My friend L ( from grade 10) said if my life’s so bad, I’m so unhappy,and I hate it so much then I should change it…except it’s not that easy and she has no idea what she’s saying, how impossible that is, and what my life is like, what traumas I’ve been thru and how they’ve broken and damaged me beyond repair. In actual fact, I’m trapped in a life I DO hate yet am helpless to escape or to do anything about. I wish I COULD change it but am unable to. She even went as far as to say that others would trade with me but again she has no idea; *I* don’t even want my life or want to be me( I’d rather be dead than be me and I’d rather be anyone else than be me) so there’s no way anyone else would want my life or want to be me. People just have no idea what it’s like to be me and how utterly miserable I am and my life is.
In order to change my life the way I want, in order to be happy I’d have to get rid of my deformities( my forehead, nose,ears, cheeks, chin, jaw, palate, teeth,and feet) ,medical issues and limits, incl. my depression, Asperger’s, Marfan Syndrome, Social Phobia,and highly suspected Bipolar Disorder, as well as my unfortunate looks( most of which are attributed to my defects) but unfortunately it’s impossible to correct most of the defects, and to correct the ones(and my ugly face) that are surgically fixable that requires a good plastic surgeon, something I’ll never have the $$$ for. I also hate where I live but I can’t afford to move, to live in the city again,or to move out on my own,either,all of which I need $ for, and due to my Asperger’s and lack of social, life,and job skills I can’t function as an independent adult or survive on my own,anyway. I can’t stop my family treating me like shit,either, so I’m just trapped. Short of a miracle(being normal, “curing” Asperger’s, all of a sudden find $$$,. etc.) HOW exactly AM I supposed to change my life and my circumstances? I would change it if I could but everything’s always working against me.
As well, digging in my ears gently with a Q-Tip to get out the impacted ear wax I only got a bit out of the left side( but none out of the right side where it’s really bad) and mainly blood, which freaked me out, and the 19 YR old snickers that I remind him of Howard’s fat, obnoxious yelling mother in “The Big Bang Theory” and everyone always criticizes me for “yelling all the time” too when it’s just the way I *talk*; I’m just loud and animated, and I heard on the news Crimea voted 97% in a referendum to join Russia from Ukraine which isn’t surprising really since the population are mostly ethnic Russians yet the West condemns it and doesn’t recognize it, seeing it as illigitimate and threatens to put sanctions on Russia but they don’t care since it’s none of their business,anyway,and that’s what the people wanted and voted for,and good for them! Who ASKED them,anyway or cares what THEY think? I didn’t realize they needed their permission! They also think the pilots of missing flight 370 might be responsible for it’s disappearance and say it’s deliberate; an act of sabotage and it turns out I might be right; it was hijacked,re-routed and possibly landed in an unknown location as I suspected right from the very beginning…so are THEY the human taint rash that did this…on purpose?Or did someone else take over and force them to? I just hope the passengers are still alive somewhere and can be rescued…
The Lev Tahor families persecuted for their religion and homeschooling here that fled to Guatemala also had their court hearing yesterday(Canada wants them extradited) and the judge luckily allowed the kids to still stay with their parents( here the State wants to seize them) and let them keep their passports but within 3 days they have to report to the Canadian embassy and get papers signed allowing them to stay in the country which we all know they won’t sign(because this country is a fascist Police State) so I’m hoping they just leave for another country where they’ll never be found and will be safe(why don’t they just leave them ALONE?), and the remaining kids that they DID apprehend here(and are in foster care) are currently on a hunger strike in protest and are now in the hospital. See how this shithole of a country destroys people’s lives? My greatest wish is to get out of here, if only I had the $$$$ to move. I HATE this place so much, a festering, boiling hate that only keeps on building. This Hell-hole is full of nothing but a bunch of low-class, beer-guzzling, drunk driving, hockey loving, moose f*cking, seal clubbing, puck head, redneck, hosers, and all this country has done to me has betrayed me, screwed me over, stolen my $$$, over-charged me, over-taxed me,ripped me off, and given me the shaft and I hate it with a passion!