My Mother’s Appointment.

doctor(new) My mother saw the internal medicine specialist again and got all her test results back( except for the MRI which she has done in a few days) the dopplar, ultrasound, EKG, heart monitor,and blood and urine tests and she doesn’t have any narrow or blocked arteries so it must have been the high BP( now being controlled and brought lower on medication) that caused her mini-stroke so she doesn’t need surgery luckily, and everything came back normal, except she does have a fatty liver, high cholesterol,and is pre-diabetic and will develop it in about 2 YRS he estimates but it can be controlled with medication; she won’t need insulin injections. For now he put her on a special diet( she’s not happy about as she enjoys eating and really loves her food) which is basically no fat, salt, or anything fried, incl. red meat, deli meat, processed food,etc. incl. bacon, sausages, or many of the things she likes, such as salted buttery popcorn(she has pretty well daily) but mainly she can have poultry and fruits and veggies. He sees her again in 3 mos. and does blood work to see how the diet lowers it and if no worthwhile improvement he said he’ll put her on medication to lower it which is what she said she hopes happens actually so she can go back to eating what she wants! It’s such a relief though that it isn’t anything more serious and now we can breathe easier, thank God!

We also have this pad of paper we keep on the fridge and whenever anyone notices we’re running out of something they write it on for the grocery list and someone wrote “green things” (which ended up to be bell peppers) ……but seriously though, “green things?” how is anyone supposed to know what “green things” are supposed to be,and I just bet it was one of the BOYS that wrote that, the 16 and 19 YR olds are always telling racist jokes,too,esp. about black people and it’s mean; I like black people! The almost 13 YR old said she wants to have 6 kids as well and then the 11 YR old goes, “I don’t want to have too many kids; I don’t want to push my ‘rude-part’ too hard!” and I just cracked up laughing hysterically! It was the funniest thing ever! I guess she doesn’t want to end up like me; with it all stretched out so it ends up a flappy, gaping cavern and now every time I laugh, cough, sneeze, or strain I pee myself, like one of those anxious little dogs that piddle on the floor every time they get excited.

I finally found what I want for my late Mother’s Day gift as well and my hubby ordered it online(but they don’t ship here because this country sucks and alot of places won’t ship here, so we had it sent to an address in USA and then re-ship here): a farting hippo! It’s a plush toy and when you squeeze it, it farts, so I guess it has a whoopie cushion or something inside it! How awesome is THAT? The almost 13 YR old grimaced, “Who’d want a farting hippo?” and I replied, “Who WOULDN’T want a farting hippo?” It’s just the funniest,coolest thing ever, and I found out that 24 July is even an official hippo lover’s holiday,too: National Hippo Appreciation Day, and I had a weird dream last night as well that Toronto Mayor Ford invited me up to a VIP room where I met other city councillors I’d seen on the news and he gave me a hot cross bun and I was picking out the raisins( because I  hate those disgusting things; they’re nothing but humiliated grapes) and I’d said, “Look at how huge these raisins are!” I know, dreams are weird and don’t make any sense.