Home Alone.

HomeAlone My hubby and mother have been away for 3 days leaving me home alone. Well, not exactly alone; the kids are here, but alone as in I’m in charge, the only one doing all the work, calling all the shots,running the show. It WAS nice having a break from them for 3 days, without them here hassling me, criticizing me ,insulting me,and always giving me a hard time, and without her always taking over,interfering, over stepping boundaries,and meddling all the time, but it was hard doing both my mother’s and my work all by myself as it’s simply just too much of a workload for just one person.The kids also kept comparing me to my mother and how she does things,preferring her way to mine(as she does more for them) making me feel inferior,although they DID like the way I cook the chicken better; I cook it crispier and I’m more generous with serving helpings.

The kids hated how I made them each wash their own dishes( whereas my mother always does it for them) and put their own laundry away( I would do the laundry but they’d each have to put their own clean clothes away in their rooms afterwards unlike her who puts it away for them), that I only cook one meal per meal(my mother would cook special separate meals for the picky eaters who didn’t like what was being served) as it’s not a restaurant; you either eat what’s served or make something else yourself; take it or leave it, eat it or starve, that I made them pick up after themselves and clean up their own mess(they had to put garbage in the garbage can and not leave it on the floor) as I’m not a slave and if they made the mess they can clean it, that I didn’t let them put their feet up on the table like my hubby does, or let them say inappropriate words like” n*gger”, and made them help out more, do more things for themselves, and be more self-sufficient.The 6 YR old also didn’t like it that I actually disciplined him and didn’t let him get away with everything like my mother and hubby always do.I make him tow the line and run a tight ship!

One clever way the kids got out of having to wash their own dishes is by not finishing their meal and leaving food on their plate or dish and leaving it on their place setting on the table so that there wasn’t an empty dish or plate to be washed, or by simply hiding the used dishes in their rooms where I won’t see it. It astounds me the great lengths they’ll go to to avoid doing work; how far they’ll go in being lazy.My oldest commented that he thinks they’ll(my kids) likely either end up not having kids or end up letting their kids do whatever they want based on how horrible they themselves are as kids. I told him the best bet’s not to have kids as it’s just not worth all the trouble,aggravation, and stress, and that I wouldn’t have if I knew what it would be like ahead of time. I’d always heard that having kids brings you happiness, joy, fulfullment,purpose,and meaning in life but so far I have yet to experience it and find it; all I ever get is the hassle and the shit.

I’m also so tired of my family always criticizing me for who I am, telling me what to do and how I should be,wanting me to be someone else(I wish I was someone else, too, but it’s impossible) esp. when I always fall short. Even when I’m not home alone I still always FEEL home alone. Even with a house full of people I feel so alone, even more alone than I feel when I’m by myself. I feel like an outcast and an outsider in my own family.