Yen.

Yen This is a picture of actual Japanese Yen. Our second-oldest got a bunch of it to take over with her to get started when she moves over to Japan to teach English next month. This has been her life-long dream for YRS to live there and an opportunity of a lifetime. She’ll be living the life I wish I had,too; I wish I could leave this country as well( that I despise) and live elsewhere except I have no $$$. More proof of how inept this place is: she called Service Ontario to inform them about her health card, that she’ll be out of the country for 1-2 YRS(although I’ve always had a “feeling” that she’ll end up meeting and marrying a Japanese guy and staying there and raising a family) and asked what she had to do to “deactivate” her health card but they said it was too complicated for them here and they didn’t know and that she had to go into a bigger city to do it(so she just won’t bother; why even bother? If she’s not here she  won’t be using her health card,anyway). Seriously? People here are just so incompetent! It’s not like she’s the first person to ever leave the country! There are LOTS of ex-pats out there(and with GOOD reason!!) The 18 YR old also(just to annoy me) likes to goad me that he “likes Canada” just to get me all riled up even though he doesn’t know anything different; even though I DID take him across Europe when he was 10 YRS old he doesn’t really remember much of it because he was so tired with the time change that he slept thru most of it!

As well, my hubby booked a booking with our home business during the week we have planned in August to take off to keep clear to go to the “Ex” ( we need 2 days with extra days set aside just in case to account  for “make up” days in case it rains) even though he wasn’t supposed to; he was to keep that week free(he’s on holidays that week for it) as we go every YR and the kids and I look forward to it and he snapped,”We need the $$$!” but we ALSO need to do things as a FAMILY,too, so he better not book any MORE and I don’t know if he just forgot we were going that week(even though I DID have it marked off on both our calenders) or just didn’t care…his stupid exercises also are more important than anything else and always have to come first, even before stuff for everyone else and he won’t do or go anything or anywhere else until he does those first because something for HIM always comes FIRST! He’s just so thoughtless and selfish and whenever *I* say anything about it he just screams at me. No wonder our 18 YR old said HE’S never  getting married(not wanting to end up like us) or having kids, and our oldest said he’s probably not having kids either; wanting to do the opposite of what we did, not wanting to repeat our mistakes. I don’t blame them. I told them they’ll be better off. I don’t want them making the wrong choice and regretting it for the rest of their lives like I did.If I knew ahead of time what it would be like( and all the stress, fear, worry,trouble,and trauma it would bring into my life) I never would have done it,either. It just isn’t worth it.It’s also much better to stay single than to marry the wrong person.

My mother also said SHE’S stressed about my trouble not being able to get my meds renewed(she hates hearing me freak out over it) without a doc since mine retired and I’m left stranded) and I told her,”If YOU’RE stressed, how do you think *I* feel? I’M the one that will be without meds and will have to go back to a life of suffering with blinding headaches and high BP as I don’t have any other option!” but then again, everything’s always about HER, and then  she said, “You ALWAYS have options!”(when I said I’ll just have to “wean” myself off my meds then if I can’t find a doc to renew the prescriptions) and I replied, “You DON’T always have options; sometimes you’re just screwed!!”but I’m NOT “allowed” to get mad, complain, or voice MY opinion or express how I feel about my shitty life(because apparantly even how I FEEL is wrong and I’m blamed and criticized for that,too), and my life’s just one series of mistakes after another and what I wanted( to get married and have kids) ended up destroying  me.

I feel like I’m trapped in a box. The worst thing about doing my Purgatory here on Earth is also that I don’t get to enjoy my LIFE.