The mystery has been SOLVED! It looks like our suspicions were right afterall: the 14 YR old’s friend DID steal the 20$ we had missing from the kitchen table: her “mom’s” lover came over and was talking to my hubby yesterday and told him that she’s been stealing from them( so it’s not hard to deduce who stole the 20$ while she was here) AND that she cuts herself( self-harms) and asked us to keep an eye on her and let her know if we notice any changes, telling him that she comes here as her second home, a refuge of sorts, and that Child Welfare has been involved with their family for 25 YRS. I shouldn’t be surprised since they’re so troubled and rednecks in this town steal EVERYTHING, but I feel really hurt and betrayed as I really liked this girl and I never would have expected it from her and I’m really disappointed. Needless to say the 14 YR old’s hurt that her best friend would steal from us, and that she’s not the person she thought she was.
This brings back bad memories for me as well: I once had a friend a few YRS younger when I was a teen I loved like a brother and he was always at my house, and we treated him like he was a member of our family( like how we do with our 14 YR old’s friend,and that’s how she repays us, by stealing) and we took him everywhere and bought him stuff and then one day I found out he was stealing from us; he stole $$$ and my video game and I was so hurt and betrayed and that was the end of that.I told him to never set foot in my house again. It was over. I didn’t trust him anymore and when there’s no trust there’s no friendship.As for the girl my first reaction is to not let her come back to our house, to not set ourselves up to be victimized again so she can’t steal from us again yet at the same time I also do realize she’s troubled, needs help, and that our home is her safe haven. There has to be some sort of “balance” between helping her but at the same time keeping our OWN family safe and not enabling her to steal. Protecting my OWN kids comes first. My mother snickered if we “banish” her and she kills herself it will be all MY FAULT because everything’s always MY fault and she always has a knack of twisting everything around all the time an blaming me,and my hubby sneered that I’m the “most un-Christian” person he knows and they both rip into me how I’m “unforgiving” etc. because I said I don’t want her back in our home if she’s stealing, and it’s not that I don’t forgive but I don’t forget and I’m not going to sacrifice ourselves(or get robbed) for the sake of a thief, either, and then they sneer that Jesus would “welcome a thief” and I told them but He WOULDN’T CONDONE or ENABLE a thief,either. My mother says she’s not “bad”(when I said “good” people don’t steal) but troubled and we should help her and I replied,”Yeah, help her to our WALLET!” and she’s never cared about anyone else in her LIFE(she’s the most self-serving person that I know) yet all of a sudden she’s Dudley Do-Right; it’s not about helping her at all; it’s just about trying to make ME look like the “bad guy” as always; everything with her’s always been about making me look bad. It’s what she does.
As for the situation, my hubby said what he’ll do is have her still come over as she needs our support, but hide $$$$ (not have it on the table visible, for example) to avoid temptation, and to make sure she’s never alone in a room but that someone’s always with her following her around, and that he’ll TELL her that we KNOW she took the 20$, we’re very disappointed in her and that we expect her to return it, so she”ll know we know and that it didn’t go unnoticed. I’m really upset by this because everyone I’ve ever liked, loved, cared about, trusted, been friends with, or let into my life has either lied to, stolen from, or betrayed me and I’m sick and tired of it. You can’t trust ANYBODY!! I’m also wondering how far out of control does she have to GO before my mother and hubby realize it’s time it’s too much and she’s gone too far and it’s time to cut her loose as a bad influence on OUR kids and a potential danger and harm to OUR family, which SHOULD be their number one priority? It’s true she needs help but it shouldn’t be at the expense of our family!I feel badly for her but it still doesn’t give her the right to steal and how far DOES our “obligation” to her go, and at what cost?