The Mantra.

YogaPose I came close to killing myself but I’m still here.(I still do WANT to die though; I’m ready but I guess God isn’t as He still hasn’t recalled me yet) I’m now trying to do what I saw a character on a TV show I watch do: she’s trying to improve her life and make positive changes so whenever she’s in her car she listens to these self-help CD’s and repeats the positive affirmations, repeating them back to herself, sort of like a mantra. So, I made up some of my own that I will repeat to myself: MY MANTRAS:

– I deserve to be happy

– I have value and worth

– I am important and loved by God

– I will be happy again

– I matter

– I am a human being

– I deserve to be loved

– I deserve to be treated with respect

– I am not worthless

– I am just as important as anyone else

– I don’t deserve to be bullied

– I am a survivor

-My life has meaning

– I am not a failure

– I have friends that care about me even if my family doesn’t

– I am a child of God

– I will not believe my family’s insults

– I am not my body

– God has a plan for my life

– Negative thoughts and doubts are attacks from Satan

– I can’t help my medical conditions

– It’s not my fault I’m so broken

– I will not let other people determine my self-worth

– I will ignore the haters

– I don’t deserve everything that’s happened to me

– I’m not a horrible person

– I try my best

– I deserve a better life than this

 

Of course I don’t really BELIEVE any of this, and words are empty and don’t change anything but it still might help me feel a bit better. I’ve never been a fan of all this positive thinking stuff( mainly because my life has been so negative and I’ve always gotten the short end of the stick in life) and I’m a pessimist but it won’t hurt, right? What I really need though is to move out, away from this toxic environment except I can’t function and survive on my own and I need help. I wish my life offered me more.