in a miserable life and situation I’m unable to change or escape, and when people say how this country sucks and they hate it the typical reply is “Go back where you came from!” except I’m FROM here and I STILL think it sucks and wish I COULD leave but I can’t afford to move,so what am *I* supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go? I have no place to go “back” TO!