My Friend Sergei.

Letter(new) “Dear Sergei, I wish I knew what happened to you….”

Back in the mid-1980’s after I went to Russia I had a friend named Sergei and we used to correspond by letters by mail as this was before Facebook and e-mail. We were good friends and I always looked forward to his letters which arrived generally every 1-2 months. We sent photos and talked about many things, incl. his family’s move to eastern Russia,his army service, and he consoled me during my heartache when the guy I loved and hoped to marry ended up not loving me,and later as well when he counselled me not to marry someone that I didn’t love,and we were also  both an Only Child and shared a special bond and understanding that only an Only Child knows.

The last time I’d heard from him was in 1989 when I was expecting my first child and he was in Afghanistan fighting with the Russian army. Previously when he turned 18 he had to join the army as it was compulsory under the old Soviet regime( I don’t know if it still is) but he continued to send me letters while he was in the army even so,telling me of his experience there, although the letters were re-routed  thru an army base in East Germany(as it was secret and I couldn’t know where he was stationed) but then one day all of a sudden the letters just stopped(when he was sent to the war in Afghanistan) and I never heard from him again,and at the same time the connection was broken and I couldn’t “feel” him anymore ,either, and I had an ominous feeling that he’d been killed. To this day I never did find out what happened to him, but it wasn’t like him to just stop writing like that. Even to this day I still wonder what happened to him and my heart feels heavy when I think about it. He was only 18 YRS old. Too young to die. He’d be 42 YRS old now if he’s still alive and I hope to God that he is and I pray that he’s happy, healthy and has a good life. It’s been 24 YRS and I still think about him, wonder what happened, and miss him.

I miss my friend. I miss the 80’s.

I wish I could go back.


Sunburn Yesterday it was a glorious 22 C! We were all outside all day and I was out there with my mat and my oil and officially begun my suntanning season! I was suntanning for 2 1/2 HRS and got a sunburn! Now it feels all red, tight, stinging,and hot. I have been sitting out in the sun for awhile now and already have tan on my face and arms but not trying to get a tan and not laying out in the sun with my oil and arms,legs, back,and chest(UPPER chest, that is; I wear a tank top, so don’t get any rude ideas) exposed,so this is my first real exposure. I have to build it up now and get a base tan and then it will get a nice deep dark golden brown but in the beginning of the season it always starts off as a burn on fresh “virgin” skin until it builds up a tolerance and gets used to it. It’s supposed to be 18 C-19 C every day this week so unless it rains I’ll be out there working on my tan 2 HRS every day to build up my tan from now on. I’ve never used a tanning bed; I figure why pay for it when I can use the sun for FREE!

They say suntanning causes cancer but they say *everything* causes cancer; breathing, eating, etc. Sunlight is also healthy and  good for you,incl. vitamin D. I don’t drink, smoke, or take drugs; tanning is my only “vice” and it’s very relaxing and helps me de-stress. It also helps me not feel  as tired and sluggish and I look and feel healthier with a nice tan, and not so pasty white like in the winter and believe me, I need all the help I can GET! My secret? Mix baby oil with iodine; it’s cheaper than buying suntan oil and it makes a nice dark tan.A tan also gives the illusion of you looking thinner,too, an added bonus! 🙂

Chihuahua Love.

ChiForBlog I love Chihuahuas. I have totally had 7 of them over my lifetime, from when I was 12 until I was 23. I really miss them and want to have another one again but my hubby forbids any more pets saying they’re too much trouble. It’s been 2 YRS since we had dogs and there’s a local ad in the paper about Chihuahuas for sale and I finally got up the “nerve” to tell my hubby about it(and that I want one) well, sort of….I told him by e-mail( because I’m “scared” to ask him to his face, fearing his reaction knowing he’ll just say no and my heart will break) but he still hasn’t replied yet, so either he hasn’t read it yet or he’s  just dodging me. I hope he changes his mind though, esp. because it means so much so much to me, it’s the only thing I want,and I already have the $$$$ saved up from before, the kids are older now, and spring is a good time to begin training outdoors,too.

Having a Chihuahua again will be a reminder of a happy time in my life, the closest thing I can get to reliving and recapturing happy memories again, and the only “link” to my past now(so it’s more than just a dog). They were easy to train as well, not like our Pugs and Shih Tzus(maybe they’re just a smarter breed ?) and Teeniea, Chrissy, Chibby(who looked exactly like the one pictured here!), Hasan, Jameel, and Sheenay were all paper trained, and Yuri was housebroken to “go” outside. None of them were aggressive either, whereas we did have a Pug and a Shih Tzu that were mean and growled at us and bit us.I have nothing but good experiences and happy memories with my Chihuahuas and I want to re-experience it  once again.

Before my hubby had said that maybe later in about 5 YRS or so when most of the kids have moved out  and we only have 3 of them left at home and they’re older and we “have more time” that he MIGHT consider getting another dog but I have always had a “feeling” that I’ll die before I’m 50 (I’m 46 now) and if that’s true then I won’t be alive by then to see it and I’ll miss out, but if we get one now I’ll still have 4 YRS to enjoy. Of course  the way things go for me I expect he’ll flatly refuse(and likely scream at me and chew me out for good measure!), and this is yet another reason I wish I could live on my own,too, then I could just do what I want; I could just get one and not have to” answer” to anyone,depend on anyone, or need anyone’s “permission”.I feel like a little kid; my wants,needs,necessities,and desires are all dependent on his and my mother’s whims,approval, and decisions; I have no “say” and am easily shot down, denied, vetoed, and over-ruled.I feel so helpless and trapped. DAMN Asperger’s!


As well, we had to get a new remote control for the TV as the old one “died”; we were stuck on one channel and it wouldn’t change channels and the new one cost 80$! Holy shit! It had to be a certain one,too; one that was compatible with the TV ,satellite and PVR. I couldn’t believe it; 80$ just for a remote control?

Am I Being Poisoned?

Arsenic I noticed I have ridges and lines on my fingernails that weren’t there before and I remembered on a crime show I saw recently they said it was a sign of arsenic poisoning so I had the fleeting passing thought maybe I’m being poisoned as unlikely as it seems but just out of curiousity I Googled symptoms of arsenic poisoning and I was stunned that they matched the same symptoms I’ve been suffering forever(and symptoms that are bringing me to see the neurologist next month): headaches, lethargy and fatigue,tingling in hands, muscle aches, high BP, brain “fog” and confusion, diarrhea, high BP,and now stomach pain,too!(then leading to convulsions, kidney failure, coma, and death.) Maybe it’s also due to a medical condition but the coincidence is too much to be ignored…..

In the unlikely event I AM actually being poisoned then the question remains: by WHOM and why? I know it sounds crazy, paranoid and far-fetched, but both my mother and my hubby DO hate me…..but enough to KILL me? This thought fills me with so much shock, surprise,hurt,fear,and dread it’s just incomprehensible! My hubby does have a life insurance policy out on me but he doesn’t handle any of my food(or anybody’s food for that matter) so he’s not very likely. I prepare most of my own food, however, my mother does at times make food and asks me,”Hey, I’m making grilled cheese! Do you want one?” and I’ll say,”Sure!” and she’ll leave it on my place-setting on the table, so she does sometimes have access to my food, so it is possible, but the only thing I consume that no one else does is mango nectar; I put it in my daily morning smoothie,so if anyone is poisoning me the most likely place to put the poison would be in the carton of mango nectar since I’m the only one that drinks it(so no  one else would accidently ingest the poison by mistake) and for the past few days my stomach’s hurt and been unsettled so I haven’t had the smoothie and my mother HAS kept asking me why I haven’t had it(suspicious? perhaps…) and come to think of it whenever I’ve offered her some of it before she’s never drank it; just said to leave it on the table for her but I’ve never actually SEEN her drink it!

Needless to say, this is really freaking me out. Just in case I’m going to be really vigilant about my food from now on and who has access to it. I’m also NOT going to have my smoothies or mango nectar anymore and see if I start to feel any better.Maybe I’m just watching too many crime shows on TV, or maybe my family’s ganging-up on me and constantly putting me down has made me paranoid,or it’s an incredible coincidence, I don’t know, but what if it IS true? We DO have this product called Ant-B-Gon we use to get rid of ants and maybe it has arsenic in it and someone’s putting drops of it in my food, or maybe something else in the house has arsenic in it and I somehow ingested it by accident, or maybe someone really IS trying to kill me?


As well, when I said I prefer to ride horses bareback( that is, without a saddle) the 9 YR old thought I meant naked, as in bare naked, and my mother thought she’d get 1500$ refund from income tax but it ends up she has to PAY them 900$! I HATE this country so MUCH! The gov’t is nothing but greedy crooks and thieves, always stealing our $$$, robbing us blind,ripping us off, and cheating us! Canada sucks! I wish I could get myself deported! I hate it here so much but I’m so poor I can’t AFFORD to move!!

Dole Pineapple Whip Recipe.

DolePineappleWhipDOLE WHIP
2 cans (20 oz. each) DOLE crushed pineapple
2 tbsp. lemon juice
2 tbsp. lime juice
1/3 cup sugar
1 1/2 cups heavy whipping cream

How to make it
Drain pineapple: reserve 2 tbsp. juice.
Set aside.
Place pineapple, lemon juice, lime juice, sugar and reserved pineapple juice in blender.
Cover and blend until smooth.
Pour into two 1-quart freezer zipped bags.
Store bags flat in freezer.
Freeze 1 1/2 hours or until slushy.
Stir pineapple slush gently into whipped cream until slightly blended in large bowl. Return to freezer until completely frozen, about 1 hour and serve.

I had this at a pineapple plantation when I was in Hawaii. It was sooooooo GOOD! It was pure sweet delightful HEAVEN!!