Depressing Thought.

OldHag THIS is what I  feel like; a weary old hag. I realized that I’ve been doing this parenting thing now for 25 YRS….that’s more than  half my life, and as long as a life-term PRISON sentence! No WONDER I’m so worn out, and I’m still not done yet. No parole for another 11 more YRS or more.

My Pills.

Pills(newest) Just my typical “luck”: when I saw my doctor the other day to get my bile reflux pills renewed he told me he was doing it for 3 months…..but when I got the pills from the pharmacy the next day there was only 90 pills(and no refills) and I take 2 pills a day….so it only does 45 days, not 3 months! Shit. It figures. I guess he can’t do math,either. The Prozac doesn’t make me feel happy,either(I still feel “flat” and just trudge thru life) but it HAS calmed my anger and mood swings, but to be happy I’ll need a new family and a new life, and I feel wary, uneasy and guarded around my doc,too, like suspicious and I have to watch what I say around him; like there’s something “off” about him and it’s not just because he’s cute and I’m nervous; it’s something more than that, maybe it’s because he “pries” and asks too many personal questions and it makes me uncomfortable  and with my past I’m cautious and I put up “walls”, or maybe it’s just that I feel awkward and embarrassed because I broke down in front of him and now it’s hard for me to face him? I’m ok with the psychiatrist though.

The kids also went to a pioneer village, and today’s the church picnic, this week the teens are going to Wonderland amusement part with Cadets and rock climbing next week, we found a mummified mouse while cleaning the kitchen cupboard; it was all dried out and shrivelled up, the security system monitoring centre called while it was just my mother and I home and we didn’t hear the phone ring until the last ring as we were outside and ran in just to see as it said security on the name of who called but they didn’t leave a message but neither of us know how to retrieve the number called on the new answering machine so we were scrambling around trying to find their number to call them back to see what it was (in case the alarm went off or something) before they sent the police out to investigate thinking there was an emergency esp. since we didn’t answer the phone and then we’d get charged 200$ ( we can’t afford!) for a false alarm, and we found the number and called them and they just wanted to tell us that they got a low battery reading so the guy came over and we got a new one.

We also found out the “Cow Cat” isn’t a stray afterall but has an owner; a neighbour lady saw the kids playing with it on the grass and told them it belongs to a guy who lives at the corner at the end of the street and it’s name is “Dog” (what an odd name for a CAT!) and that it goes to everyone’s house and eats, and I still keep in touch with our oldest’s old friend(he’s 25 now)he was friends with for YRS when they were teens and he was posting things on his Facebook that concern me: saying he likes to shoot the big guns and was talking about guns and ammunition, and asking where he could buy the big bows and arrows and even his own mother was worried and asked why would he want to own weapons like that in his home,and he said he likes the big dogs that are aggressive and attack people and just recently bought a German Shepherd and his mother was lamenting why isn’t he getting a girlfriend and he said he’s not interested; he wants to be alone and he lives by himself and has always been a loner and even when he was friends with my son he was his only friend…he didn’t used to be like this though and he’s changed; he’s not the quiet, shy, gentle boy I remember and once knew. He’s in the military now and it must have changed him and damaged him in some way and made him aggressive. I have a bad feeling, like something isn’t right and I hope he won’t turn into one of those weirdos that goes around shooting people or something. I hope I’m wrong and it’s nothing but it bothers me…..