I saw the psychiatrist again and I took the diagnostic test for autism. It was about 15 pages and a yes and no type of test. It’s been something like 30 YRS since I last took an exam and he said my results confirmed what I’ve suspected for the past few YRS and what he himself was pretty sure of: I officially do have Asperger’s ( what my 11 YR old calls “Ass- burgers”) also known as higher-functioning autism. I scored over 60% on my test putting me in the Asperger’s category, as opposed to if I’d scored higher then it would be a more severe form of autism and if you score below a certain point then you don’t have it. I actually feel sort of relieved to have an official diagnosis though; it validates me in a way; that I really DO have it; that I’m not just imagining it or making excuses and that I’m just stupid like the 19 YR old accuses me of,and it explains everything; why everyone’s always called me “weird” my whole life, why I never fit in, why I’ve always been bullied, why I’ve always been different and never been like other people, why I struggle socially, and the depression and social phobia also go along with it. He also doubled my Prozac dose as even though it’s helped with my moods, anger, calmed me,and I’m no longer suicidal I still have anxiety and I still don’t feel happy.
The next door neighbours also told us someone stole tools out of their back yard( the losers here steal everything) and yesterday was the last day of school for the schools here and now summer vacation starts but not for our 16 YR old who’s far behind in his school work and still have over 100 lessons to catch up on and won’t be done until the end of July so he won’t be going to camp this summer with the others, and the genius 7 YR old only got 2 answers wrong on his math exam, 2 more of my cousins said they too have high BP so it does seem to run in our family, the 15 YR old said she doesn’t want to have kids because they’re expensive, so annoying, and birth sounds really painful; all of which are true, so in actual fact she’d probably be better off.
I also realized that I always have cramps and diarrhrea the day after I eat processed chicken; chicken strips, nuggets, chunks, patties, etc. my hubby’s getting another new Internet provider AGAIN in early July; yet another company that promises it’ll be 3 times faster; taking us from 6 up to 20 but I’ve heard THAT 3 times before….and then when they get here they say it’s not available here, only in the city; it’s just a sales pitch to get you sucked in; bait and switch,and he always falls for it and every time we switch providers we’re stuck for days without Internet service during the switch over; it’s just so annoying! You’d think he’d learn by now we’ll never get fast speed here in “Bumble-F*ck” no matter WHAT company he goes with and to just stick with someone and not keep switching all the time,and he’s tired of always having to drive everyone everywhere( as he’s the only driver) and refused to do 5 in one day and made ME switch my app’t to another day or else take a taxi, even though MINE was the first one booked and booked a month ago…but anything for me is the least important and it pisses me off; if it’s just something for me it doesn’t matter and is always last in priority and I’m the one that always gets “bumped”, disrupted, and screwed over and my mother snickered “When you have a family they come FIRST!” but the problem is that *I* ALWAYS come LAST all the time and anything for me matters the least. I don’t have to come FIRST; I’m just sick of always being last and if something has to go it’s always my stuff.