Our Anniversary.

25thAnniversary Today is our wedding anniversary! I can’t *BELIEVE* we’ve been together 25 YRS; that’s more than HALF my life( God, that makes me feel so OLD!!) To me anniversaries are like birthdays, though; I don’t make such a big deal about it because it’s just a reminder of all the YRS that have gone by, reminding me of how old I am, all the time that’s past, all the things I regret, all the things in my life I wish were different and that I wish I could change. We met 18 June 1988. I was 21. We met at the YMCA in Ottawa,and ours wasn’t the typical romance or love story,and,in fact, it wasn’t even a romance or love story at all; we were just friends and neither of us could do any better and we both wanted a family so we got together. He was the only guy that ever liked me ( guys don’t exactly line up for ugly girls like me) basically no one else wanted me and no one else wanted him so we both “settled.” That was pretty much it. It was that or nothing for both of us.We really didn’t really have many options.

Originally we’d planned a fairly big wedding inviting 50 guests; family and friends, and we’d taken the marriage course required by the church, I’d bought my gown, and I’d had everything all booked and deposits put down( reception at the hotel, caterer, limo, DJ, photographer, florist, etc.) but we were fighting over his family; he wanted his youngest brother to be the Best Man but he was an alcoholic and drug addict and I didn’t want him there, worried he’d make a scene( and ironically it would be his older brother 7 YRS ago that would be drunk at that brother’s wedding !) and he also insisted his crazy sister’s 4 obnoxious brats be invited as well(  they had no discipline; they’d carve into the coffee table with a knife, one stole my hubby’s valuable comic book collection, another smashed his brother over the head with a lead pipe when he was 5 YRS old, etc. and I said they’re delinquents and  they’ll end up in jail as adults and sure enough my prediction DID come true: now 3 out of the 4 are in and out of jail on drugs, weapons, theft,and assault convictions; typical rednecks) and I refused, not wanting them to ruin it, so what we ended up doing was just cancelling the whole thing and he and I just got married with an officiant and a witness( a friend of the officiant); no friends or family, and ate at a restaurant after( instead of the gown I wore a brown suit) and the entire wedding cost just over 200$ (minus what we lost on the deposits) and we put the $$$$ we’d had saved into our future kids, so it didn’t exactly end up the wedding of my dreams but it’s the marriage that matters the most( not the wedding) although that didn’t exactly end up the way I’d hoped,either…

In any case, I can’t believe it’s been that long. It seems like a life time ago.It feels like my life’s almost been “divided” up into 2 parts: before(when I was single and before I had kids)I got married and after I got married (and had kids) and in all honestly I was much happier before. That’s what I call my Old Life. That’s the life I miss and wish I could relive again. I was happy then. It was my dream to have a family but I didn’t know what it would be like. I didn’t know it would destroy me.I didn’t know I would regret it. I didn’t know it would bring so much worry, stress, fear, and trauma into my life. I didn’t know how they’d end up treating me. I didn’t know they’d hate me. I didn’t know how unhappy it would make me.

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As well, we got 20 cm of snow and my friend in ISRAEL got 50 to 70 cm and they NEVER get it(and they don’t have the provisions to deal with it,either, like we have here) which is more proof of the Bible’s prophecies of unusual weather patterns in The Last Days, and this would be a nice time to have a snow blower,too, but at 1200$ it’s way out of OUR price range but luckily a Good Samaritan came to help: a neighbour saw one of the kids out there struggling to shovel and he came by with his snow blower and helped out(he did everyone on the street!) but we don’t know WHICH neighbour it was (it’s a mystery!) as he was all bundled up in the cold; his face was all covered up with a hat and scarf so we couldn’t see who it was! My blog also got over 575 views yesterday which is one of my better days( 907 is my all-time record for a day)!

I also found out there’s an alternative to The Elf On The Shelf( which we have and it’s a pain to have to remember every day to hide it every day  and I often forget!) it’s called The Dwarf In The Drawer and all you have to do is toss it in the drawer and forget about it and not have to remember about it! It’s soooo much easier and less work! Now THAT’S what I’M talking about! Maybe next YR we can do that instead! My mother also always has snarky replies and comments to everything I say as well and her latest one is, “You always have to complain and get upset about every petty little thing!” and I told HER, ” Just because it’s ‘petty’ to YOU doesn’t mean that it’s NOT important to ME,and *everything* always goes wrong for me; big things and little things; it all adds up,and I’m SICK of it!” She acts like I never have the right to get upset, complain, or express any disagreement or anger.