My Grandparent’s House.

Grandparents I’ve been seeing my grandparent’s (my father’s parents) “livingroom” (which was actually their extra bedroom upstairs they’d turned into a livingroom( it was where my grandfather used to go and watch TV in his green leather recliner) as they’d turned their actual livingroom(where they didn’t have a TV) on the main floor into a sitting room) at their old house in Toronto when I was kid in my dreams lately. I don’t know what it means, other than likely just recurring happy childhood memories. I’ve also had dreams about their backyard and garden, kitchen, actual livingroom( which they used as a parlour) and their basement with it’s loud rattling furnace which used to scare the crap out of me as a kid. When I was younger my mother and I used to go visit them once a week and have dinner. I have fond memories of this, although my grandfather would never visit or spend time with me; he’d just say hello and then head upstairs and watch TV and I’d mainly stay downstairs and my grandmother would entertain me.

I got the rare glimpse of his upstairs “livingroom” sanctuary though when I’d go up to use the bathroom and I’d sneak a peak at their bedrooms( they each had their own separate bedroom) but I fondly remember my grandmother letting me muck around in the kitchen with her spices, flour and sugar, making my own recipes and “baking”, forcing me to gag down cod liver oil( agh!)not such a good memory,eating cookies, collecting chestnuts out the front that fell off her neighbour’s tree( that’s how I found out I had the chestnut allergy but I would later outgrow) spending endless HRS in her backyard in her lush garden with it’s wide variety of flowers(which she taught me all about,as well as birds, and I would later go on to teach my own kids) and would allow me to pick some at every visit to bring back home with me, and the only thing I didn’t like about her house was her mean dog, her black French Poodle and how when it peed on the carpet and I pointed it out and it snapped at me she said it was MY fault for mentioning it. That thing was just plain vicious. She even had to lock it out every time they ate so it wouldn’t whine , beg, bark,and mooch and bother them at dinner time.I hated that thing so much and was so glad when it finally died.

I never got along with my grandfather as I got older as he was this terrible racist and so we always argued about that but when I was a kid he basically just ignored me but I enjoyed visiting my grandmother which I continued to do even as I got older and they sold the house when I was in highschool ( and made a fortune doing so and invested well) and moved into a senior’s apartment which was a few blocks from my school and I’d walk down after school and go visit. As time passed and they aged he eventually died of a heart attack(when I was in my early 20’s) in his 80’s, and the ravages of Alzheimer’s got her and she had to move into an old age home where she eventually died,too,in her early 90’s. She would be 102 if she were still alive and I still miss her to this day and still remember her over at my place as well as my aunt(who was always mean to me) and I went and hid in the closet when my aunt was being mean to me(yet again) and she came in and sat in there with me. I’ll never forget that.She was never the loving, affectionate type( she never hugged or kissed me); she was very prim, proper, and refined, but I know that she cared. I still dream of my grandparent’s house, and of them, of my childhood,and the happy times I had.

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As well, the 12 YR old’s sick and barfed 3 times( there’s always a  spring stomach virus this time of YR) and the 17 YR old DID make a card for the now 7 YR old’s birthday even though she didn’t make one for me for my birthday using the excuse she doesn’t make cards…so maybe it should be she only makes cards for people that she LIKES, and my friend L ( from grade 10) said I should go on disability and it would cover all my meds, hearing aid, etc. but there’s 2 obstacles to that: I no longer have a family doctor that can refer me ever since mine retired last YR and I haven’t been able to find a new one, plus I’m NOT comfortable going on any type of gov’t aid or assistance,anyway, and it always comes at a high cost; usually to your privacy and freedom; once you’re on gov’t aid they own you and you become their bitch; there’s always strings attached and I’m wary and don’t trust them! NOTHING comes from the gov’t without a price!

It also pisses me off how the CRTC ( a gov’t entity that controls and regulates all media) says that all TV channels have to have a certain amount of Canadian content( which naturally is substandard and sucks and no one even watches, anyway, because it’s so poor quality and so bad) I think it’s like 40% of all programming or something, and it’s so fascist, just like Nazi Germany, the gov’t controlling the media and it’s always a bad idea, the media should be independent and unbiased! The 19 YR old also starts orientation at his new job at the diner and I can still remember back to when he was little and it makes me laugh, esp. the poem he made when he was about 5 or 6 which I will leave you with:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Make a shit on the wall.