I Miss You.

Heaven Lately I have really been missing my dead relatives. They’re people that were a big part of my childhood but have been dead for several YRS now. They were a big part of my life, people I have known my entire life, people who I spent time with during the happiest time of my life and now they’re all gone….and I’m still here. It just doesn’t seem fair. My grandparents, Aunt I and  Uncle K, Aunt A and Uncle R, and likely my fave. aunt, Aunt T, who I last saw when I was 13, and if she IS still alive would be in her late 80’s or early 90’s now. Other relatives have died as well, such as ones in Europe but I only saw them a couple of times, and my other grandparents, but they died when I was small so I don’t remember them, and of all my dogs I had I really just miss my Chihuahuas Teeniea, Yuri,and Chibby(even though I also had other Chihuahuas, Pugs, Shih-Tzus,and others as well) and one day I hope to be reunited with them all in Heaven, yet I worry I might not be good enough to make it; that I’ll fail at THAT,too, just as I have with everything else( and every other goal, hope and dream I’ve had) in life and that I won’t be good enough for that, either, just as I’ve never been good enough in life. I’m never good enough but this is the one thing that REALLY matters so I hope that for just this ONCE that I CAN make it and that this will be the ONE thing that WILL go right and work out for me! I want to see them all again, and to be welcomed in Heaven with an overwhelming feeling of love, welcoming,and acceptance that I’ve never had here in this life.

As well, Facebook friends consoled me when I told them I was treated meanly once again for my looks; saying to just ignore the haters, to not let others define my self-worth, that beauty’s in the eye of the beholder, etc. yet not one of them denied and said that I’m NOT ugly, though. NOT ONE. Because I AM. It’s just a fact. A painful fact that I have to live with every single day of my life and that greatly impacts and impairs my life and how others around me perceive me and treat me. The 14 YR old’s best friend was also over again and she has a black eye; she got beat up at school; a rumour was started that her older sister’s pregnant( which she’s not) and they got into an argument and the bully punched her so she defended herself and shoved her face-first into a metal pole giving the bully a black eye and breaking her nose( good! It serves her RIGHT!) and is yet another reminder to OUR kids one of the reasons why we don’t send them to public school and we we homeschool them, and she’s over here pretty well every weekend( and every second day over the 2 week Christmas break as well) so I wonder if she doesn’t like it at her home and she comes here to get away from it, esp. with her family in counselling and her older sister a problem and just recently came back home after living in a foster home for 6 months; they seem pretty screwed-up….

Our oldest also told me he heard in his city they found 2 dogs in an alley with their muzzles taped shut and there’s this huge public outcry and now a 10 000$ reward to find who did it and it’s ridiculous; there’s LESS outrage when they find a dead newborn dumped in a trashcan; animals have more rights than people and people care MORE about abused and homeless ANIMALS than they do about abused and homeless PEOPLE! Those animal freaks are crazy and society has it’s priorities all f*cked-up! If they cared only half as much about human welfare as they do about animals there would be alot more done to alleviate human suffering such as poverty, abuse, homelessness, etc. and the $$$$ wasted on animal causes could be put to much better use to help people instead!