The kids didn’t go to Cadets last night as it was the Devil’s Day and they had a Hallowe’en party, and a day we stayed indoors, kept the lights turned off, didn’t answer the door, shut ourselves off from the world, avoided completely,shutting it all out, and just waited for it all to pass. It was also cancelled in New Jersey due to the hurricane and too bad it wasn’t cancelled everywhere,and the Catholic Bishop in Poland warned of it’s evils and spiritual dangers as well. The 14 YR old was also being mouthy and disrespectful(as always) and when I told him to stop being obnoxious he sneered,”I’m not obnoxious; I’m intelligent; you’re just not smart enough to know the difference!” and when the 5 YR old was being bad he spat,”Why don’t you discipline your children?” (starting with HIM how about?)and of course my hubby didn’t care; he lets them talk to me like that. I figure as well my boobs easily weigh at least 5 pounds each and when I get my reduction and my belly flab removed in surgery I’ll easily lose at least 20 pounds, and the 9 YR old told me she actually LIKES my double chin. Ugh. I was just mortified.
My mother snorted as well I “have some weird ideas, just like my father!” because I stand up for what I believe in, don’t let the authorities oppress and control me,speak out against injustice, protest and boycott when necessary,reject sin, and remain unstained from the world, and I’m also tired of everything in the house broken and a piece of shit and my hubby scoffed what do I expect when the house is 100 years old except the kitchen cupboards and the stove for example aren’t that old and they’re still crap and I hate always living sub-standard,I heard a beautiful Sanskrit Damodaraskatam prayer sung to music and it was enchanting and moved me to tears and I wish I could sing Sanskrit like that, I still haven’t heard back about my MRI app’t yet and I feel I’ve been “had” by my doctor; I told her I didn’t want Ativan for my anxiety again as I didn’t like the way it made me feel, all loopy and spacey so this time she gave me a prescription for Lorazapam but when I Googled it for more info I found out it’s the SAME THING, just another name so now I feel deceived.It figures.
The 14 YR old also snickered that even if I WAS someone else and lived somewhere else that I’d still complain but it’s not true; I was happy when I lived in the city, and I’m mad the kids are selling poppies for Cadets as they said it also supports the soldiers in Afghanistan who had no right to be there in an unjust war in the first place, killing innocent civilians, and they shouldn’t be supporting killing and war(remember, Jesus was non-violent!) but of course no one ever listens to me or takes anything I say or believe in seriously and just dismisses me, and my mother couldn’t find the TV remote so I told her, “You didn’t look hard enough” like she always tells me when I can’t find something only she didn’t like it when I said it to HER (she’s always making snide remarks and snarky comments to me) and then she huffs,”I won’t watch the show then!” and I told her, “I don’t care if you watch it or not!” and she goes, “I don’t care that YOU don’t care!” and sobs *I* always put HER down(when in actual fact she’s talking about what SHE always does to ME!) and stomps off sulking! She’s just so childish and petty and I can’t wait until she’s gone on her trip for a week! (she leaves this weekend!)and even the 9 YR old said she’ll be glad to get a break from her meddling! She also snickered I shouldn’t worry about our financial crisis and maybe being forced to move until it actually happens and that she “doesn’t want to keep hearing about it all the time!” and she “doesn’t want to listen!” so I have no one to confide in about it and am all alone in my worries, concerns,and fears which only makes my stress and anxiety all that much worse.