I’m A Hippie.

Hippies I’m a hippie…..sort of. I’m a hippie in the wrong generation, in the wrong time period. I have alot of similarities with Hippies except for the drugs, environmentalism,and free love( sleeping around) but I AM only for peace and against war, violence and the military, I would have loved to have been at Woodstock, I love tye-die, peasant blouses, Birkenstock sandals, long flowing gauze skirts, jeans with funky patches on them, music from the 60’s, bead necklaces and bracelets, etc. and I like it how they stood up against The Man and rebelled against the system. They were against exploitation, greed, and Big gov’t. They were peaceful and non-violent. I was born in 1967 so near the end of the Hippie era, too young to remember it or to enjoy it but I do remember having a tye-die shirt when I was about 3 or 4 though.

As well, the 11 YR old said she’s been having cramps for the past 6 weeks or so only she didn’t realize that’s what they were and thought it just was she was hungry or had to go to the bathroom and one night it was so bad she went to bed early and I told her it means “Aunt Flow” will arrive soon, my hubby’s into yoga now and I wonder if he’ll run off and join some new age tree-hugging cult next, and Patti told me her son has to give his 8 YR old male dachshund away now him and his wife have a baby as it isn’t adjusting well to the new baby and he wants her to have it but her dog is a female and I wouldn’t mind taking it myself and the kids would love a pet as well but the problem would be trying to convince my hubby and my mother, and the “Cow Cat” was stung on the back by a bumble bee and it was stuck on there so the poor cat was running around like crazy and finally had to run under a bush to brush the bee off and it’s eyes were wide in terror and it was panting with it’s tongue kept darting in and out, the poor little guy!

I also swam daily for the past 3 days for 90 minutes with the kids as it’s been so hot lately, 28 C with the humidex of 38 C but I get so wrinkled and with all the kids and all their friends they usually have friends over every day as well, and the 19 YR old got mad when I helped myself to a serving of gravy as he wanted it all even though I AM a member of this family and I do live here too plus part of my $$$$ pays for the food so I am allowed to eat, and after church the 11 YR old took a “selfie” with her fave. priest and he did a funny face and she did this big loud fart in church as well and people turned around and stared and then she tried to blame me, and at the end they sang the national anthem for “Canada Day” tomorrow but in a silent act of defiant protest I refused to sing it; I won’t honour and be loyal to a country that has done nothing but betray me, screw me over, rip me off, over charge me, and make it so my greatest wish is to move somewhere else.

Being Fey.

Warning(new) My grandmother used to call it “being Fey”; the ability to know ahead of time what’s going to happen, to know things you wouldn’t normally otherwise know, to have warnings(dreams, thoughts, visions) ahead of time of things that later end up happening, of knowing when you’re going to die, to have dreams that later come true, etc. She had that gift, I have it, my 15 YR old has it and so does my mother to a certain degree, as does my hubby. I remember when I was a kid my grandmother telling me how she saw this story on the news about a missing woman and she knew she was dead and knew exactly where the body was( in some hidden obscure place); she’d had a vision of it, even though the police were looking all  over for a long time, and when I asked her if she called the police and told them where they could find her she said no because then they’d think she had something to do with it ( I hadn’t thought of that) and later on when they’d eventually found the body it was exactly where she’d thought.

As for my mother, she has this “feeling” that she should go and visit her own mother( who she hadn’t seen in YRS) so she did and then shortly after her mother died. She also gets an uneasy feeling if something feels  not right and then avoids it, which my hubby has as well, such as driving down a certain road he gets a bad feeling as a warning so he’ll turn on to another road and then just seconds to minutes later finds out there’s been a bad accident on the road he was just on. As for our 15 YR old she has dreams that later end up coming true and sees things in dreams and in an order of sequence that later occur in the same sequence she saw in her dreams and remembered it.

Mine is more complicated: Even when I was a kid I remember it; for my entire life I had dreams that would later come true, ranging from seeing people in my dreams I don’t know and then later on meeting them in real life and recognizing them from my dreams,dreaming something I ordered will come in the mail the next day and it does, dreaming for YRS we would have a fire, KNOWING we would, not just a fear and knowing it was more than just a dream, and then we eventually did but because of the recurring warning dreams I was prepared and we all got out alive( even though the fire chief was baffled as it spread so fast and couldn’t see how we all got out alive) and knowing our son had leukemia even though he didn’t have the classic symptoms; I just KNEW in my heart that he did AND I kept having dreams that he did, incl. a particularly chilling one where I kept hearing a voice calling out sternly, “CANCER!” and woke me up in a cold sweat. I had dreams and a feeling as well that we were unsafe where we were and an enemy would come for us, which they did and we had to flee on short notice and move elsewhere. I also have had a feeling my entire life that I would die before I’m 50…..the same knowing feeling that I had about the fire….and the cancer. In any case, these are powerful abilities and not to be ignored. I certainly tune into it and pay attention and listen. Personally I believe it’s Heavenly intervention to protect us, guide us and to keep us safe. Whether it’s God, the Holy Spirit or our Guardian Angels ( or a combination) I am grateful for the “heads up” and advanced warnings and I heed the warnings.


As well, the 11 YR old said she has 3 black hairs on her “rude-part” and tried to brush them off and pull them off thinking they were dirt but they wouldn’t come off and then realized they were pubes (she’s been in puberty for a YR already and has boobs and wears deoderant) and I told her that means “Aunt Flow” will be coming soon,too, and she said she doesn’t want to get it and asked me what can she do to prevent it! I told her it’s natural and just something she’ll have to put up with,so she searches on the Internet how to prevent it and it said to not eat spicy food, to exercise, and to avoid food that puts heat to your belly, etc. and I told her that’s just a load of horse crap; the only way you can delay it is hormone injections but she’s NOT getting into that! She’s also a good 2 inches or so taller than the 13 YR old who hasn’t even started to develop yet!


FartingHippo(new) Fartly came! He’s the farting plush toy hippo we ordered from Amazon as my late Mother’s Day gift! They don’t ship here( alot of places don’t ship to this shithole country) so we had it sent to an address in USA and then had it re-shipped. It’s the funniest thing ever! You squeeze his middle and it makes farting sounds! He’s so soft as well and now sits on my bed which is a special honour as only 2 others have that privilege ; a pink “hippie” hippo and a tye die pillow the 11 YR old sewed for me. All the others are either on my cedar hope chest, bookshelf, or sitting on the floor. I had a dream about hippos as well: that we were at the “Ex” and a vendor was a leather shoe company from Australia who’s logo was a hippo and I bought a pair of flip-flops with a hippo face on it and they also had these chip bag clips where when you opened and closed it that it made hippo roaring sounds! It’s also supposed to thunderstorm on Canada Day on Tuesday(it always storms on Tuesdays!) and that’s our home business’ biggest money-maker of the YR….unless, of course it RAINS…..doesn’t it figure?

I’m so pissed off at my hubby as well: the teens were to go to the church youth group pool party and they even had a friend come over as he was supposed to drive her to it,too…..except he FORGOT that his home business had a booking( he thought it had been cancelled) so they ended up missing it(as they had no one to drive them) and were so disappointed,and all he did was shrug, “They’ll get over it!” when I chewed him out,and I yelled at him, “At least take some responsibility for it! It WAS your FAULT!!” and it’s NOT the first time he’s done this either; there’s been a few times he’s gotten the times and dates wrong for bookings for clients and it’s so NOT professional! I hate it the kids are always getting let down and the stupid bookings always take precedent and are so disruptive to our family life and the kids really resent it. What we ended up doing is just swimming in our own pool ( I was in the water so long I got really wrinkled!) incl. their friend but I’m still mad he let them down like that.

My mother’s also convinced she’ll die soon and wanted us to take one more last trip to the Caribbean together so we booked one for a week in early Oct. to Grand Cayman, Honduras, Cozumel, and Bahamas. I’ve been to the Bahamas before and I’ve been to Mexico twice although not to Cozumel itself. I’ve been to at least 12 of the Caribbean island, maybe even more; I’ve lost track.My cousins go to Honduras all the time and they love it. She has to borrow $$$$ from the bank to go even though I have no idea how she’ll pay it back( maybe she thinks she’ll die before then?) and even asked me if I’ll lend her some of MY $$$$ I have saved up for my surgery but I don’t touch that $$$$; it’s just for the surgery which I’ll likely end up having in Oct.( after we come back; not before we go as it’s a long and painful surgery to recover from) or November as I should be hearing back from the surgeon in July or Aug.It’s nice to have something to look forward to again though and I wish I could move to the Caribbean but for now a week will have to do.

Ass- Burgers.

Aspergers I saw the psychiatrist again and I took the diagnostic test for autism. It was about 15 pages and a yes and no type of test. It’s been something like 30 YRS since I last took an exam and he said my results confirmed what I’ve suspected for the past few YRS and what he himself was pretty sure of: I officially do have Asperger’s ( what my 11 YR old calls “Ass- burgers”) also known as higher-functioning autism. I scored over 60% on my test putting me in the Asperger’s category, as opposed to if I’d scored higher then it would be a more severe form of autism and if you score below a certain point then you don’t have it. I actually feel sort of relieved to have an official diagnosis though; it validates me in a way; that I really DO have it; that I’m not just imagining it or  making excuses and that I’m just  stupid like the 19 YR old accuses me of,and it explains everything; why everyone’s always called me “weird” my whole life, why I never fit in, why I’ve always been bullied, why I’ve always been different and never been like other people, why I struggle socially, and the depression and social phobia also go along with it. He also doubled my Prozac dose as even though it’s helped with my moods, anger,  calmed me,and I’m no longer suicidal I still have anxiety and I still don’t feel happy.

The next door neighbours also told us someone stole tools out of their back yard( the losers here steal everything) and yesterday was the last day of school for the schools here and now summer vacation starts but not for our 16 YR old who’s far behind in his school work and still have over 100 lessons to catch up on and won’t be done until the end of July so he won’t be going to camp this summer with the others, and the genius 7 YR old only got 2 answers wrong on his math exam, 2 more of my cousins said they too have high BP so it does seem to run in our family, the 15 YR old said she doesn’t want to have kids because they’re expensive, so annoying, and birth sounds really painful; all of which are true, so in actual fact she’d probably be better off.

I also realized that I always have cramps and diarrhrea the day after I eat processed chicken; chicken strips, nuggets, chunks, patties, etc. my hubby’s getting another new Internet provider AGAIN in early July; yet another company that promises it’ll be 3 times faster; taking us from 6 up to 20 but I’ve heard THAT 3 times before….and then when they get here they say it’s not available here, only in the city; it’s just a sales pitch to get you sucked in; bait and switch,and he always falls for it and every time we switch providers we’re stuck for days without Internet service during the switch over; it’s just so annoying! You’d think he’d learn by now we’ll never get fast speed here in “Bumble-F*ck” no matter WHAT company he goes with and to just stick with someone and not keep switching all the time,and he’s tired of always having to drive everyone everywhere( as he’s the only driver) and refused to do 5 in one day and made ME switch my app’t  to another day or else take a taxi, even though MINE was the first one booked and booked a month ago…but anything for me is the least important and it pisses me off; if it’s just something for me it doesn’t matter and is always  last in priority and I’m the one that always gets “bumped”, disrupted, and screwed over and my mother snickered “When you have a family they come FIRST!” but the problem is that *I* ALWAYS come LAST all the time and anything for me matters the least. I don’t have to come FIRST; I’m just sick of always being last and if something has to go it’s always my stuff.



Kindergarten  I don’t remember much from Kindergarten but I still do have a few memories. I went for 2 YRS, when I was 4 and 5 YRS old. I do still clearly remember my first day, when I was so terrified and didn’t want to go. My mother was at work( she couldn’t even bother to take the day off to bring me to my first day of school) so my mean aunt took me and even though I didn’t like her( as she was always mean to me) I clung to her and was crying, not wanting her to leave me behind. I also remember David and Peter holding me down on the ground in the schoolyard beating me up and how much of a punk David was; pure white-trash, he wore denim jackets with the  sleeves  cut off, with bare arms with fake tattoos all over them,and he even smoked,too, yup, at 4-5 YRS old he smoked! I remember laying down on the blue mats for naptime, making a clay dog and painting it orange and purple, dyeing Easter eggs( I did mine orange), the baby chicks we hatched, playing in the schoolyard which we had separate from the older kids’ yard, and how I was obsessed with wanting a dog and always pretended I was a dog and how the teacher was concerned for my state of mental health and told my mother to take me to a psychologist(which she never did; she just told me to stop as it embarrassed her) and as it turned out that type of thing is very common in kids with Asperger’s; getting fixated on certain things to the point of obsession.

My hubby also got a battery delivered for his home business and it had a warning note on the front of the parcel for the air mail: “Caution! Lithium battery!” and I just hope the RCMP doesn’t show up at the door thinking it’s a component for making a bomb or something, my mother told me that both her mother AND her grandmother had high BP and died of heart attacks at age 50( and her mother was even on heart medication,too) so that doesn’t bode well for me then if it’s genetic, and I have high BP as well but I have been on meds for it for the past 2 YRS, esp. since I’ve always had a “feeling” I’ll die before I’m 50 (my other grandmother called it being “fey” and she also had the same ability as does my 15 YR old, and my mother too, to some degree) and I’ve had advanced warnings/and/or dreams about many other things too ahead of time that have happened later on. I also don’t know what I’m more tired of always hearing about all the time: Pride WK or the World Cup; enough already; NOT everyone cares! At least that’s one thing I DO like about it here in “Bumble-F*ck” though; they don’t have a Pride parade!

The 7 YR old finished his math exam: 14 pages and it took him 2 1/2 HRS. We use the “Saxon” math curriculum which is like the PhD of homeschooling curriculum and is really hard ass, plus he’s a little genius and just finished off grade 5, and he’s doing really well  swimming as well, unlike my hubby(and my mother) who can’t swim at all, and my hubby trying to swim is like me trying to do math: he knows the “mechanics” of it but when he puts all the pieces together it just doesn’t work; he can’t float; like me trying to do math; I can memorize  the formulas and theories but when I try to put it into practice and put the numbers in it just doesn’t work out and I just don’t get it! The 11 YR old also saw “Chesapeake Bay” and thought it said “Cheap Skate Bay”  and announced to me that she’s a “Jihadist” and when I gasped, horrified, she goes, “What does that even mean?” She’d just heard the word on the news.That kid just makes me laugh so much!