It’s (Not) A Wonderful Life.

ItsAWonderfulLife There’s this old classic Christmas movie from the 1940’s ( shown here) called “It’s A Wonderful Life” (I’ve never actually seen it myself but I’ve heard of it) about a depressed man who is about to attempt suicide, thinking that the world would be better off without him, when his Guardian Angel stops him and intervenes and shows him how life would be different( for the worse) if he hadn’t existed and how worse off his  family and  his town would have been if he hadn’t been born and persuades him to change his mind. It got me thinking,however, that in MY case the exact OPPOSITE would be true: how much BETTER OFF everyone would be if I hadn’t been born; if I never existed, myself included.If anything was ever a case for suicide this is it.

For instance, if I hadn’t been born, my mother never would have had a child she resented and hated and I wouldn’t have grown up unloved, unwanted, raised by strangers, and never shown affection and love. I wouldn’t have had to suffer thru this miserable life full of bad luck, trauma, misfortune, abuse, rejection, bullying and unhappiness. I never would have ended up having bratty obnoxious kids that hate me and treat me like crap. My hubby would never  have married someone that he ended up hating and resenting and vice-versa. I wouldn’t have to struggle with being ugly, fat, dumb,and having Asperger’s(and being hated due to it) and all the challenges and limits that brings in life. If I didn’t exist so many people’s lives would have been spared alot of misery. I just end up ruining everyone’s lives. I’m like a curse. It’s NOT a wonderful life. It’s a shitty, miserable, awful life I can’t wait to end.

My mother would be happier without me.

My hubby would be happier without me, if he’d never met me and  married someone else.

My kids would be happier without me, if they’d had someone else for their mother instead.

I’d be happier if I was someone else.

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As well, my friend came thru her brain surgery ok but she’s sore and tired but it went well, and  I can’t find the new issue of a magazine I’m looking for either even though the website said “available in newstands now” but NOT in THIS shitty country; we never get *anything* here; this country SUCKS and I wish more than anything to leave( if only I could afford to move) I hate it so much, and we were originally forecasted to get our first snowfall (1-3 cm) on Saturday too(and I got all excited!!) but now they say not until Monday….