Misfortune Cookies.

FortuneCookies The 10 YR old and I TRIED to make Fortune cookies….but they turned out like THIS (because things never work out for us) so I dubbed them Misfortune cookies! Even following the directions they got all mis-shapen and warped but they still tasted the same. We put in a variety of “fortunes”, some nice and some not-so-nice, ranging  from “I love you”, “Kiss me” “You are sexy” to “Drop dead!” “You’re a loser” “You smell like a monkey!” etc. The 6 YR old got the “You suck!” one and got so mad he threw the cookie to the ground and stomped off in a huff. The 12 YR old also had Kraft Dinner ( macaroni and cheese) at a friend’s house and ate it ok there yet when *I* cook it for lunch she won’t eat it saying it’s “gross” and she’s “tired” of it, etc. and it’s supposed to snow.Again.  and I read somewhere that people that always see the negative in everything( like me) have personality disorders like Bipolar Disorder but I’ve thought for awhile now that I likely have it anyway as it all fits and makes sense and would explain so much, and besides, with all the shit in my life and me always getting the negative and having everything always go wrong and being cursed with bad luck my life has taught me to BE negative, so what do you expect? It’s hard to be positive when I’ve seen so little of it in my experience and all I ever GET is shit.

As for the 14 YR old’s friend who stole from us, she hasn’t been over for a few days so maybe she won’t be coming back, but if she does and if she steals again then she WON’T be welcome back anymore as we won’t be taken advantage of and our kindness, understanding, and hospitality only go so far,  and I was wondering too if I DO have that bacteria causing my ulcer where I  might have got it from; if maybe I might have picked it up somewhere during my extensive world travels like perhaps in Tunisia , Egypt, or Morocco; someplace like that, from the food or water,and I remember when we got back from Morocco my mother did have bad diarrhrea for 2 weeks so it’s possible as it’s more prevalent in certain parts of the world, and the lyric from the  David Bowie song “Ashes To Ashes” ” I’ve never done good things, I’ve never done bad things, I’ve never done anything out of the blue…” pretty much sums up MY life; I just AM.I’m simple, boring,and unassuming.

My mother was also trying to tell the 19 YR old something he didn’t want to hear and he dismissed her, “Blah, blah, blah!” and walked away,and he’s just so rude and disrespectful and we all want him to move out but it’s been 6 months already and he still hasn’t been able to find a job yet and it really hurts that he hates me  and blames me  for my Asperger’s and because I’m different and not like other people,  that my traumatized life has left me broken and damaged,and that I’m not the mother he wishes I was and he thinks I’m stupid and I embarrass him, but it’s not fair because I have no  control over it yet he resents me for being what I am even though I can’t help it and *I* wish I wasn’t,either and I hate myself for it and wish I was dead. He’s always mocking me over it, as is all my family( my mother, my hubby and my kids) and it demoralizes me and breaks my heart. I’m just like the Misfortune cookies; I came out wrong.