Godless Heathen!

 I don’t think I’ve ever been madder at my hubby or hated him more than I am and do now! He knows how I feel about evil Hallowe’en, how I avoid it due to it’s occult nature (as does our kids church youth group,and they even gave a speech to the kids on why it glorifies Satan and the demons and why they shouldn’t celebrate it,and it was the same with our homeschooling group as well) yet he continues to hassle me about it, even going as far as to threaten to take the kids out trick-or -treating on Hallowe’en to spite me; letting the kids get dressed up and get candy, but OVER MY DEAD BODY!! There’s no way in hell I’m letting them go! I’m trying my best to raise the kids godly, to have them avoid the occult and stay unstained from the world and it’s bad enough he’s already trying to turn them into white trash rednecks like he is but he’s NOT turning them away from God and to the occult! I don’t care WHAT I have to do; there’s no way they’re taking part in celebrating ANY of it and I’m so sick of always being dismissed, over-ruled, and undermined and he always sabotages me at every turn! He’s a godless heathen that never did care about what God wants but the religious upbringing of my kids is my entire life and I dedicate myself to it and there’s no way I’m letting him interfere or ruin it and they’re MY kids too and I DO have some say and they’re NOT participating in evil!

His excuse is it’s just “harmless fun” and it’s “stupid” I “let them dress up on other days but not on Hallowe’en” but we’re told in the Bible to avoid everything to do with the occult,and it’s not “harmless fun”; that’s what Satan wants us to think; he’s very clever and crafty that way; he disguises evil and makes it LOOK harmless, fun,and enticing; that’s how he sucks you in,and once you open the “door” even a crack to the dark side, it makes it easier for the demons to take hold of your life. It’s like if you dress up a pig in fine jewellery and clothing underneath it’s still a pig; you can dress up evil and make it look fun and innocent but underneath it’s still evil; it still doesn’t change what it really is. It works the same way with other sins as well such as illicit sex, alcohol,drugs,gambling,etc .The rest of the world does it, it looks like “fun”, you have a good time,party, etc. but really it’s harmful to you,separates you from God, endangers your eternal soul, makes it less likely you’ll make it to Heaven, and is best left alone. It’s the same with the occult,and once you start a little it graduates to more and more. It’s best to avoid it completely.

My hubby has done many,many things to betray my trust and faith in him but if he does this then this will be the worst. If I was able to survive on my own(if I didn’t have the limits of Asperger’s) I would leave him right now,move out, and file for divorce. This would be the last straw.That’s how seriously I take this , how much it means to me and how strongly I feel about it.This would be the ultimate unforgivable betrayal. I raise my kids the way God wants and don’t follow the world and certainly won’t allow them to do anything with any occult undertones and will defend it with my life. If he forces the kids to partake in occult Hallowe’en(even though they told me they also refuse to have anything to do with it; they know it’s evil,too) it will push me over the edge and who knows what I’ll do.I’ll die first before I’ll let them have anything to do with it. I swear, meeting him was the worst thing to happen to me and my biggest regret; he’s ruined my life and made me miserable. My mother also sneered that everything IS always my fault all the time too,and then they wonder WHY I hate my life and this family, why I feel so trapped and want to leave.

The Diary.

 I remember in 1984 when I was 17 I moved to California and I was  poking around the garage in our house and I found this old diary from a woman who had died and and lived there before. It was from the 1920’s and I began reading it. It was fascinating to read about a person’s life so long ago, some 60 YRS earlier. She wrote of a wealthy woman’s life of leisure, of lounging by the pool, of meeting up with her friends, having tea, going to restaurants to eat, and mentioning the earthquakes she experienced. It was like stepping back into time, a piece of history and I really enjoyed reading it. Ever since 1980(when I was 13) I have kept diaries of my own, faithfully right to this day but sadly this YR’s is my last as no one makes them anymore and I looked everywhere; in stores and even online and they just aren’t available, at least not the traditional ones I’ve been using with individual pages for each day with the dates marked on them and with a lock and key.What I have to do is just buy another sort of journal notebook and put in  my own dates I guess but it saddens me as it sort of feels like an end of an era. I have been keeping diaries as a way to document my life , to remember events both good and bad and as a way to “purge” myself of my emotions and also as a legacy for my kids, to learn of their history and past.

As well, I still haven’t heard back yet about my MRI app’t, our church youth group isn’t having a  Hallowe’en party tonight  and I’m glad, and the leaders even told the kids the evils of it and why they shouldn’t be celebrating it, and I read that the Russian Orthodox Church is trying to ban it in Russia as well due to it’s occult nature and culture of death it promotes  and that it’s only been celebrated there for the past 20 YRS since the fall of the former Soviet Union(it’s a Western holiday that they just recently started) and since 2003 the Moscow district school board has banned their schools from celebrating it and from having Hallowe’en parties….and THEY’RE supposed to be the “atheists?”  Good for them! I think here should take a lesson from them! They should be banning it here too, but instead here they don’t allow schools to have Christmas pageants that honour God but DO allow Hallowe’en parties that celebrate Satan, and the Russians  were better under Soviet rule; not only did they not have the occult influence of the West, but they also had much less crime,too; now it’s practically run by the Mafia and there wasn’t the poverty then like  they have now,either! I was there in 1985 and it was alot different than it is now and I don’t like what’s happened to it!

I was also disgusted to see  photos of my cousin’s 11 YR old daughter from when they were on a cruise(they go twice a YR) and she was wearing high heels and a mini skirt up to her thigh, a strapless mini dress, and a bikini.She looked like a mini hooker to be honest and that’s no way to let your kid dress! I couldn’t believe it! I wouldn’t be surprised if she ends up pregnant at 13.Why can’t kids just be KIDS? What kind of person lets their kid dress up like a hooker? I’m disappointed in my cousin.She never used to be like that( she used to be a nerd!) and she was wearing a too- short black lace  slutty dress herself.Maybe she turned into a slut after she left her husband? Bad example…what’s happened to her?


 Yesterday while I was sitting out on the front veranda(it was a balmy 20 C and the kids said “It’s too hot!” are they KIDDING? It was wonderful!!) I was “ambushed” by 2 LDS (“Mormon”) missionaries  and I was “cornered” and couldn’t run into the house and leave( as that would be rude) and had no place to hide so I was basically “stuck” there and had to talk to them. It was my hubby’s fault, really; they have been coming around for awhile and he talks to them and told them to come back any time,which I don’t think is fair to them as it “leads them on”; giving them false hope, so afterwards I gave him the Evil Eye and tried to bore a hole into the centre of his forehead with my mind for setting me up. As you may know, about 10 YRS ago I joined the LDS church but left  7 YRS ago to return to the Catholic Church and I was hoping when I told them that that they would go away but they didn’t and asked me why I left,interrogating me, so I told them(even though I hadn’t planned on bringing it up),and we ended up having quite a lively 30 min. discussion about that and about God,and  religion(my mother was there the whole time and said ,”They must think you’re opinionated!” but they ASKED so I told them!) and I let them know what I believe,too, and perhaps maybe I even “converted” THEM ( ha ha) but  I was polite and respectful about it, and I told them I still do respect the Mormons and admire their high moral character, clean living and pro-life, pro-family stance, but that it just wasn’t for me due to the other issues I had. My hubby said that their church was “funner”(then RC) but then why didn’t HE ever get baptized into it then,and besides, you don’t go to church to be “entertained”; you go to worship GOD,and if you don’t fully believe 100% in your heart then you shouldn’t really be there, and there were just too many strange things and things I felt were blasphemous and that contradicted the Bible(and too much emphasis on the Book Of Mormon above the Bible) and I thought Joseph Smith was a fraud, for example,and if I didn’t believe certain things(some that were the basis of the church) it didn’t feel right being there or bringing my kids up in it and I don’t think there’s just one “true” church and that all the others are “wrong”(I mean, doesn’t EVERY religion think that THEY are the one true right one?) and that instead there are many paths to God(as long as you don’t worship idols or any other false gods), just different ways of worshipping Him.

As well,my hubby grumbled he’s “Tired of everyone always asking him everything all the time” and I told him then maybe he shouldn’t have had kids then, I heard the new passports aren’t going to have the fingerprints and retinal scans on them afterall, thank God,but  they’re going to have images of redneck loser hockey on them(spare me!) and I never got my magazine in the mail yet this month ether and it usually comes on the 21st or 22nd so I e-mailed them and they said it was sent out so if it doesn’t come next week they’ll send me out a replacement issue, but doesn’t it figure though; it likely got delivered to the wrong address or lost or stolen in the mail,my mother and the 16 YR old are going  back to the Caribbean next weekend and there’s this massive hurricane there that’s turning into this Super Storm, they’re calling the Storm Of The Century and they say it’ll hit the worst here on occult Hallowe’en so it’ll be a wash-out for the little Satanists( ha ha!) so maybe God’s way of putting a damper on Satan’s celebration, and next door only 2 of the guys working on their veranda actually ever do any work and the other 3 just stand around watching and do nothing; it’s like the 3 stooges(in this case the 5 stooges) and they got the wrong size wood and had to go back and exchange it and one of them hit his thumb with a hammer; I swear the dumb rednecks here are just sooo inept and stupid,and the plumbers were over there all day , too, so I guess they still don’t have any drainage, and my friend from grade 10 married an American a couple of months ago and sold her house here a couple of weeks ago and they moved there( I mean, who’d want to live in this country, right?) but now there’s a problem with immigration and she had to come back(he’s still  there) and has to stay with family now  and work it out from this end and if I was her I’d just go over there as a visitor and just stay there! What a hassle!

Memories Of Fall.

 I have always loved fall. I love the beautiful leaves, the crisp cool air, the smell of wet leaves, and the memories it brings back of autumns of my childhood.The only thing I don’t like about it is occult Hallowe’en is in October. The photo seen here is of the maple tree next door which is now 3/4 devoid of leaves. I have happy childhood memories of walking to and from school in fall, looking at the pretty leaves, walking thru the leaves, rustling at my feet, jumping in piles of leaves,cat shit sticking to me, and of the smell of wet leaves in the rain. I remember sitting on a roof behind my school at recess and lunch in the fall, in peaceful solitude, watching the squirrels gather nuts, climbing the trees(both the squirrels and myself), as I also gathered acorns and chestnuts.(I still like to watch the squirrels today!)It brings back fond memories,and I actually liked school up to and incl. age 12; the bullying started at age 13. I am also grateful and thankful for small blessings, gifts,and mercies as well; for the beauty of fall leaves, for sparkling snow, for the sun on my face, for chirping crickets, for singing birds, for reading a good book, for when the now-18 YR old smiles at me or isn’t mean, for when something goes right(as it rarely does), for when the 5 YR old sits on my lap(as he hardly ever does),for a good day(I rarely have), for happy memories, etc.

As well, it was 22 C yesterday and felt like 26 C and we broke a 49 YR record high !  The neighbours are getting a new veranda built and said it costs 10 000$ and the owner already put 50 000$ into fixing the slum and I wonder where in the hell people GET that kind of money FROM and my mother said when we’ll be short of $$$ soon that she might have to go and get a job at Wal-Mart or something to bring in the extra $ to make up for it so we can afford food,and the kids raked leaves and got so many bags and the 18 YR old griped it’s a “dictatorship” and how come I didn’t do any and I told him with my bad back I can’t bend over and my hubby told him,”That’s why we have kids!”( to do the work) and I told him if he doesn’t like it he can always move out and he told me “Stop whining!” and I told HIM,”The only one whining is YOU!”

I also had weird dreams: that someone jumped over our backyard fence and smashed all our garden gnomes and statues(which are now  safely “hibernating” in the shed for winter) and that I was on a Toronto streetcar and the fare was only 75 cents when in actual fact it’s now about 3 $ each way,and even though I haven’t forgotten the rude, pushy people there or all the crime(the reasons we left in the first place) I still do miss the city and want to return there, and I don’t know WHAT  I’m more sick of always hearing about all the time, either: Hallowe’en, the American election coverage, hockey, baseball, or football, but luckily soon ALL of them will be OVER with and I can hardly WAIT! Enough already and there are alot more important things going on in the world that take priority and that should be taking precedent.