City TV 40 And Fab!

 Toronto’s City TV is 40 YRS old! That’s just 5 YRS younger than me,and I remember watching it growing up, not only as my mother watched the news(and we’re back to watching it again now,too after many YRS away) but also “Electric Circus”, “City Pulse” , “Speaker’s Corner”, etc. and I still remember the personalities from past as well, esp. from the 80’s such as Monika Deol, Denise Donlon, Erica Ehm, Dini Petty,  and the “hunk” JD Roberts(who now lives and works in USA)Thinking back on all those YRS brings back happy nostalgic memories of my childhood and teen YRS and makes me miss the city I grew up in and wish I could move back to,but where I’d really want to move  is to leave Canada as I hate this country; too intrusive(and worsening) Big Brother regulations( Democratic dictatorship), high taxes and high cost of living, limited selection of goods , loss of privacy,rights,and freedoms more and more all the time,police brutality, human rights violations(eg. esp.  to Native People, prisoners, people in mental institutions, old age homes,the poor, in police custody, foster care,protesters, G20 Summit participants,etc.) racist anti-immigration attitudes,etc. I really do miss my past though and wish I could go back to a time when I was happy. I’m just too tattered, broken, wounded, damaged,and  scarred now.I can never be happy again and will always just be stuck. I will never be able to move past or to move on.Too bad I couldn’t time travel and go back to the 70’s. For now I just have to live in my head.

As well, I don’t miss my mother not being here(she’s on her trip); it’s a nice break for me without her and her caustic critical attitude, and I don’t even notice the 16 YR old’s not here as I never see her anyway, always up in her bedroom all the time,anyway, and I’m ok doing everything all on my own, doing 2 people’s work all by myself(the kids just resent I make everyone  wash their own dishes)my own regular work as well as hers; I just take one day at a time, and I’m more capable than I thought(and my anti-anxiety pills help,too!)and I finally got my MRI app’t: it’s in 3 weeks and I just  have to get more  bloodwork again next week(I last got it done  in May before my surgery but they said that was too long ago) as they want to test my kidney function,and on the form the doc checked “male” for my gender, so I guess I’m so ugly they can’t tell the difference what gender I am. It figures.Epic fail.