I asked my hubby to pick me up some moving tape I needed to fix something and as always he said he had a bunch of other more IMPORTANT things he had to do first, before he could, because like usual something for me doesn’t matter, is always lowest on the list of priority, and always comes last. I am always last in line, last in life , and I always have been, my entire life. I have always been the last one chosen for teams in gym class in school, as a lab partner in science class, as a swim buddy in swim class, as a partner in life guard training, to be called back following a job interview, to be left alone standing against the wall at school dances, last place in Field Day, last the end of a line, etc. You get the point. Always last. Even now in my family my wants and needs always come last. I am invisible and don’t matter. I am always last on the list, even if I ask first.Even if my need is greater. It doesn’t matter. I move thru my entire life always being last…and lost. By-passed. Overlooked. Unwanted. Rejected. Left out. Left behind.Ridiculed. Abused. Bullied. Scapegoated. Unloved.
Last in line. Last in life. Always last. Just. Last.
As well, our 18 YR old got his first paycheck today,and he has this thermos with flowers and butterflies on it that he brings to work with his lunch as it’s the only one that we could find at the “Peasant Store”( the Second-hand store we shop at that sells used goods; all we can afford) but he loves it and he says the gay guy at work loves it,too, our oldest says in Calgary where he lives you can rent Smartcars by the minute; you hop in and drive it a few blocks and get out and leave it, kind of like a taxi except you drive it yourself, and I LOVE Smartcars; I saw them everywhere in Europe but not so much here,and if I could drive and have a car I’d have a Smartcar, and some people in the province are just getting their electricity back TODAY; a whole WEEK after the storm and that’s just unacceptable and yet another way this country sucks and is half-assed, plus Air Canada(the worst airline in the world!) just became even shittier(a feat I didn’t think was even possible!) they now have a new rule you have to check in 45 minutes before domestic flights and not a minute later or their computers automatically shut down and you can’t board….and this one guy came just a minute late and they wouldn’t let him check in even though the agents were still at the counter and the plane was still at the gate for a full 44 minutes; they still made him buy a whole new ticket for 250$! That’s just retarded! I took them once back in 1985 and I never will again they were so bad; they have the WORST customer service EVER, they’re so rude and inept and are the worst at losing luggage;too! I swore I’d never take them again and I haven’t since. I’d rather SWIM across the ocean!
I also heard on the news yet another shameful and disgraceful thing this horrible country did: back in the 1940’s the gov’t did experiments on 1300 Native children in residential schools; they were starving and malnourished and they did experiments on them using various vitamins and such instead of feeding them even though they knew they were hungry! Experiments….just like the Nazis did on people! Just when I thought I couldn’t POSSIBLY hate this country any more(and they couldn’t get any worse) they somehow manage! My mother also sneered at me I should be “grateful” and “count my blessings” and I have “nothing to complain about” despite my shitty life of constant and non-stop traumas and bad luck, never validating me, as if I don’t even have the right to be upset , angry, or complain after all that’s happened to me. I guess she thinks instead I should be jumping for joy and be glad I’ve been victimized my entire life. So much for “support!”