CSI Miami.

CSIMiami I am currently watching re-runs of CSI Miami as it’s no longer in production, having ended it’s 10 YR run last YR. I watch it not only because it’s a good show(and I can often figure out who the murderer is,too) but I also like how the characters who work together in the crime unit genuinely care about one another and love eachother like family,and how much Eric loves Calleigh(I wish someone loved me like that!) is touching and heart warming to see and I like seeing that, esp. as I don’t see it myself in real life so seeing it on TV or in movies or reading it in books is as close as I’m going to get. Our 16 YR old also is thinking that she might be a criminal profiler when she grows up as well, like the kind that work with the FBI and do psychological profiles on the bad guys and figure out what kind of people they are and how they think. She is already taking an online course in psychology from a university along with her highschool curriculum to prepare for it.

It’s interesting as well my mother told me that relatives on her side of the family( except for herself) were boisterous,loud, huggy and kissy Europeans who loved to show physical affection but I never knew her parents(my grandparents) as they died when I was really young, yet on my father’s side they were the exact opposite; reserved stoic Europeans who never showed affection or emotion, yet it was these grandparents that I still knew and loved and visited weekly as a child(even though I never saw my father from when I was 2 YRS old) and even as a teen they lived fairly close to my school and I would often visit them,walking up on the way home from school.

I also ordered Journey concert tickets for the summer and I’m excited as they were one of my fave. bands from the 80’s, and the snow WAS almost gone but now we’re getting a snow storm and supposed to get 15 cm, the 9 YR old heard “golden shower” and said “That sounds beautiful and would go nicely with a golden sink and a golden toilet!” and I nearly died laughing, the 5 YR old told her, “DIE!” when they had a fight( he’s disturbed!) and they cut the ends off their hotdog weiners and I joke they “circumcize” them, the 16 YR old’s piano teacher left on a safari to Kenya and I’ve always wanted to go there or South Africa on Safari(esp. to see hippos!) too,and I’ve just been to North Africa a couple of times but not other parts,at least not yet, and I heard “March Madness” on the news and had no idea what it was and it ended up being stupid basketball but it sounds like it would be some sort of sale from a big chain furniture or electronics store, as in, “March Madness sale! One week only! Everything 40% off!”

The 15 YR old also screamed at me, “Go F*CK yourself!!” and his excuse was I’m “so annoying”  and I’m so tired of always being demeaned by my family, my marginalized status and feeling like a stranger in my own family and I seriously wonder why I even HAD kids,and I’ve had more than enough shit in my life between my medical,mental and emotional limits,growing up unwanted,rejected and without love, being molested as a child by a relative, being bullied and victimized for YRS in school, our fire, having to flee our home due to being threatened by Those Whom We Don’t Speak Of, our son having cancer,other tragedies not mentioned, etc. and all the traumas in my life making me damaged, broken and defective beyond repair, so much so I’d be better off dead, and then to NOT have family support on TOP on that, to be blamed for it, and be ridiculed and mocked by my own family as well and to have my own KIDS treat me like dirt is just more than I can take and I can’t even begin to describe how that makes me feel.