The 19 YR old’s been looking for a job for 6 months now and now he’s decided that being a cop looks interesting( and he likes watching the TV show “Cops”) so yesterday he went to the O.P.P recruitment seminar to find out more about it but came back discouraged; it seems so impossible to qualify: he said you have to take a series of 7 tests ( physical, psychological, driving, background criminal check,etc.) that cost 350$ and then if you score well you go train at the Police Academy but that costs 8500$ and you have to have grades of at least 70% and only then do they even hire the top of the class and they TELL you where you go; which city or town; you don’t have any choice. He doesn’t have the $$$$ it takes(most things ARE out of our reach due to finances), which is why he’s trying to FIND a job in the FIRST place yet no one hires him because he doesn’t have any experience but he can’t GET experience until he gets a job! It’s all so discouraging. I have to say I was worried though when he said he wanted to be a cop; I want him to get a job but I don’t want him to get shot and killed!With all the rednecks in this hick-ass town he’s probably the only one here that doesn’t have a criminal record,too( they always get busted for drugs, assault,and theft around here) when they run a background check, even though they’d love to have a job where they’d get to carry a gun and beat up people, but I don’t think he’s interested in it for the right reasons, either, though: he just wants a job with minimal training ( 6 months at the academy)that pays a good salary( the average O.P.P officer gets about 70 000$ a YR), plus he’s a bully and being a cop he’d be able to abuse people and get paid for it! He’s really discouraged though; the economy’s so bad, jobs are scarce( esp. here) and he’s just not able to find anything; no one’s hiring. He’s gone to many seminars, job fairs, etc. and sent off over 30 resumes but no one’s ever called him back….
It’s so weird as well how my mother sets her clock radio in her bedroom 15 minutes ahead of the real time when the whole POINT of a clock is to know the RIGHT time so that you’re ON time and when I said I don’t get it she sneered, “It’s not for YOU to understand!” and cooking we have this pan where you don’t have to turn the meat over as it cooks on both sides in the oven as it’s ventilated yet she still does flip the meat over anyway and when I told her she’s just wasting her time and making more work for herself she says it “makes her feel better” yet SHE’S the one always complaining she has too MUCH work to do yet here she is MAKING even MORE work FOR herself! Sometimes I think she just LIKES to complain, make herself out to look like a martyr, and purposely MAKE things harder than they have to be and she sniffed, “I don’t CARE if it doesn’t make sense to YOU!” she really is a piece of work! I got a friend request on Facebook from someone named “Pussy Lover” as well which I declined for obvious reasons. Where DO these people come from,anyway, and how did they find ME?
We got more snow again, too,( we must have 200 cm in total out there and some snowbanks are 5 feet high along the sidewalks) and school buses were cancelled again yesterday; on average 1-2 times a week, and kids have lost 2 weeks of school for snow days so far and as much as I like snow this winter has been TOO cold, too long, too brutal, and too much snow even for me! Even I’m tired of it and ready for spring! I wish so much I lived somewhere else! I’m just so sick of this shit hole of a country for SOOOO many reasons and am desperate to get out! I hate it here so much!I’ve been extra anxious( I have anxiety disorders, and pretty sure I’m bipolar as well, along with my Asperger’s and Social Phobia,depression,etc.) lately now, too, as I’ve bitten my nails down to tiny little slivers and my cuticles are all bloody and ragged ,although not for any specific reason that I’m aware of,and nothing particular on my mind that’s troubling, other than my usual shitty life ,and my hubby said that we’re rednecks and I told him,”Speak for YOURSELF! I’m NOT a redneck; I can’t STAND rednecks!”He can kiss my ass.
The 6 YR old is a colossal brat mainly due to the fact that my mother and hubby enable him, never tell him “no”, let him always have his own way, let him do whatever he wants, don’t make him follow the rules, over-rule, undermine and sabotage MY discipline with him, and encourage him to be a brat. They’re created a monster and then they wonder WHY *I* get so mad. Because I’m the only one that DOES discipline him they then accuse ME of “hating” him, always “picking on” him, always punishing him(because he’s always being so bad) never letting him get away with anything, being “mean” to him(because I DO punish him) and always “on his back” and my mother’s excuse for GIVING him special “allowances” and special rights are “everyone’s an individual” ( yet I’m still fair and have the SAME rules for everyone) and that “the youngest gets away with more”, always having some excuse for him why he’s so bad and why he doesn’t have to follow the same rules as the other kids,and why he’s never punished(I’d take away his video game for a day, for example) for the same thing anyone else would be. One example of how things are different for him is he threw HIS food on the ground( a snack cake which was still in the package) had a raging meltdown and refused to pick it up and eat it so my hubby ate it instead and my mother soothed him and gave him something else, but anyone ELSE would have to pick it up and eat it, no substitutes.How will he ever learn that way? He also yells at my hubby, ” Shut up!I HATE you! DIE! I want to KILL you! BURN in a FIRE!” and he doesn’t even say anything but he wouldn’t let any of the other kids talk to him like that!
I know he’s disturbed to be THIS bad at age 6(none of the other kids were ever like this or this bad) and shudder to think what he’ll be like as he gets older; how out of control and violent he’ll be as a teen! Now even just the slightest little thing sets him off into a full-blown Defcon 1 full-nuclear tantrum; you just say the wrong thing or look at him the wrong way, for example, and he rages, kicks, screams, hits, thrashes, the whole thing, and it lasts forever and he does it every time he doesn’t get his way. He’s so bad he hasn’t been able to go to Bible camp yet with the other kids because he just doesn’t behave and will tantrum and hit the other kids. It really concerns me but my mother and hubby enable him, coddle him, cater to him, and encourage it by always giving in to him and over turning me when I do try to set structure and discipline for him and by making me the bad guy for doing it. I’m all alone here. They’ve created an obnoxious brat the other kids don’t want to be around. My mother also tells me I’m a bad mother(what can SHE say?) so I reply, “I learned it from the BEST!” and my whole life she kept telling me to lower my standards and I’ve always had to settle in life so now I’m miserable and then she blames me for always settling and not waiting,too, so somehow it’s still always MY fault and I can never “win!” I’m also always trying to run away from myself and disappear. I hate myself , my family,and my life.
As well, the 16 YR old renewed his health card, our second-oldest’s friend’s wedding got cancelled so she might not be coming up to visit in the summer( she was coming for the wedding) afterall as it’s expensive airfare from Japan, and 4 of the kids are going on a Cadets trip during the week in March Break to USA,too; to Washington D.C and Virginia and I was in D.C briefly once; my flight connection was re-routed there due to weather only they didn’t tell us where so on the train connecting terminals I asked the guy sitting beside me what city I was in and he told me….and looked at me like I was insane!I also had a dream I was with an Australian guy and I kept having him talk so I could keep hearing his cool accent but in reality guys like THAT don’t even LOOK at girls like me; fat, ugly girls with Asperger’s don’t exactly attract guys, and now the provincial Liberal gov’t has declared war on obesity,too, targeting fat people, so what next? Coming after ugly people? Dumb people? Euthanize the handicapped? What? Sounds like Nazi eugenics, going after anyone society deems to be inferior, imperfect and undesirable even though none of us can help being what we are.
My hubby also debated with me about a certain bridge in town that was closed for repair; he didn’t believe me even though I heard it on the radio and he insisted that particular bridge was in another town even though I think the news knows more than HE does and it really bugs me; he always thinks he knows everything and that he’s smarter than everyone else; he’s just so arrogant and thinks he’s so great and it really pisses me off and he thinks I don’t know anything and never believes anything I say or takes anything I say seriously,and he’s always telling me stuff about loser sports(just to annoy me) even though I’m not a redneck, and he knows I hate it , couldn’t care less and don’t want to hear it, and excuses I “should know what goes on in the world” ( but I do; that’s why I watch the news) and I told HIM, “”I don’t need to know what goes on in the REDNECK world; I’m perfectly happy to remain blissfully ignorant!” I’m so unhappy in my life with him and I wish I knew what it was like to be loved and held by a man that loves me….instead of by a man that merely tolerates me, puts up with me, dismisses me, settled for me, couldn’t do any better than me,demeans me, belittles me, is condescending to me, talks down to me, and devalues me.