Broken.

Plate(new) This is so true and I’m just like that shattered plate; sometimes the damage is too severe and people are just too broken to ever be fixed. I’m like Humpty Dumpty; I can never be put back “together” again. I will never be repaired, healed, or fixed. The damage of a lifetime of chronic bullying, abuse, rejection, traumas, and victimization can never be “undone” or reversed. I’ll never be who I was before. I’ll never be the same person I was before. I’ll never trust people or see life like I once did. My sense of safety and security has been shattered along with my heart, soul,and spirit. Even though I am seeing a psychiatrist and taking meds and it does help ( it stabilizes me, makes me more mellow, calms the mood swings and angry outbursts and I’m no longer suicidal) it still can’t undo what’s been done , take “back” my emotional scars, or bring me back to who I used to be. Some wounds are just too deep to ever heal.

As well, I’m mad at the “Cow Cat” and am shunning him for killing 2 chipmunks and a baby squirrel all in one day, I lost 10 more pounds, the 11 YR old says I’m old and wrinkly and calls me a “Sharpei” now and is calling me names just like the other kids do,  I scooped out a dead mouse AND a dead bird out of the pool skimmer, 3 teens walked by the front of the house as I was sitting out on the porch and they kept staring at me, I assume because of my bald head so I yelled, “What are YOU staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a bald lady before? Take a picture, it’ll last longer!” and my hubby and the teens are going to Fan Expo ( like ComiCon) later in the summer,too; a real nerd, dork,and geek fest,  and they’re  even dressing up in *costumes* for it as well( characters I’ve never even heard of) and I’m glad I won’t be there with them so people won’t know that they’re related to me; it’s so embarrassing,and I don’t know which is worse; anime or comic books!

My mother also said if she’s going to die she wants us to go on one more last trip to the Caribbean together even if she has to borrow the $$$$ to go, and we went to a nice Italian restaurant for her early birthday lunch and she cheated on her diet her doctor gave her and ate deep fried food and cream sauce and it was just sooo good it was food Heaven; it was to DIE for and we kept making orgasmic sex noises as we were eating and I stuffed myself so much I thought I was going to explode! The bathroom was so posh too everything was marble and the taps and soap dispenser were automatic it reminded me of my fancy life in the city and for a moment there I almost forgot that I was still in “Bumble-F*ck!”